I think in my case the answer is intricate. At least in the social relationship that work. There is this How I Met your Mother episode about exactly this question. But they referred only to romantic relationships.
When I texted with woman or when I was in a short relationship usually I invested more than them. Maybe on a level that it was unattractive or counterproductive. Maybe it shows too much my desperation. This could only be half true. Because I think in many instances the situations we were in just didn't fit. Or in general I think I am more interesting for a niche of women. And as man in online dating you are usually the one who has to invest more because often women have more options than you.
I think I very good at making friends. I just filled a diagnostic test for autism. I took the option I am relatively good in making friends. Whereas my mom (who has to fill in a diagnostic test about me as outside perspective) she ticked the box I would be really bad at making friends. On many instances she had no clue what to tick because she doesn't ask herself these psychological questions about me. But overall she ticked the boxes more accurately than I expect it.
When I was in my self-help group I joked I was really good in making friends in college courses and this is really true. I bribed them with secret exams from former smeesters. In all courses everyone considered me the ultimate striver/smart-ass. In lectures I tried to be invisible. But we had tutorial and smaller seminars. I was really popular tbh. I think people were sort of impressed how much energy I invested (they didn't know I only studied part-time), people called me really smart and some wanted to take advantage of me because I could help them. In many cases I didn't mind. Especially when it didn't cost me much effort.
I experienced a lot though. There are many college stories. I was in a courses and two assholes sat close to me. They talked about secretive exams of former courses. And the guy had to repeat the course and had access to them. He wanted to brag towards that he could share them with me. I accepted that offer. When I took pictures he made fun of me because my hands were shaking. And they made fun like loook how he shaking because of these old exams. That's so funny. I told him I have medical issues and that's the reason why I am shaking. (I think it is a side effects of my medication and I was in a nightmarish mental condition). I am not sure with how many people I shared these old exams but people really celebrated me for sharing the old exams with them. Eventually our exam was completely different though.But sharing resources can make you really really popular. But even without that I was able to make friends.
The first person that I met in my college major became a really close friend. He was effective altruist that spend aburd time in helping other people. After some years he ghosted me though. I had the feeling he prioritized his career path. I am not all that angry but I once met him and he looked like he had a guilty conscience over it.
From my college time only one friend remained. I was too ashamed that I wasn't able to get my degree. And I was so fukcing depressed and suicidal. I once pissed a libertarian off with whom I had contact with. I think I should not have been that cheeky about his economic policies and I sort of regret it. But I was on the edge of suicide. It is very rare I get angry at other people as a result.
I should go back to the topic. I am rambling. It is sort of sad only one friend of my college time remained. But I feel so bad everyone's life progressed whereas my life is regressive and deteriorating. WIth my college friends the investment is balance is mixed. He is the one who more often initiates meetings. But I initiate texting more often. Personally, I don't really get why he isn't more lonely. Because it seems like I am his only real friend. But he has strong connections to his family.
With some friends the following annoys me. When I send them a voice message over 4 minutes some of them ignore it. But they expect me to listen to their voice notes that are sometimes even longer. Though with other friends when it comes to group chats. I often also skip longer voice notes.
With my friend who moved to Japan. We all try to stay connected to him. And to support him. But it is a weird feeling we support him to that he can make new connections in Japan which actually might lead to the fact that in the longrun our connection will vanish. But it is his dream and we support him in that. Everything else would be pretty shitty.
Before I come to my closest friends I want to point out my relation to this forum. And its members. I think it is not all that clear whether I take more than I give. I think I give the forum members a lot of food for thought, distractions from suffering (at least I try), I try to comfort people to make them feel less lonely but I primarily do this by posting threads and sharing stories. I am not among the people who comment the most on here. Commenting is a very noble thing. I am not sure why I am drawn so much more to creating threads. I have various theories for that. I think many members on here gave me so much love, comfort, company, moments of joy and relief, feedback that helps me to stay sane and stable and so much more. I am very thankful to this community. I would not know how I should cope without this place. And this place also lifts the weight of the shoulders of people I know in real life. There was a time I spammed excessively in the group with my three closest friends. And they were really really overhelmed by all of this. I quitting college was really good for taking some pressure. Exchanges with chatbots give me feedback and help me with my decision-making (I really struggle with that) and relieves some pressure of the chest of my friends.
I think with my two closest friends. I tend to think they give me more support than vice versa. But it depends. I am the one who travels to them usually. I invest more time in that. There is one friend where we have our parties and he is more or less the centre of our friend group. Also locations wise. I can remember when I had my first psychosis. My biology teacher an old woman that I really disliked. They complimented my two closest friends that they didn't stop the contact with me despite my psychosis. And both of them considered her statement extremely insane. As if this condition was so stigmatized so that they had to cut ties. I think my vulnerability and the need to talk about everything that happened in my life. Opening up strengthened out friendship. I think I am bing in oversharing. But my friends don't mind. Many of my friends are neurodivergent. They consider my jokes really really funny. And often I make them laugh when when I feel bad. I can make other people laugh even when I am in pain when I am able to share my pain with them in serious talk. Sometimes one can also jokes about serious topics. I think we support each other a lot. The friendship has become more balanced again when it comes to investments. But there were times I was extremely overwhelmed, paranoid 24/7, very suicidal and I vented extremely much. And my friends never cut ties. They never even considered it. But they expressed that they get sort of overwhlemed by the level and length of my cries for help. One friend of mine also intervened in my almost suicide attempt in 2024. Let's say the outcome of this day could have been way worse. At least the police arrived before taking the SN. I think reanimiation would have been really really scary and it could have screwed my family. I elaborated so much on this. I will end it here.
