Why haven’t you committed suicide yet?

[Anxietykillsme]

I want to make sure it's the right thing to do. However the last few months have made me feel like it is the right thing to do.
I'm just waiting for the right time to do it.

 

[Nyxx33]

Pretty much fear... my dad, and the small moments of joy I still have. Otherwise I hate the life I've created and who I have been in this life and want to be gone for good.

 

[Scooby-Doo]

Scared and really anxious but this is what I'm like anyway.

 

[Jumper Geo]

I am still in the planning stage so it will be as quick and painless as possible I've researched one method thoroughly but now I am researching another method.

Cheers

Geo

 

[wanttodie]

Fear of failure

 

[SuicidalDream]

My main reason is that I'm afraid of permanent damage. The other one is that I'm incredibly unmotivated when I'm depressed. I get too hopeful about improving my life when I'm hypomanic, so I don't make progress on my ctb plans when I have the ability to be productive.

 

[woxihuanni]

Because I don't want to die in the fucking least. It is circumstances that will force me to drink my SN. My death is essentially murder.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

At this point, because i dont have access to any good bridge or cliff

 

[kane]

My guess is some combination of survival instinct, fear of an afterlife, not wanting to devastate family, and attachment to the fantasy of a happy life. I'll probably keep shoving the pain and despair down until the point it becomes unbearable. Hopefully it won't be too late by then to Ctb, and I'll have developed the strength to overcome my fear.

 

[roju]

It often hard for me to articulate myself well, because english is not my mother language. I'm sorry about that. But I will try.

I am disappointed in myself. I've been lurking these forums for a while, and I have already chosen my method... Soon I will have all the necessary ingredients for CBT, however, from time to time some thoughts come to me that makes me believe that perhaps I still have a chance in life. That perhaps not everything is finished yet.

But this is all lies, because the diseases I have are incurable and chronic, and it will not be fixed. I'm lying to myself.

I'm just afraid of being stuck in this miserable life forever, just for being a damn coward.

I don't want to see myself degrade every year more and more. Stuck in this reality being incredibly unhappy day to day.

I'm constantly torturing myself by hanging onto the possibility that things will get better, knowing full this is not going to happen. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I need to be prepared to CBT but I am not.

Even though I have promised myself so many times that if my condition did not improve, I was going to end my life. Because I need to end my pain.

I wonder how many times am I going to think "I want to die" and how many times am I going to promise to myself "I am going to kill myself" before I get the enough courage to actually follow through with it.

 

[the-eternal]

fear of failure. laziness. one last ever dwindling bit of hope of living a happy life. at this point it's mostly the survival instinct keeping me here.

 

[Lastsauce]

Just a couple of personal goals which could take some years to see through.
Maybe the anxiety and stress induced high blood pressure strokes me out before all that or it just gets too bad at some point.

 

[blue101]

Personally, I'm just afraid of failing and ending up as some sort of vegetable. That's really the only reason I haven't suicided already.

I really don't care in the least if my family or friends get sad over my death.

ya'll don't need to pressure or stress yourselfs to do it . no matter how much you want it its always gonna be hard to follow through just because you doont follow through doesn't mean your not depressed xx

 

[Anonymoussn]

I've got some very curable health issues. Or at least I hope they're curable. I tried to seek help privately a year and a half ago and they told me I hadn't been suffering for long enough to warrant surgery.

I've been toying with whether to go seek further help ever since. Tomorrow is finally the day. I hope. I'm phoning the doctors and asking for another appointment. If I cant get an appointment, or I get one and they wont operate it's the end. I'm terrified. I just hope I have the balls to actually make the phone call.

 

[AnniesHideaway]

I am committed to giving my kitty her full natural happy life.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I haven't ended it yet because right now I'm stuck in the mindset of "maybe I should give life just one more chance?" ...Even though I have been giving myself dozens of chances over the past 4 years, and things never seem to get better. After this I'll revert back to wanting to CTB again, and then giving things a chance... Again! I'm trapped in a loop.

 

[WinterFaust]

I haven't given recovery a good and proper try. My mood is finally starting to come around after nearly a year of the worst depressive episode I've ever been in. Problem is, I don't know if my current state is one I can even get out of. Lots of debt and ruined credit from months of being unemployed. Need to get a job and find a place to stay. Physical health is in a poor state. Teeth are not in the greatest shape after months of self-neglect. No friends...

Actually now that I think about it, it's probably impossible for me to recover at this point. It's been a challenge for me to get an antiemetic though.

 

[TheWalrus]

Because I'm too lazy to get this rope I need to make a drop hanging work. Once I have it I'm vibing out of here.

Same here! Getting around to actually learning how to tie a decent knot has also proven to be an obstacle.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Because I don't want to die in the fucking least. It is circumstances that will force me to drink my SN. My death is essentially murder.

I feel exactly like this. If there was another option I'd give it a go. I don't want to be dead and I don't want to hurt the people who love me. But there isn't another way. Have tried battle my suicidal thoughts for last 27 years! Can't make my brain stop being what it has always been without switching it off permanently but I'm' terrified nevertheless!

 

[woxihuanni]

I feel exactly like this. If there was another option I'd give it a go. I don't want to be dead and I don't want to hurt the people who love me. But there isn't another way. Have tried battle my suicidal thoughts for last 27 years! Can't make my brain stop being what it has always been without switching it off permanently but I'm' terrified nevertheless!

It's so sad... Over here the circumstances are the other way round: The brain I can live with, it is the lack of love I cannot. I'm terrified, too, would rather die of cancer pains than by my hand and lonely even if it is relatively painless.

 

[VoidGirl]

No access to methods with a decently high chance of success

 

[so tired or manic]

I said in another thread earlier today that I've attempted so many times, but despite getting so very close just about every time I keep surviving against my will. I would tell myself I must be immortal since no matter what precautions I take it's never enough. at the very least I wish for brain damage, but my thinking is never impaired or I suppose improved.

I can't guarantee even 30 minutes can be fast enough.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I think because there's still hope in me, even if it's just the littlest bit. I need something to snuff it out so I can do what is logically the best solution, which is to ctb.

I should have done it back in 2016, like I had planned.

 

[strawberryfield]

i'm not ready to die yet but i think i will be soon

 

[muffin222]

I've decided to give my life another go

 

[BRAINWORMS]

Hurting my loved ones. Sometimes the need to die overcomes my fear of hurting them and I start to seriously plan, but I'm obviously still here.

 

[darkghost]

Couse i haven't found an quick method that is acessible for me. If i had a shotgun i wouldn't be here anymore.

 

[Lmd]

I already had two failed attempts and the recent one left me side effects so I'm thinking of an alternative while my SN arrives.

 

[lotus11]

Survival instinct is strong, also... I have given my 'cut off point' until age 37 if things don't change or improve by then. I am currently 28. To be honest things this year are particularly bad so I feel ready to go right now, but two stupid sounding things are stopping me

1. I'm 28 and I don't live even numbers, I want to die on an odd number. (29, 13, 33, 35, 37...or 36 would also be ok because that is the same numbers as my birthday 6th march)
2. I don't want to die in my country, I always hated being born here and I don't want to die here as well. With this COVID bullshit, travel is not possible so I will wait until I can die in a place I feel happier....if the soul is a real thing I want to die around an energy more suited my own.

Probably sounds stupid but well!

 

[XYZ]

Couse i haven't found an quick method that is acessible for me. If i had a shotgun i wouldn't be here anymore.

You took the words outta my mouth.