why is the average person so ok with coping?

[violetforever]

i know its because im suicidal and theyre somehow not but i just cant understand it. like theyre not even passively suicidal? a long time ago i saw something about living with a "tolerable level of permanent unhappiness" in relationships. i think it goes beyond only applying to relationships and extends to life in general.

everyone i know is like this. just coping in life with addictions to either shopping, drugs/alcohol, the internet/social media or uncontrolled lust. obviously theyre at least partially aware that this isnt good for them. theyre not happy, these arent happy lives. dont they ever get tired? im so tired of everything that it drives me insane. nothing is worth staying alive for. i cant believe people stay alive to scroll on their phones and get validation from strangers online, waste money on meaningless objects, damage and slowly kill themselves with substances or just literal momentary sexual pleasure. what the fuck is so great about any of that? the worst part is most of these coping methods destroy relationships between people or create enabling toxic ones.

if people like this were truly satisfied they wouldnt get upset or uncomfortable when you point out that their lives are actually not so great and theyre just distracting themselves. but you cant even blame them for it. the reality of life is so ugly. i hate it but at the same time i understand why people need coping. who am i to tell someone what to do or how to get by in life? i just hate this existence for myself and everyone.

 

[DeathWish3301]

 

[violetforever]

yeah i pretty much agree w all of that

 

[Pluto]

 

[Lucid7972]

I guess people are just dumb, to be honest, I take pride in suicidality, I see it as intellectually honest and brave, it needs reflection to examine our instincts and what appear to be obvious

 

[violetforever]

I guess people are just dumb, to be honest, I take pride in suicidality, I see it as intellectually honest and brave, it needs reflection to examine our instincts and what appear to be obvious

lol at the risk of sounding arrogant, i agree. not that it matters, living ignorantly or painfully aware are both unfavorable.

 

[witchcraft]

Probably lots of reasons, but to offer a guess, they aren't aware they're coping. For some people, denial comes after that. They see the abyss and avert their gaze.

Some may disagree but I've often said that I'd prefer that kind of blissful ignorance. Ideally, I'd prefer life to be worth living without copium, but that's asking too much.

 

[Forever Sleep]

The people I know of that are at least (seemingly) doing better have close families, some have children. I think it's maybe because they have others to worry about as well. Obviously, there's (or should be) more support there. More obligation too- to succeed. To at least look like you're ok maybe.

That said, I'm not sure being in a relationship would change my perspective. Partly why I wouldn't want to be- even if I had the chance. I quite enjoy not having to try to be stronger than I am.

It baffles me too though. I also don't know many people who are entirely happy. A lot are very disillusioned with life. So yeah- I can't figure out what it is they hold on to as being worth all the struggle and maintenance.

 

[paperbaghat]

Well over 50% of people are religious, so that could also be a reason. The world seems less chaotic and cruel when you believe it is all part of god's plan... people find comfort in faith I suppose. Also having strong social connections is known to lower the possibility of suicide.

No one is happy/fulfilled all of the time anyway, those moments are highlights in a person's life.

 

[micahjava]

i know its because im suicidal and theyre somehow not but i just cant understand it. like theyre not even passively suicidal? a long time ago i saw something about living with a "tolerable level of permanent unhappiness" in relationships. i think it goes beyond only applying to relationships and extends to life in general.

everyone i know is like this. just coping in life with addictions to either shopping, drugs/alcohol, the internet/social media or uncontrolled lust. obviously theyre at least partially aware that this isnt good for them. theyre not happy, these arent happy lives. dont they ever get tired? im so tired of everything that it drives me insane. nothing is worth staying alive for. i cant believe people stay alive to scroll on their phones and get validation from strangers online, waste money on meaningless objects, damage and slowly kill themselves with substances or just literal momentary sexual pleasure. what the fuck is so great about any of that? the worst part is most of these coping methods destroy relationships between people or create enabling toxic ones.

if people like this were truly satisfied they wouldnt get upset or uncomfortable when you point out that their lives are actually not so great and theyre just distracting themselves. but you cant even blame them for it. the reality of life is so ugly. i hate it but at the same time i understand why people need coping. who am i to tell someone what to do or how to get by in life? i just hate this existence for myself and everyone.

