“Your dad loves you a lot”

[Water-Lily]

Today I met up with a good friend of mine. We met back in February and game together often. She's really cool and I connect with her well

Today I was venting to her about my plans for the future, mh dad pressuring me, and us arguing more. She said "I wouldn't worry about the arguing. You both are likely just getting more comfortable and vulnerable"

She also believes my dad is feeling more inspired to work on himself because of my work in therapy, and that overall despite his failings he does care

I question his care a lot, but even as a child I've always been closest to him

She ended it with "your father probably started breaking the generational curse. And you're continuing it"

A lot to think about for sure

 

[girlboything]

i have a really complicated/weird relationship with my dad too. im pretty sure it has been covertly incestuous at times. but he understands me in ways my mom never will. but hes also manipulative and hateful and inappropriate. its so confusing.

 

[Water-Lily]

i have a really complicated/weird relationship with my dad too. im pretty sure it has been covertly incestuous at times. but he understands me in ways my mom never will. but hes also manipulative and hateful and inappropriate. its so confusing.

I see. what does your dad do that covertly incestuous?

 

[girlboything]

I see. what does your dad do that covertly incestuous?

it's complicated but basically he treats me more like a partner than his child. particularly talking to me about his sex life/how he wants to cheat on his wife/dating/etc. i had 'repressed memories' of him raping me come up in somatic therapy but that was probably a physical manifestation of general weird boundaries. either way i choose to ignore it bc id rather have a dad.

 

[Water-Lily]

it's complicated but basically he treats me more like a partner than his child. particularly talking to me about his sex life/how he wants to cheat on his wife/dating/etc. i had 'repressed memories' of him raping me come up in somatic therapy but that was probably a physical manifestation of general weird boundaries. either way i choose to ignore it bc id rather have a dad.

I see. Whether the memories are true or not (repressed memories are tricky and fickle) it doesnt change that what your did/does is innapropriate

Do you still live with your parents?

 

[girlboything]

I see. Whether the memories are true or not (repressed memories are tricky and fickle) it doesnt change that what your did/does is innapropriate

Do you still live with your parents?

no. i was living alone in an apartment my mom paid for but rn im in residential treatment. again.

 

[Water-Lily]

no. i was living alone in an apartment my mom paid for but rn im in residential treatment. again.

I hope the treatment is helping you heal from the trauma you endured

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think as we become adults, we realise that our parents are human- obviously. They may have made mistakes in our upbringing. I don't think it means we love them any less if we start to see those mistakes. Doesn't necessarily mean they love us any less either. They maybe just acted in a way they felt able to cope with at the time. Because they have flaws- the same way that we do. Maybe not a good idea to point out those flaws but I don't think it always hurts to see them yourself. It can help I think to process your own feelings. Plus- I think it can help you to come to terms with and even forgive them if possible.