Venting “Why did they do it”

[coolcow1289]

That's the question that people affected by suicide always ask. I think about the "why" in my life and it's not something I could ever put in words. There's not a specific reason. It's everything. It's not like I'm gonna CTB over a bad meal. It's everything that's piled on since the day I was born.

It's like asking the dying camel, on the ground covered in thousands of straws, what broke his back. He can't say "that last straw" or he looks ridiculous. And people will say "I don't understand why his back broke. It was just a straw".

Most will say "Mental illness". Sure. Whatever that is. Just chalk it up to some illness we cannot measure or define. Everyone is desperate to come up with a reason why suicidal people are just crazy and not acting in a sound state of mind. Just get therapy and take SSRIs and it'll go away! Like everyone else does. Sure.

Most people deep down understand the why. It's the reason suicide is so taboo. People get jealous, and then performatively dismissive as a coping mechanism. They DO understand even if they pretend they don't.

I always think back to Norm's joke. "You don't understand suicide? What, do you live in a cotton candy house??"

 

[meowpuppy]

so true.. idk if this is the case for you too but if i had to actually honest to god explain why i killed myself, to my parents, no less, i'd probably have to write a whole book. what am i supposed to do, explain every single systemic factor that influenced my decision?