Most people are conformists and dont really think about things they havent been given permission to think about. Imo, it doesnt matter if their coping mechanisms work or not (they dont) because these people carry out their expectations like religious ritual.

You are more unique than them, which doesnt make you better or worse.

 

[MrHappyFace]

Work. People work their lives, their jobs, their relationships, and their interests.

 

[SatinSoul]

It is genuinely baffling to watch people navigate work, stress, or even just basic hygiene like brushing their teeth without it feeling like a massive hurdle. It really makes you wonder what they have that we don't.

I think it comes down to the fact that when you've had enough bad experiences, your mind starts to overcomplicate things as a defense mechanism. You aren't just doing a task; you're automatically calculating every possible way it could go wrong.

I think, for most people, just going to the post office is a quick errand. For me, it can feel like climbing a mountain because I'm already thinking about the traffic, the possibility of the staff being rude, my social battery dying mid-conversation, or just the weight of having to be seen and maybe even judged by strangers. It's exhausting.

I'm also really worried about where the world is heading lately. It feels like everything is being carved up into subscriptions and ads, and that constant mental noise from things like TikTok is just killing any chance of feeling content or finding joy in silence. It makes just existing feel so much more stressful and draining than it should be, and it's hard not to feel cynical when the world seems designed to keep us distracted and exhausted. There are ways to disconnect you to some degree from their consumerism but it feels harder to do each year. World seems to go crazy and being bombarded by headlines ain't helping.

 

[existentiallinguine]

I always just assumed most people had been through less shit and have a good support system. Most of the people I know who are seriously struggling don't have some core necessity, be that community, housing, or money. If you pair that with some terrible trauma, I feel like life can just run you over. I figured they're performing at this base level of "okay-ness" because they have those things. That doesn't mean they aren't miserable, but they're able to function.

 

[violetforever]

The people I know of that are at least (seemingly) doing better have close families, some have children. I think it's maybe because they have others to worry about as well. Obviously, there's (or should be) more support there. More obligation too- to succeed. To at least look like you're ok maybe.

Also having strong social connections is known to lower the possibility of suicide.

all of the people i know do have families, strong social connections or both and theyre still unhappy so i just dont know. it seems like nothing matters.

You are more unique than them, which doesnt make you better or worse.

its isolating to say the least.

It is genuinely baffling to watch people navigate work, stress, or even just basic hygiene like brushing their teeth without it feeling like a massive hurdle. It really makes you wonder what they have that we don't.

i cant even get out of bed this morning. im just laying here already crying at 9 am and feeling nauseous over living another day.

I'm also really worried about where the world is heading lately. It feels like everything is being carved up into subscriptions and ads, and that constant mental noise from things like TikTok is just killing any chance of feeling content or finding joy in silence. It makes just existing feel so much more stressful and draining than it should be, and it's hard not to feel cynical when the world seems designed to keep us distracted and exhausted. There are ways to disconnect you to some degree from their consumerism but it feels harder to do each year. World seems to go crazy and being bombarded by headlines ain't helping

lol i instantly felt sicker after reading this. its so true and disgusting i hate this world i want out.

That doesn't mean they aren't miserable, but they're able to function.

if merely functioning is all thats achievable in this life id rather go into a deep sleep forever.

 

[NameOfAction]

Well, the world itself isn't awfull on its own. In fact, I find it quite beautiful, if devorced from inner turmoil.
It's brutal and indifferent, but it is human thought that makes it so unbearable. I imagine many derive simple animal pleasure in existing under a vast sky and walking a fertile ground.
I find it easier to exist in nature, away from complexities of being a person

 

[Untimely]

Are you me?? This is my exact philosophy. I can share you some interesting readings if you are curious

 

[violetforever]

Are you me?? This is my exact philosophy. I can share you some interesting readings if you are curious

yes pleaseeee im interested lol

 

[Untimely]

yes pleaseeee im interested lol

https://openairphilosophy.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/OAP_Zapffe_Last_Messiah.pdf

You should check this out, it's about 5 pages, really interesting imo. Curious what you think.

Essentially what it is saying is that humans have evolved to be too intelligent and are able to see life for what it truly is (it sucks) and come up with coping mechanisms.

