Venting Why is it so hard to drink sn?

[ceelobling]

I was going to drink my sn today in my room but for some reason I didn't do it. I prepped for today and took my antiemetic but when I picked up my jar of sn drink I was unable to. It's not even hesitation, I prepared for today and was set on it. I'm already done with this life and I hate existing. I held the jar of sn drink in my hand and just kept staring at it. I also kept tapping the glass jar like what am I waiting for, why don't I drink it? I was literally staring at it inches away from my face, my out was right there. It seems so simple to just drink it. Why is it easier for other people to just drink it? I wasn't going to make a goodbye thread, because I don't care about that and my only focus is to die, and I don't feel like typing stuff. Maybe making a goodbye thread would've pushed me and made it easier to just drink the sn. I don't even know what I'm going to do anymore. I couldn't even bring myself to drink this shit. But imagining continuing to live on a daily basis sounds like torture. I can't take this anymore. Fuck existence.

 

[ihateittoo]

our brains are hardwired to NOT kill ourselves. Its your survival instinct, or SI as its called here. It is really hard to overcome, It has stopped me countless times.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I've been in the same place you are with SN, except it was back in January of 2024 and I was using a wine glass. I almost had it to my lips but couldn't drink it. Sometimes I wish I had, but other times I don't, it really is weird. Perhaps Survival instinct just got in the way and that's all it was, but if not, perhaps you have something you want to live for still? I don't know what to suggest because I too am jealous of people who manage to go through with their plans. It truly does take more courage to exit life than most people give it credit for, which means doing so is ANYTHING but cowardly.

Maybe SN isn't the right method for you and something better might come along. I really don't know what to suggest. All I can say for sure is I understand what it's like.

 

[johndaves9988]

i have a supplier who provides suicide pills, far better then sn, let me know if you need his contact.

 

[SkeletonFlower96]

i tasted a little bit of SN last night, like just moistened my lips with it.