What about you?
When I texted with woman or when I was in a short relationship usually I invested more than them. Maybe on a level that it was unattractive or counterproductive. Maybe it shows too much my desperation. This could only be half true. Because I think in many instances the situations we were in just didn't fit. Or in general I think I am more interesting for a niche of women. And as man in online dating you are usually the one who has to invest more because often women have more options than you.
I think I very good at making friends. I just filled a diagnostic test for autism. I took the option I am relatively good in making friends. Whereas my mom (who has to fill in a diagnostic test about me as outside perspective) she ticked the box I would be really bad at making friends. On many instances she had no clue what to tick because she doesn't ask herself these psychological questions about me. But overall she ticked the boxes more accurately than I expect it.
When I was in my self-help group I joked I was really good in making friends in college courses and this is really true. I bribed them with secret exams from former smeesters. In all courses everyone considered me the ultimate striver/smart-ass. In lectures I tried to be invisible. But we had tutorial and smaller seminars. I was really popular tbh. I think people were sort of impressed how much energy I invested (they didn't know I only studied part-time), people called me really smart and some wanted to take advantage of me because I could help them. In many cases I didn't mind. Especially when it didn't cost me much effort.
I experienced a lot though. There are many college stories. I was in a courses and two assholes sat close to me. They talked about secretive exams of former courses. And the guy had to repeat the course and had access to them. He wanted to brag towards that he could share them with me. I accepted that offer. When I took pictures he made fun of me because my hands were shaking. And they made fun like loook how he shaking because of these old exams. That's so funny. I told him I have medical issues and that's the reason why I am shaking. (I think it is a side effects of my medication and I was in a nightmarish mental condition). I am not sure with how many people I shared these old exams but people really celebrated me for sharing the old exams with them. Eventually our exam was completely different though.But sharing resources can make you really really popular. But even without that I was able to make friends.
The first person that I met in my college major became a really close friend. He was effective altruist that spend aburd time in helping other people. After some years he ghosted me though. I had the feeling he prioritized his career path. I am not all that angry but I once met him and he looked like he had a guilty conscience over it.
From my college time only one friend remained. I was too ashamed that I wasn't able to get my degree. And I was so fukcing depressed and suicidal. I once pissed a libertarian off with whom I had contact with. I think I should not have been that cheeky about his economic policies and I sort of regret it. But I was on the edge of suicide. It is very rare I get angry at other people as a result.
I should go back to the topic. I am rambling. It is sort of sad only one friend of my college time remained. But I feel so bad everyone's life progressed whereas my life is regressive and deteriorating. WIth my college friends the investment is balance is mixed. He is the one who more often initiates meetings. But I initiate texting more often. Personally, I don't really get why he isn't more lonely. Because it seems like I am his only real friend. But he has strong connections to his family.
With some friends the following annoys me. When I send them a voice message over 4 minutes some of them ignore it. But they expect me to listen to their voice notes that are sometimes even longer. Though with other friends when it comes to group chats. I often also skip longer voice notes.
With my friend who moved to Japan. We all try to stay connected to him. And to support him. But it is a weird feeling we support him to that he can make new connections in Japan which actually might lead to the fact that in the longrun our connection will vanish. But it is his dream and we support him in that. Everything else would be pretty shitty.
Before I come to my closest friends I want to point out my relation to this forum. And its members. I think it is not all that clear whether I take more than I give. I think I give the forum members a lot of food for thought, distractions from suffering (at least I try), I try to comfort people to make them feel less lonely but I primarily do this by posting threads and sharing stories. I am not among the people who comment the most on here. Commenting is a very noble thing. I am not sure why I am drawn so much more to creating threads. I have various theories for that. I think many members on here gave me so much love, comfort, company, moments of joy and relief, feedback that helps me to stay sane and stable and so much more. I am very thankful to this community. I would not know how I should cope without this place. And this place also lifts the weight of the shoulders of people I know in real life. There was a time I spammed excessively in the group with my three closest friends. And they were really really overhelmed by all of this. I quitting college was really good for taking some pressure. Exchanges with chatbots give me feedback and help me with my decision-making (I really struggle with that) and relieves some pressure of the chest of my friends.
I think with my two closest friends. I tend to think they give me more support than vice versa. But it depends. I am the one who travels to them usually. I invest more time in that. There is one friend where we have our parties and he is more or less the centre of our friend group. Also locations wise. I can remember when I had my first psychosis. My biology teacher an old woman that I really disliked. They complimented my two closest friends that they didn't stop the contact with me despite my psychosis. And both of them considered her statement extremely insane. As if this condition was so stigmatized so that they had to cut ties. I think my vulnerability and the need to talk about everything that happened in my life. Opening up strengthened out friendship. I think I am bing in oversharing. But my friends don't mind. Many of my friends are neurodivergent. They consider my jokes really really funny. And often I make them laugh when when I feel bad. I can make other people laugh even when I am in pain when I am able to share my pain with them in serious talk. Sometimes one can also jokes about serious topics. I think we support each other a lot. The friendship has become more balanced again when it comes to investments. But there were times I was extremely overwhelmed, paranoid 24/7, very suicidal and I vented extremely much. And my friends never cut ties. They never even considered it. But they expressed that they get sort of overwhlemed by the level and length of my cries for help. One friend of mine also intervened in my almost suicide attempt in 2024. Let's say the outcome of this day could have been way worse. At least the police arrived before taking the SN. I think reanimiation would have been really really scary and it could have screwed my family. I elaborated so much on this. I will end it here.
What about you?