 

[Intoxicated]

i cant believe people stay alive to scroll on their phones and get validation from strangers online, waste money on meaningless objects, damage and slowly kill themselves with substances or just literal momentary sexual pleasure. what the fuck is so great about any of that?

People just want some pleasure, and they get it. It doesn't have to be "great".

if people like this were truly satisfied

It's very difficult to be 100% satisfied, because human psyche has a very greedy nature and tends to generate more and more demands. Once you've achieved some level of comfort, you'll likely want even more comfort then. But 100% satisfaction is not necessary for feeling that life is worthwhile. As long as overall pleasure outweighs unpleasant things or the ratio of pleasure to displeasure is perceived as acceptable, the life may be deemed satisfactory.

they wouldnt get upset or uncomfortable when you point out that their lives are actually not so great

"Not so great" in relation to what? And what's the point in making people upset by pointing out that their lives are imperfect? It's a remarkable fact that many people often experience severe frustration not because of inherently hard circumstances, but simply because of envy - realizing that they don't have something (desirable) that others have. Envy is a highly destructive thing, and it should be suppressed rather than cultivated.

and theyre just distracting themselves.

If you mean distraction from negative thoughts or perceptions, I don't think it's the sole purpose (and the above mentioned activities are not solely "cope"). By doing something more or less pleasurable, it's possible to enjoy the process and distract yourself from negative thoughts/perceptions at the same time.

 

[Scythe]

They want to live, they might understand they aren't satisified with their life but death is not a trade everyone wants to make. So they adapt, cope, deny, do whatever that blinds them to how shit life has become.

You know what they say, hold onto the little things in life.

 

[violetforever]

People just want some pleasure, and they get it. It doesn't have to be "great".

that depresses me more than you know.

It's very difficult to be 100% satisfied, because human psyche has a very greedy nature and tends to generate more and more demands. Once you've achieved some level of comfort, you'll likely want even more comfort then. But 100% satisfaction is not necessary for feeling that life is worthwhile. As long as overall pleasure outweighs unpleasant things or the ratio of pleasure to displeasure is perceived as acceptable, the life may be deemed satisfactory.

this is what wears me out. always more and more of this or that. things that dont matter and dont make much of a difference if we will want something more eventually.

"Not so great" in relation to what? And what's the point in making people upset by pointing out that their lives are imperfect? It's a remarkable fact that many people often experience severe frustration not because of inherently hard circumstances, but simply because of envy - realizing that they don't have something (desirable) that others have. Envy is a highly destructive thing, and it should be suppressed rather than cultivated.

in the rest of that paragraph i literally said i dont blame people for living like this and i am nobody to tell them how to live. i was just writing my thoughts out over how personally sad i feel about it. i know people with "better" lives than me who are still unhappy so im not very envious.

They want to live, they might understand they aren't satisified with their life but death is not a trade everyone wants to make. So they adapt, cope, deny, do whatever that blinds them to how shit life has become.

You know what they say, hold onto the little things in life.

i completely get what u mean. its just that the concept of wanting to live through all of this is as strange to me as choosing suicide may be to another person.

 

[sadsillygoose]

i know its because im suicidal and theyre somehow not but i just cant understand it. like theyre not even passively suicidal? a long time ago i saw something about living with a "tolerable level of permanent unhappiness" in relationships. i think it goes beyond only applying to relationships and extends to life in general.

everyone i know is like this. just coping in life with addictions to either shopping, drugs/alcohol, the internet/social media or uncontrolled lust. obviously theyre at least partially aware that this isnt good for them. theyre not happy, these arent happy lives. dont they ever get tired? im so tired of everything that it drives me insane. nothing is worth staying alive for. i cant believe people stay alive to scroll on their phones and get validation from strangers online, waste money on meaningless objects, damage and slowly kill themselves with substances or just literal momentary sexual pleasure. what the fuck is so great about any of that? the worst part is most of these coping methods destroy relationships between people or create enabling toxic ones.

if people like this were truly satisfied they wouldnt get upset or uncomfortable when you point out that their lives are actually not so great and theyre just distracting themselves. but you cant even blame them for it. the reality of life is so ugly. i hate it but at the same time i understand why people need coping. who am i to tell someone what to do or how to get by in life? i just hate this existence for myself and everyone.

