This question could be seen as extension to my thread. What would you willed to sacrifice in order to have sex with a woman? Not sure whether this was exactly the title. But it was related to woman where I had the feeling she could ridicule me if I accepted casual dating with her. And well I didn't agree to this deal. It would have felt dirty. But not in the good way. Lol. I still have some dignity left.
Yesterday I was invited to a party. I am not doing well recently. A lot is going on in my mind. I was pretty depressed almost the whole party. Sometimes I could not laugh when others cracked jokes. This is something not unusual for me. When I drop jokes I laugh a lot. I also laugh when I have insiders with my friends. But when someone cracks a joke that isn't aware of my struggle I often cannot laugh with them. Or can do it. But then rather as a form of masking and it induces a pretty bad feeling inside me. Usually my mood becomes worse at the evening. Usually the meetings with my friends are good but when I have to leave I am feeling bad. Yesterday I stayed over night. And interestingly my mood became way better at the evening. We did a video call with a friend who wasn't able to come. And I carried us with jokes. I became like really silly and did very stupid jokes all the time. And many of them considered them really funny. I like it to make jokes when I am feeling bad. Sometimes this can help to cope with my feelings and it really helped me significantly yesterday. All my worrying about the abuse of my former therapist and all that other shit was gone for a couple of hours. I postponed going to bed a lot and we still played games. I sort of like it to spend the evening with my friends. On the other hand it is weird I wasn't as exhausted as usually.
We had a lot of discussions. And I learned about new developments. And it has to do with the following thread I posted recently. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/bad-boys-and-some-rambling-about-autistic-quirks.252190/
I try to sum up the relevance or copy paste passages.
I have one autistic friend who is very successfully job wise. He has way more money than any of us. He often says how happy he is, he laughs and jokes, has a high self-confidence and is on the outside extremely positive. He is the most positive person in our friend group. On the other hand he really struggles with dating. We are a very neurodivergent friend group. But he has among us the least dating experiences and I sensed that he is increasignly frustrated. He is socially very awkward and I think in order to have more dating success he should work on masking his autism more. He really dislikes criticism and thus far I never told him that. I think he would not react well. I will later explain more.
So this aforementioned friend met another former friend of our friendgroup. And they had conversations about dating
I ghosted that person. He has an horrible attitude to dating/women.. He is very insensitive. When some people in my friends where in a relationship the first question was "How is your sex life?" And when one friend had his first gf he expressed with the words "How? How? How? (How did he found a gf?) that is sort of an asshole on this issue. He wasn't empathetic in the past but I was increasingly not willed to keep the contact.
I will copy paste the passage from the other thread. "So my autistic friend met someone recently who once was in my friend group. I cut the contact with that person because he talked pejoratively about my mental health issues and he bragged with sex and stuff like that. There is a crazy story about his now wife and mother of his child. But when the relationship started he said to another friend who still has contact with him. "I know she doesn't look all that great...but it is good enough for fucking her..."and holy shit. What an asshole. I was astound when I found out it is the woman who he later married...I mean it makes the anecdote more crazy."
My autistic friend elaborated more about this former friend. I know he has a child. A very very young child. And it turns out that both parents cannot work. My former friend has depression and they suspect autism in his case. Seemignly he said he can sort of understand my situation with all of his current health struggles. I suspect that my former friend also asked my autistic friends about his sex life. But this isn't confirmed a wording of him sounded like that though.
We have talked a lot about procreation iny my friend group. And I convinced most of my friends that procreation is something that has to be thought-through. I had a time period were I could not stop talking about antinatalism until I realized debating this issue with people online is such a wasted time. And I think the obsession is often perceived not well by other people. You are perceived as weirdo. Now when remember it I once had a crush on a woman in a clinic who was antinatalist. I was too socially awkward though at this time and I think this was the reason she rejected me. This gave me the motivation to work on my social awkwardness. Taking antipsychotics gave me enough stability and actually I think I did a lot of progress since then. More than my second therapist considered possible.
The woman I had a crush on was so amazing. Though she also said when she is in depressive episode she cuts social contacts.
But actually at that clinic stay another woman had a crush on me. An extremely good looking borderline woman also completely my type considering her outer appearance. But she wasn't able to control her life at all, did a lot of drugs in an extreme way. I told her drugs are for me not negotiable. She also tried to commit suicide prior to that clinic stay, her borderline was sort of out of control and I also thought maybe a breakup with me could have deteriorated her mental health further. The chatbot feedback will tell me to cut this anecdote but fuck that. This is what defines my thread rambling on another level...where was I?
