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F

FallFadesIntoWinter

Member
Apr 25, 2022
75
I already pre-wrote out a bunch of letters to people, all individually addressed in terms of what I wanted to say to each person.

My parents got one, my ex got another, my good childhood friends all got one (3 in total) and my current g/f got one.

I even wrote out my own obituary too because I wanted it to come from me in my own words and I didn't want any of that generic crap you usually see. It's a mixture of humour, sadness, poetic and apologetic but certainly not boring. I absolutely deserve to have my own life summed up by the only person who could do it justice… me.

I also wrote out my very specific plans for my cremation and how I wanted my ashes to be mixed with my dog's (who passed a few years ago) and exactly where I want us to be spread out. I said no to any type of religious ceremonies or memorials, I really don't want that kind of thing at all. I detailed how I want my possessions to be donated to certain places (clothes) and how I'd want the inheritance I would've eventually gotten (if I had survived both of my parents passing away) to be used (it's going to my ex, who absolutely deserves it).

I found writing out all these things pretty therapeutic and it made my decision easier (in the case if I was ever wavering to actually change my mind about CTB).

In the end, I'd want to tell specific people how I felt so they don't carry about a burden for the rest of their lives thinking they could've done something different to stop me from doing it. Just because my life has been full of sadness and torment, I wouldn't want anyone else to feel the same sadness or pain because I didn't express how I felt to them.
 
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Thequietone

Thequietone

Student
Dec 4, 2021
121
I'll go first. To keep it short and simple, yes, I will apologize to my loved ones for CTB. No family is perfect but god damn it my family gave me their all. If you've ever lost someone to suicide, you'd have an understanding of how CTB can affect loved ones who are left behind. The least I can do is apologize.
Yes I will apologize, my family isn't a good family but I think it makes it easier for them. Especially because I don't have that one reason why I wanna do it, I have lots of reasons and I want them to not get angry and understand me.
 
Seiko

Seiko

"Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby."
Jul 9, 2021
167
I won't. Throughout my life, I've apologized for far too many things. This one is for me.
 
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M

Mir88

Member
Oct 5, 2022
21
I do not think I will leave a note of any kind. I do not have a family, and people who know me will surely understand without me needing to write something. Others are not of my concern.
 
D

donealready

A person
Dec 6, 2022
3,571
I will apologise and acknowledge the pain my ctb will cause, I will not apologise for the act itself.
 
W

Wait-Bus

Student
Sep 20, 2022
145
I will apologize for the pain I caused by my suicide, and my inability to explain why it was necessary partly because I don't understand the urges that lead me down this road. But I won't apologize for the choice I make. It's my life - and I have a right to do what I want with it - including end it.
 
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hellispink

hellispink

poisonous
May 26, 2022
1,229
It will be very hypocritical of me to say sorry. Cause i am not sorry about choosing about my own body and life. Whoever loves me has to respect that i cant stay suffering for their sake. I don't owe anyone to stay and i dont ask anyone to stay for me either.
 
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Z

zeenatax

Specialist
Dec 15, 2022
313
Yes for those who will suffer because of my actions. My family members, my relatives and close friends.
 
I

Idontmatter

Just want it all to be over
Oct 25, 2021
647
Yes because I'll be disappointing my family. I'm selfishly putting myself first now. I'm now to the point where I have no motivation to even get out of bed. I hope they forgive me. I just want to die.
 
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SectOfValtiel

SectOfValtiel

Attendant of God
Nov 7, 2022
217
still not sure ill ever be able to, but... hypothetically if id made up my mind and planned this all out...

id only write a letter to my ex
apologizing for all the ways i fucked up
id want her to know that despite how i acted, despite my mental illnesses, despite everything that went wrong between us, she was still the best thing to ever happen to me and those days early on were the only times i was ever truly happy
because of her
if i could run into her again in 100 life times... well, haha id probably decide to leave her alone rather than ruin 99 of those just for one where i actually learn to make her happy for once like i wanted to
and i guess i *would* apologize for CTBing, but only because i managed to find my peace before her, if she even is still alive
god knows even after everything that happened between us i still believe she deserves that peace way more than i ever would

but none of that matters because im still too much of a coward to even get that far
and even if it got bad enough one day that it did, i wouldnt have a way to reach her... no matter how hard it still is sometimes not to wish i did

otherwise, no
theres not really anyone i think would care enough to bother writing a note for... maybe some people would be hurt by it, i guess, but
i know everyone would move on anyway
people already manage to forget i ever existed while im still alive lmao why would it be any different when im dead?
 
Minibosterita

Minibosterita

Just trying to fill the void
Mar 9, 2021
59
I won't leave a note. Everyone knows how I feel so it's just a matter of time. I attempted when I was younger and I did back then because my mom didn't know how bad I had gotten, but now it's all out in the open so it's easier to ctb
 
TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
7,004
Personally, I have no intention on leaving a note or letter when I CTB (as explained before in various threads), but for the sake of answering the question (and coming from 2019 when I considered a note), I would certainly apologize not for wanting to CTB, but to reassure the reader(s) that they were not responsible nor were their actions the reason for my wanting to CTB.
 
J

jessisme

Specialist
Dec 3, 2022
382
I don't plan to leave a note. I didn't in past attempts and nothing has changed. It's not that I don't love my mother, the only person I will be leaving behind. It's just that I have nothing to say.
 
Someday_Somehow32

Someday_Somehow32

Member
Jul 20, 2022
90
I would apologize, my family wasn't great but some people in there were there for me.
 

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