Discussion Would you welcome a disease that would kill you?

[chloramine]

I had symptoms of something that could potentially be more serious and I just felt so hopeful that I would die. I looked into it and found out that was unlikely to be anything big, but for that bit of time I was just. Begging for it to be something that would kill me. Do other people here do the same thing? See the possibility of something that would kill you and just feel relieved and hopeful and elated?

Obviously diseases that just ruin your quality of life while leaving you alive suck and death due to disease tends to be longer, drawn out and unpleasant. Knowing that would you choose it if you could?

 

[paranoidaf28]

I feel ya. It takes out the SI out of the equation. It's ironic how the ones with the most will to live happen to get sick far more often than people who despise their lives. It's a sick joke.

 

[Rounded Agony]

Hopefully this doesn't degrade into the same state of flamewar as the recent thread about terminal cancer...people seem to not think about the fact that most terminal illnesses tend to kill you very slowly and what we all want is the freedom from suffering that is hopefully brought from death, NOT the torture of dying agonizingly over an extended period of time.

 

[LittleNelson]

I've often prayed to God to just give me the terminal illness meant for someone else. I think about all the people who get sick when they have so much to live for. I have absolutely nothing and would be thrilled to finally have a way out.

 

[Papilio_polyxenes]

Absolutely not. I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer at the end of October, and it was an agonizing, slow death. She'd wake up screaming in pain every morning between 5 and 6 AM - even on the highest dosages OxyContin and Fentanyl.

She was diagnosed in April and completely bedridden by June. Her final week with the condition was heartbreaking to watch, as she gradually lost the ability to swallow or do anything but sleep.

 

[universe]

When I feel bad or have symptoms, I always hope it's something very serious: terminal cancer with only a month left to live, heart attack, rupture of aneurysm, generalized infection. Each time, I hope that I will die. I have already prayed to the universe to kill me, without success.

I have the impression that it is always the people who want to live who catch this kind of disease. I would so love to have all my organs taken from me to save these sick people, and for that to kill me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, especially if the disease killed me quickly. When I heard about those people dying from covid, I envied them. Those who have a disease that will kill them are at an advantage as they don't have to find a way to leave themselves in a world that makes suicide so unnecessarily difficult. Of course dying at a time of my own choosing would be a preferable way to die than a disease for me but the problem is that suicide really isn't so straightforward.

Those with a disease wouldn't have to research and plan methods and worry about methods potentially failing. They would be able to say farewell to the people they know, if people who were going to ctb did that then others could likely interfere with their plans making it difficult for them to leave. Those who have a disease will have the knowledge that their suffering is soon coming to an end and they will soon be free. People who die are very lucky, I have always envied them as they don't have to endure this life anymore.

 

[Hell-On-Earth]

No. I want to go out on my own terms. Having a terminal illness would take that away from me.

 

[Ashu]

I noticed a small tumor under my right armpit almost three years ago, and I've just let it go, though the fact that I'm still not obviously ill argues against its being cancer.

 

[makethepainstop]

I've often prayed to God to just give me the terminal illness meant for someone else. I think about all the people who get sick when they have so much to live for. I have absolutely nothing and would be thrilled to finally have a way out.

I often pray to God to "End this, end this NOW!" So far my response haven't been received.

 

[mojabaka]

I got POTS and neuropathy from the stupid covid "vaccine" and now I'm disabled for life. I wish it would've killed me on the spot instead of this shit. So yeah, as long as it's not slow and painful I would welcome something that kills me.

 

[Life interrupted]

I have a disease that will kill me but it will probably take a long time. I'm not taking any meds to slow its progression. I'm scared though because it's a respiratory disease. So you can imagine how horrible the last months will be if I don't ctb before it gets really bad.

 

[AutumnFire]

No I'm scared of my body controlling my destiny in that way. I know I'm on the path to liver failure, 2 bottles of wine a day will do that. But if it becomes a reality I'll ctb all the faster. I need control over my death.