But to the friend who asked everyone about their sex life. He hinted to my friend he regrets having a child. Well he should have thought more about it prior to making this decision. His remarks "I know she doesn't look all that great...but it is good enough for fucking her..." became an insider in my friend group. And I could not resist to ask another friend on that party whether it was worth it? Alluding (maybe in a cynical way) whether the trade being able to "fuck her" was worth ruining his life and bringing another sentient being in a very difficult situation. Honestly I was angry at my friend. It really sounded like he only agreed to having a child because his wife (who also cannot work) (and his family doesn't like her) persuaded him to. I see this very very critical and a very serious problem. I think also due to the fact my parents were not able to be good parents and despite that they decided to have two children. And my friend also complained about his parents and well seemingly he didn't learn the lesson. Bro chatGPT will criticize me heavily for this rant. But I think the people on here know where I am coming from.
Oh I forgot something. This is something I learned today. My autistic friends who enbodies positivity in our friend group. He is by far the most positive person I know. It was suggested that he sees a therapist. And this therapist replied to him that he is currently in a depressive episode. I was really really stunned. And it let me doubt my analytic skills massively. I hope to be self-aware and I hope being able to read people. Especially people that I know closely. But I didn't expect that. My other friends don't know it yet but I think no one expected something like that. However, I thought more about it and it really makes sense to me. I think the nature of my friend really is positivity and a positive attitude. Though, his depression really looks uncommon. His frustration about dating was palpable and he becomes increasingly sort of aggressive when talking about it. And sometimes a little bit mean towards me. I think his depression shows itself in his temper/tenseness. I wish we could support him more. But I have the feeling he will keep this as a secret in front of the friend group for a while. Something that seems counterproductive to me.
So I am back on here and posting way too long (a little bit concerning long) threads. I will make a cut here. The evening was really really good. I haven't felt that carefree for a long time. At least for some hours.
Edit: This thread was posted three times. I deleted two of the copies. The access to this forum was very buggy. And I pressed post this thread too often. While not realizing that the forum froze completely. It was really frustrating because I wanted to delete the possible copies very badly. It was stressful I kept refreshing the site over and overr again for 30 minutes. With different VPN points. Hopefully I can post more this evening.
Edit2: The title is sort of provocative but it should mirror the thinking my former friend might have towards women.
Yesterday I was invited to a party. I am not doing well recently. A lot is going on in my mind. I was pretty depressed almost the whole party. Sometimes I could not laugh when others cracked jokes. This is something not unusual for me. When I drop jokes I laugh a lot. I also laugh when I have insiders with my friends. But when someone cracks a joke that isn't aware of my struggle I often cannot laugh with them. Or can do it. But then rather as a form of masking and it induces a pretty bad feeling inside me. Usually my mood becomes worse at the evening. Usually the meetings with my friends are good but when I have to leave I am feeling bad. Yesterday I stayed over night. And interestingly my mood became way better at the evening. We did a video call with a friend who wasn't able to come. And I carried us with jokes. I became like really silly and did very stupid jokes all the time. And many of them considered them really funny. I like it to make jokes when I am feeling bad. Sometimes this can help to cope with my feelings and it really helped me significantly yesterday. All my worrying about the abuse of my former therapist and all that other shit was gone for a couple of hours. I postponed going to bed a lot and we still played games. I sort of like it to spend the evening with my friends. On the other hand it is weird I wasn't as exhausted as usually.
We had a lot of discussions. And I learned about new developments. And it has to do with the following thread I posted recently. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/bad-boys-and-some-rambling-about-autistic-quirks.252190/
I try to sum up the relevance or copy paste passages.
I have one autistic friend who is very successfully job wise. He has way more money than any of us. He often says how happy he is, he laughs and jokes, has a high self-confidence and is on the outside extremely positive. He is the most positive person in our friend group. On the other hand he really struggles with dating. We are a very neurodivergent friend group. But he has among us the least dating experiences and I sensed that he is increasignly frustrated. He is socially very awkward and I think in order to have more dating success he should work on masking his autism more. He really dislikes criticism and thus far I never told him that. I think he would not react well. I will later explain more.
So this aforementioned friend met another former friend of our friendgroup. And they had conversations about dating
I ghosted that person. He has an horrible attitude to dating/women.. He is very insensitive. When some people in my friends where in a relationship the first question was "How is your sex life?" And when one friend had his first gf he expressed with the words "How? How? How? (How did he found a gf?) that is sort of an asshole on this issue. He wasn't empathetic in the past but I was increasingly not willed to keep the contact.
