Method nitazenes/fent. feeling so hopeless

[fettyshooter]

the answers to my first post completely destroyed all the faith i had in the method ive been planning to use for over a year. now i dont know what to do. im so broke and the only vendors ive found selling nitazenes want you to buy 30 + grams at once. i dont have $2000 i dont even have $600. i only get $200 every time i see this guy once a week and im running out of time. the highest he ever paid me was $300 but i had to do some wildly uncomfortable shit to get that extra $100.

you guys said 2 grams of fent probably wouldnt be enough to kill me with my tolerance so what about 3? is 3 more promising? im still using 150 milligrams a day. (IN not IV) i still have the tiny 45mgs of liquid methadone and grapefruit juice even though it probably wont help much.

im so desperate. i have to figure something out before i run out of fent. i just want to die already im exhausted. ive wanted to die my whole life i am so sick of being here. when i was 8 i kept thinking i wouldnt make it to 12 but i didnt have anyone to help me pick better methods so i kept failing. i cant believe ive made it this far. it feels horrible

im extremely jealous of people who arent dependent on opioids and dont have to constantly worry about going into withdrawal. having to find something else that will work in such a tiny amount of time is making me feel sick. i would let someone do anything to me just for a small bag of zenes! i saw someone say they found a listing for $300. WHERE?!? i cant stop panicking and sobbing i only have one chance and i have to hurry. is 2 grams of fent really not enough? is 3 not good enough either?

i thought maybe i could copy what that one person said about taking the 2-3 grams of fent and drowning but the only lake here i need a car to get to and its always surrounded by people. my boyfriend has a car but he would never leave me somewhere. the empty house i briefly mentioned does have a pool in the backyard but its out in the open and anyone in either of the homes next to it can see it.

if 3 isnt enough i dont know what the fuck im going to do. i feel like im finally going to have a stroke.

 

[fettyshooter]

i hate that this is the only place to ask this question. cant ask other junkies who would probably be better at answering. theyre too smart theres no way i could word this without them seeing right through it. ive seen suicidal people post there before and theyll be nice to them but they wont give them an answer. i feel like if i just go ahead and take all 3 grams without hearing from anyone else ill fail miserably again and wake up in horrible withdrawal with no fent left. withdrawal is so much scarier than anything else. id handle being kicked out with nothing better than id handle knowing im about to go into withdrawal. suicide is too damn hard.