 

[TydalWave]

Absolutely. I don't think having a terminal disease would affect me personally in any way at this stage, but I do think it would provide a much easier outlet for others to handle my death, so I would welcome it in a heartbeat.

Suicide, no matter your intentions is an impossible pill for many to swallow. It is one that often brings guilt, shame and regret to those around us even when we are making this decision purely for ourselves. This is one of the hardest parts about CTB for me to accept. I've searched long and hard for ways to reduce the collateral damage that my choice will ultimately have on others and I have found none. Getting a cancer diagnosis would be a miracle in my eyes.

 

[toasterbath]

i welcome it with open arms (if it killed me fast and painlessly)

 

[BillyBob]

Would love to have a fast killing cancer. Anything that is slow and debilitating would make life a nightmare.
With something like cancer they will give you good pain killers etc to help cope with it until you die. And when you die it is not a stigma and less judgeful then someone killing themself.

 

[western_heart]

No. Having another disease would increase my suffering and worry. If I am sick or injured I get concerned about the cause & regardless of the severity the anxiety alone is enough to aggravate my existing physical health issues.

ETA: I sometimes do wonder if having something else wrong with me would cause me to get medical treatment that would improve my existing conditions.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

This trajectory will end badly But it could take decades to play out…

 

[Sad_Sack]

Something fast or something that would qualify me for right to die. I honestly would love a nice aortic aneurysm. Extremely fast and sudden and you get to die without making your family feel like you abandoned them.

 

[lemonhoney]

Absolutely. Just waiting around hurts every day. I can't enjoy life any more, all I do is come to this forum in hopes of news about N and every day I'm disappointed. I can't keep doing this for another 80 years, humans will live for a long time now and I'm not ready for that. I've been depending on my family too much but they're all individuals with lives of their own. I can't move on. I just need one bottle.

 

[Meaninglessness]

Lethal disease or old age will kill us all if we live long enough. But I prefere to make a quick end at a time and a place of my own choice.

 

[Murasa]

There aren't that many diseases which strike fast enough, but from the cases I've seen up close, letting the disease kill you is sometimes less painful. At this point it's not something I care about that much, but I'd still rather leave this world on my own terms and make my own decisions for once in my life.

 

[actual_fox]

I had symptoms of something that could potentially be more serious and I just felt so hopeful that I would die. I looked into it and found out that was unlikely to be anything big, but for that bit of time I was just. Begging for it to be something that would kill me. Do other people here do the same thing? See the possibility of something that would kill you and just feel relieved and hopeful and elated?

Obviously diseases that just ruin your quality of life while leaving you alive suck and death due to disease tends to be longer, drawn out and unpleasant. Knowing that would you choose it if you could?

Well I feel chest pains so I hoped I could die from a stroke (maybe) or myocorditis. So you are not alone. I welcome them hoping they are not sign of loong disease, but rather approaching death.

 

[freedomcalls]

I'd like to have a terminal diagnosis with a very short prognosis… definitely weeks rather than months.
I'd be able to leave my parents and children without the element of shock and shame, and I'd have time to clear up my loose ends and say what I wanted to say

I'd willingly suffer any amount of physical pain on a short term basis to be able to escape from the life sentence of mental torment without being responsible for the hurt it would cause my family

 

[Tesha]

I used to try and get infected wounds in the hope sepsis would kick in. Alas, I never succeeded, but it would've been much quicker than a disease.

 

[justwanasleep]

No thinking about it properly I don't wish that for myself. fantasy cancer inside our heads is nothing like real cancer. I don't want my body to rot away while I'm still alive.
It would be much more dignified for my family to tell pepole I've passed that way but that's all they'd gain from it. I had to watch a close family member go through bowel cancer a few years ago and going into the hospital and seeing how sick everyone was really stayed with me.
One lady that I doubt is still here 2 beds down was literally being sick green egg type things. honestly like full sized green chicken egg looking things we're coming out her mouth, to this day I've still seen nothing quite like it and I hope to never see anything so vile again.
I know she was accepting treatment but fuck that I never want to be that vulnerable and sick.