would u still ctb if u knew u could be happy and that it will get better

[cantthinkofusername]

i think with 3-5 years of dedicated work i could be truly and genuinely happy. i just dont really think its worth it and i want to die. going 2 ctb this month probably . in spite of everything i feel like its meant to be

 

[carfemtanyl]

depends on the time frame but generally no

 

[dragonofenvy]

Yes. Because nothing will heal the childhood and life that was stolen from me. Nothing can repair the damage caused. I've accomplished goals I thought I could only dream of. I didn't feel a damn thing. I'm never going to.

I'm either going to be dead this month, or in February. I've finally made peace with the choice.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

depends on the time frame but generally no

how come ? also i like ur username.

Yes. Because nothing will heal the childhood and life that was stolen from me. Nothing can repair the damage caused. I've accomplished goals I thought I could only dream of. I didn't feel a damn thing. I'm never going to.

I'm either going to be dead this month, or in February. I've finally made peace with the choice.

i think this makes sense and i wish the best for you. at a certain point it is too little too late

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Over the last 8 years of wanting to die, I can honestly say that I have had moments where I was happy and it was better, but then it got bad again. Then it would get better again, and then get bad again, but every time it got bad, the lows just got lower and lower until I almost killed myself a couple years ago.

Now I'm stuck in some kind of limbo where I know I will end my life eventually but don't know when. I still even have days now where I am happy when I'm working on my writing and playing video games I love while also sipping on whiskey. But like a guy on youtube I watch says, even if you feel good for a while, be on the look out because the good feelings are not going to last. Life will eventually knock me down again and when it does that could be it for me.

 

[niki wonoto]

Over the last 8 years of wanting to die, I can honestly say that I have had moments where I was happy and it was better, but then it got bad again. Then it would get better again, and then get bad again, but every time it got bad, the lows just got lower and lower until I almost killed myself a couple years ago.

Now I'm stuck in some kind of limbo where I know I will end my life eventually but don't know when. I still even have days now where I am happy when I'm working on my writing and playing video games I love while also sipping on whiskey. But like a guy on youtube I watch says, even if you feel good for a while, be on the look out because the good feelings are not going to last. Life will eventually knock me down again and when it does that could be it for me.

this is how I exactly feel.

- from Indonesia -

 

[RazzleDazzle]

I mean, five years ago, after I first came on here and made this account, I tried that. I tried to keep going. I tried to build a life. I tried to create something positive. And I physically and psychologically have broken down. I tried so hard to keep going and build something positive and good, and I am so broken down and alone and left with nothing.

I actually wish now that I'd given up on trying years ago. I really wish I hadn't tried and had just done whatever the fuck I wanted. I got everything wrong. Even when I was trying to do the right things I got everything wrong. Such a wasted, empty life. And there's nothing I can do now.

 

[Mr.Ruben]

life gets it's waves of happiness, saying that I will be happy, I know well it is temporary, like all things. I surely wish to have a happy life, is so the thoughts of ctb wouldn't appear so often, but after that happiness peak, it can go either good or bad.

Some may say I am too wishful, as life simply gets more complicated, and I agree, but seeing find happiness after monstrous struggle really gives hope.

 

[android]

Over the last 8 years of wanting to die, I can honestly say that I have had moments where I was happy and it was better, but then it got bad again. Then it would get better again, and then get bad again, but every time it got bad, the lows just got lower and lower until I almost killed myself a couple years ago.

Now I'm stuck in some kind of limbo where I know I will end my life eventually but don't know when. I still even have days now where I am happy when I'm working on my writing and playing video games I love while also sipping on whiskey. But like a guy on youtube I watch says, even if you feel good for a while, be on the look out because the good feelings are not going to last. Life will eventually knock me down again and when it does that could be it for me.

i read somewhere that people are most likely to kill themselves in that middle period between things being good and things being bad. They get so tired of cycling between good and bad, that they just have the clarity to end it before it cycles to good again. That's apparently why after many suicides, family/friends comment saying 'life was so good for them', 'things were on the up', etc.

 

[carfemtanyl]

how come ? also i like ur username.

well I mainly want to ctb because of my current living situation but I don't see a reason to ctb if said situation improves significantly
but I don't think it will ever get better

 

[cantthinkofusername]

well I mainly want to ctb because of my current living situation but I don't see a reason to ctb if said situation improves significantly
but I don't think it will ever get better

hugs :(

 

[Forveleth]

i just dont really think its worth it and i want to die.

This is where I am at. Good life, bad life, I do not care. I just want to be dead.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

i read somewhere that people are most likely to kill themselves in that middle period between things being good and things being bad. They get so tired of cycling between good and bad, that they just have the clarity to end it before it cycles to good again. That's apparently why after many suicides, family/friends comment saying 'life was so good for them', 'things were on the up', etc.

i think this makes a lot of sense and thats why im doing it.

 

[mar173]

It's enough for someone to wire me 200 thousand dollars and I won't commit suicide.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is no such thing as happiness, existing is only suffering and I find it so terrible how a human can suffer in this existence for so long with no limit as to how much one can be tortured just to face the terrible extreme agony of old age, it's just so terrible how this existence of torturous, futile suffering was imposed at all. I'll always just see this existence as a mistake that only ever tortures existing beings, all I want is to erase this terrible, cruel existence like I never suffered at all, for me non-existence is all that could ever be positive and desirable, only in non-existence will I be at peace from all future dreadful suffering, to suffer in this existence truly is an abomination.

 

[sobeit0]

It's not possible for me to enjoy life in the way others can. Happiness is nice, but it is also tainted by everything and feels horrible. The day to day cacophony of negative feelings is also not too great. I don't really care about improving or doing anything besides working shitty jobs

 

[valar_morghulis21]

i think with 3-5 years of dedicated work i could be truly and genuinely happy. i just dont really think its worth it and i want to die. going 2 ctb this month probably . in spite of everything i feel like its meant to be

Not sure. I need to have a definition of happy and what way things gonna get better for me. And whether the conditions gonna be sustainable or if things gonna go to shit in a couple of years again

 

[Bombercrab]

no, even if i decidie i want to stay alive, the world wont get better, and ill have to watch as it becomes a living hell, and then i will want to CTB again.
maybe this is stoop reasoning idk the world is fucked