Venting wish people knew im dying soon

[interna]

im tired of wasting my days and hours in pointless arguments or fights with the people i love. i don't want to undermine their feelings and motives to be angry at me at all this isn't some cheap cop-out to avoid taking responsibility for what i might've done to upset someone or something im just overwhelmed

although it's not in my control, i logically want my last week to go by smoothly. doesn't seem like it's something that'll happen. fights w friends, w family, ugly behavior from both me and loved ones, in the case of family mistreatment of one another for no reason other than habit;

i feel so guilty too cuz i know my loved ones are, obviously, gonna feel bad about themselves once i kill myself. i dont want my death to be chalked up to Caused By An Argument. its not!! its not that at all!! arguments are part of life and relationships but god i wish they weren't taking place my literal last days of life...... i dont want anyone to feel like they had a say or played a part in my decision to kill myself. selfishly, i see this as MY moment. i dont want my autonomy overlooked even in death. Ack,,,.... its not anyone's to reclaim. i don't want anyone making themselves the reason i died. it's not like that. im afraid they'll do that...

sigh. but such is life. people die with regrets all the time. i need to make peace with this i guess..... very basic sentiment expressed here and im aware ive said Nothing new (or of essence for that matter), but i had a fight w my friend and needed to vent

 

[booplesnoot34]

That's what suicide notes are for. To clear things up and say what you want heard.

 

[sleepytime5]

im tired of wasting my days and hours in pointless arguments or fights with the people i love. i don't want to undermine their feelings and motives to be angry at me at all this isn't some cheap cop-out to avoid taking responsibility for what i might've done to upset someone or something im just overwhelmed

although it's not in my control, i logically want my last week to go by smoothly. doesn't seem like it's something that'll happen. fights w friends, w family, ugly behavior from both me and loved ones, in the case of family mistreatment of one another for no reason other than habit;

i feel so guilty too cuz i know my loved ones are, obviously, gonna feel bad about themselves once i kill myself. i dont want my death to be chalked up to Caused By An Argument. its not!! its not that at all!! arguments are part of life and relationships but god i wish they weren't taking place my literal last days of life...... i dont want anyone to feel like they had a say or played a part in my decision to kill myself. selfishly, i see this as MY moment. i dont want my autonomy overlooked even in death. Ack,,,.... its not anyone's to reclaim. i don't want anyone making themselves the reason i died. it's not like that. im afraid they'll do that...

sigh. but such is life. people die with regrets all the time. i need to make peace with this i guess..... very basic sentiment expressed here and im aware ive said Nothing new (or of essence for that matter), but i had a fight w my friend and needed to vent

I feel this so deep, my dad's a total asshole, I am one too but ever since I decided to ctb I kinda tried yk smoothing things out with people, it's the end after all so let's make it nice, but nope can't have that, they think nothings wrong cause I didn't say anything, after all why would I, all I'd get is judgement and a psych ward visit. So I stopped caring, I kinda view it as ctb fuel tbh, shows me that life is shitty and no one cares unless ur gonna die, makes me less attached to them

 

[kirillbledny]

I feel the exact same way. I wish suicide was societally accepted so that you could tell people "look, I'm gonna ctb on xyz date, if you wanna do something with me before then, let's do it now." People have a hard time just accepting that, they always go into saviour mode and try to convince you to not do it instead.

I play a lot of videogames and my aunt said about 2 months ago she'd be interested in trying them, since she doesn't know anything about it and it's something I like. I was quite excited about it, but then it turned into "well, we'll do it after summer", but I'll be dead in autumn... I think about whether she'll regret not taking me up on it sooner. My sister wanted to go to Amsterdam with me since we both love weed, but then she went with her friend instead. It sucks. I wish I could be completely honest without someone calling emergency services and getting me hospitalized.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

Sometimes I do too, but it would just open up a can of fucked up worms. Oh well, best I can do is just enjoy myself in the meantime.