I will copy paste the passage from the other thread. "So my autistic friend met someone recently who once was in my friend group. I cut the contact with that person because he talked pejoratively about my mental health issues and he bragged with sex and stuff like that. There is a crazy story about his now wife and mother of his child. But when the relationship started he said to another friend who still has contact with him. "I know she doesn't look all that great...but it is good enough for fucking her..."and holy shit. What an asshole. I was astound when I found out it is the woman who he later married...I mean it makes the anecdote more crazy."
My autistic friend elaborated more about this former friend. I know he has a child. A very very young child. And it turns out that both parents cannot work. My former friend has depression and they suspect autism in his case. Seemignly he said he can sort of understand my situation with all of his current health struggles. I suspect that my former friend also asked my autistic friends about his sex life. But this isn't confirmed a wording of him sounded like that though.
We have talked a lot about procreation iny my friend group. And I convinced most of my friends that procreation is something that has to be thought-through. I had a time period were I could not stop talking about antinatalism until I realized debating this issue with people online is such a wasted time. And I think the obsession is often perceived not well by other people. You are perceived as weirdo. Now when remember it I once had a crush on a woman in a clinic who was antinatalist. I was too socially awkward though at this time and I think this was the reason she rejected me. This gave me the motivation to work on my social awkwardness. Taking antipsychotics gave me enough stability and actually I think I did a lot of progress since then. More than my second therapist considered possible.
The woman I had a crush on was so amazing. Though she also said when she is in depressive episode she cuts social contacts.
But actually at that clinic stay another woman had a crush on me. An extremely good looking borderline woman also completely my type considering her outer appearance. But she wasn't able to control her life at all, did a lot of drugs in an extreme way. I told her drugs are for me not negotiable. She also tried to commit suicide prior to that clinic stay, her borderline was sort of out of control and I also thought maybe a breakup with me could have deteriorated her mental health further. The chatbot feedback will tell me to cut this anecdote but fuck that. This is what defines my thread rambling on another level...where was I?
But to the friend who asked everyone about their sex life. He hinted to my friend he regrets having a child. Well he should have thought more about it prior to making this decision. His remarks "I know she doesn't look all that great...but it is good enough for fucking her..." became an insider in my friend group. And I could not resist to ask another friend on that party whether it was worth it? Alluding (maybe in a cynical way) whether the trade being able to "fuck her" was worth ruining his life and bringing another sentient being in a very difficult situation. Honestly I was angry at my friend. It really sounded like he only agreed to having a child because his wife (who also cannot work) (and his family doesn't like her) persuaded him to. I see this very very critical and a very serious problem. I think also due to the fact my parents were not able to be good parents and despite that they decided to have two children. And my friend also complained about his parents and well seemingly he didn't learn the lesson. Bro chatGPT will criticize me heavily for this rant. But I think the people on here know where I am coming from.
Oh I forgot something. This is something I learned today. My autistic friends who enbodies positivity in our friend group. He is by far the most positive person I know. It was suggested that he sees a therapist. And this therapist replied to him that he is currently in a depressive episode. I was really really stunned. And it let me doubt my analytic skills massively. I hope to be self-aware and I hope being able to read people. Especially people that I know closely. But I didn't expect that. My other friends don't know it yet but I think no one expected something like that. However, I thought more about it and it really makes sense to me. I think the nature of my friend really is positivity and a positive attitude. Though, his depression really looks uncommon. His frustration about dating was palpable and he becomes increasingly sort of aggressive when talking about it. And sometimes a little bit mean towards me. I think his depression shows itself in his temper/tenseness. I wish we could support him more. But I have the feeling he will keep this as a secret in front of the friend group for a while. Something that seems counterproductive to me.
So I am back on here and posting way too long (a little bit concerning long) threads. I will make a cut here. The evening was really really good. I haven't felt that carefree for a long time. At least for some hours.
Edit: This thread was posted three times. I deleted two of the copies. The access to this forum was very buggy. And I pressed post this thread too often. While not realizing that the forum froze completely. It was really frustrating because I wanted to delete the possible copies very badly. It was stressful I kept refreshing the site over and overr again for 30 minutes. With different VPN points. Hopefully I can post more this evening.
Edit2: The title is sort of provocative but it should mirror the thinking my former friend might have towards women.
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