Venting Work has been terrible.

[Katatonia]

I know that i probably sound irrational but i think my coworkers hate me. Today i was asked to work the closing shift. And it felt more like a "we dont want to see you anymore go to the shift where no one is" rather than them just wanting me to work at that time. We also raise donations, and when we hit our goal our manager gets a 'pie' thrown in his face, mostly just to lift the spirits. However during that time i was organizing shelves about 20 feet away, instead of telling me that it was happening they only called me over to clean up the mess. Of course thats my job, so it makes sense. But i feel like im left out of the joke. Even worse when i slipped on my own wet floor and fell. Not to mention one of my other coworkers is rude to everyone except for all the people my age. Excluding me that is. She treats them all like her grandchildren and i only get scowls and groans every time i ask a question. Im only freshly an adult, i dont understand what i did to piss her off so much.

Along with the constant feeling that everyone hates me i have terrible DR/DP. Every time i walk down those isles and organize those shelves i feel so unreal, like im just watching a rather boring movie. Its only been getting worse and when mixed with constant suicidal thoughts i sometimes worry i will end up just killing myself while in an episode before i can snap out of it and realize this isnt just some game i can respawn in. But i do think maybe that would be better for me. To just die while im a state where i dont even realize im dying.

I also lost my only locker key. If i dont find it tomorrow ill be pretty screwed, especially since my boss bought it for me. What a way to show how 'responsible' i am, right? What a mess.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry for what you are going through at work. It sucks that you are made to feel unwanted.