I think most people know how miserable they are but they just keep trying to pass time, almost like skip the day distracting themselves just to do it all over again. Whats even worse is that most people I've met are married or have kids think because thats what they are supposed to do and thats what everyone else does, which is like wtf, why would you out yourself through that even if you know you will end up miserable. I think if a lot of people are presented with a situation where death is certain, they might choose it and they are also trying to hide it because they think everyone else is fine.

 

[violetforever]

I think most people know how miserable they are but they just keep trying to pass time, almost like skip the day distracting themselves just to do it all over again.

i agree. it reminds me how people always say they need something to look forward to so they can get through the day or the week or even the year. living in the present is that awful i guess. i dont look forward to much of anything except ctb.

Whats even worse is that most people I've met are married or have kids think because thats what they are supposed to do and thats what everyone else does, which is like wtf, why would you out yourself through that even if you know you will end up miserable.

i told someone who is married with children that i never want either of those things. he admitted if he didnt already have kids, he wouldnt want them either. he also sympathized with me and all the other people today who dont want to get married. all i heard was someone who regretted their life choices that they cant back out of. it scared and saddened me to death but i admire him for admitting that…

I think if a lot of people are presented with a situation where death is certain, they might choose it and they are also trying to hide it because they think everyone else is fine.

yeah, thats pretty much why i see this forum as being anonymous.

 

[bobsacamano]

My whole life I tended to see life through a somewhat dark lens but up until the pandemic I coped really well. With the pandemic came a perfect storm of things that collectively knocked me on my knees. And here I am, really just wanting it all
to be over.

How did I cope? Married and with kids I had responsibilities that kept me on task I suppose. And it was a sufficiently happy family life to color my perspective in a positive way. Enough to overcome my natural "glass half empty" perspective.

For some reason then I used to be able to will myself to contentment. I could almost flip a switch. Acknowledging and expressing gratitude made a difference. The right song could propel me out of my funk. And exercise endorphins too.

All of that is gone now. None of that moves the needle. Everything is so black. Or on a good day—gray.

I haven't really answered your question. Im
Sorry.

 

[Intoxicated]

in the rest of that paragraph i literally said i dont blame people for living like this and i am nobody to tell them how to live. i was just writing my thoughts out over how personally sad i feel about it. i know people with "better" lives than me who are still unhappy so im not very envious.

I had a different context in mind. You (along with some other users replied above) seem to think that non-suicidal people (that is, people without frequent suicidal thoughts) tend to overestimate their quality of life (QOL), while you can more accurately measure their QOL with your high-precision QOL-meter. This reminds me of how pro-lifers like to blame suicidal people for underestimating the value of life. I think that in either group (non-suicidal people and suicidal people) the subject commonly better knows what his or her quality of life is. QOL highly depends on the values of the person, and values may differ a lot from individual to individual.

 

[violetforever]

https://openairphilosophy.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/OAP_Zapffe_Last_Messiah.pdf
You should check this out, it's about 5 pages, really interesting imo. Curious what you think.

Essentially what it is saying is that humans have evolved to be too intelligent and are able to see life for what it truly is (it sucks) and come up with coping mechanisms.

i just got around to reading it all. i will probably go back to reading it again. i really liked it. especially the attachment and human yearning part. i resonate with those ideas. thank u for recommending me that

I haven't really answered your question. Im
Sorry.

no, you really did answer it in a way

 

[I_go_in]

Humans evolved to survive and not to be logic machines contrary to what you were told. Humans are social creatures. We evolved to be that way. Believing in things that make us feel better made us survive better than being a logical machine. That's it. I don't know what else to say. If you thought human beings were some sort of demigods that valued logic over survival you were mistaken.

 

[WrathfulGloom32]

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[Untimely]

i just got around to reading it all. i will probably go back to reading it again. i really liked it. especially the attachment and human yearning part. i resonate with those ideas. thank u for recommending me that


no, you really did answer it in a way

Yeah of course, happy to help

 

[violetforever]

The truth? Some of them might like living. Some of them might see a reason to live in basic pleasures. I don't; the best I can do is live out of spite

yeah i get that. im just surrounded by a lot of miserable people and ive seen the worst so that contributes to my perspective