why do you want to die?

[hungry_ghost]

I'm tired of being a living ghost.

I have never really had any ambition in life to do anything other than sit on my ass, lol.

I have many interests, but nothing that I could feasibly build a career on or profit off of, and to be able to take care oneself in this world, you need to be able to make money.

(I often wonder how academics, researchers, and people who just liked gathering knowledge sustained themselves in antiquity.)

I am trying to change my perspective on life in a few ways, but there is still the nagging notion that nothing will ever change for me - but then see that's the trap; if you believe nothing will ever get better, then it won't, because you're putting that out into the universe.

I know it sounds hokey, but I'm starting to believe that shit.

 

[Nolife62]

Chronic pain, and terminal illness... It'll only get worse

 

[LeavingEarly]

Dissociative identity disorder, major depressive disorder and debilitating PTSD. All selflessly provided to me by the united states army.

I hear veterans have high suicide rate ... So do active duty. Why is this?

It turns out, after filling in the Pegasos form that I have quite a few reasons! They're all small, but it really adds up. I'm just tired of struggles in life. I don't care for the measerly good times that come around, I won't miss them once I'm dead

Did Pegasos accept you? Did you have to submit medical records?

 

[nothingchanges]

Somethings wrong with the way I think and interact with others. I got tested for autism and they said I don't have it but I scored high for schizophrenia-like symptoms. I've settled on schizotypal personality disorder because I've never had any full on hallucinations. I'm super uncomfortable in social situations and very awkward. I have constant and overwhelming anxiety. This has led to the deterioration of pretty much every relationship I've ever had. I basically come across as special needs. On top of that the right side of my jaw is locked and makes it difficult to eat and talk (which lends to the anxiety) but worst of all makes it hard to sing properly bc that's all I've been sticking around for. I love music and am a pretty good singer but I'm apparently cursed to never really be able to pursue the one thing I love. It also hurts really bad and the pain radiates throughout my head and neck. All of that together has made me absolutely miserable. I can barely function but have to get up and act normal so no one freaks out. I'm mid 20s and living at home, have dropped out of college three times and look like a pathetic loser. I've been to multiple doctors for my jaw and multiple psychologists for the other stuff and no one really seems interested in finding out what's wrong or helping me out.

 

[Kbeau]

I'll go first. I have been diagnosed with a severe case of major depressive and I've been hospitalized a few times. I'm never happy. Almost always angry. I always want to be alone. I have no one, and don't want anyone. I'm tired. tired of everything. who would want to exist in this miserable loop of school, dead end 9-5, retire at 60 and die in a nursing home. there's no point. I barely have any motivation for school right now as is. I never chose to be born. I'm glad I'll have some control over when i die. we're all going to die anyway so what difference does it make? at this point living is just prolonging to inevitable. there's no point to anything. Life is meaningless. people die everyday. and soon i'll be joining them.

That about sums it up

 

[Life interrupted]

I don't see any point in existence. Especially when you're suffering from an incurable illness whether physical or psychological.In my case I have a chronic illness and that further convinced me that life is a pointless and chaotic experience that can throw you into endless suffering for no purpose.

 

[jodes2]

I hear veterans have high suicide rate ... So do active duty. Why is this?

Did Pegasos accept you? Did you have to submit medical records?

I haven't applied to Pegasos' assessment yet, but yes I will have to submit medical records

 

[Hope:-)]

I don't. I want to LIVE! But life has become untenable. I really don't want to do it, but in a few days I will probably be making an attempt on my life. I believe in an afterlife so in a sense I am choosing life.x

 

[Lonerzepam]

My whole fucking life is a science experiment

I don't. I want to LIVE! But life has become untenable. I really don't want to do it, but in a few days I will probably be making an attempt on my life. I believe in an afterlife so in a sense I am choosing life.x

Yeah I'm pretty much in the same spot. But who cares when we are dead

 

[Елена]

Because I don't see life to be worth living at all. There is nothing desirable about living, life is just a pointless experience that is just endless suffering and problems all for the sake of it. There was never a need for life to even be a thing in the first place and I see no point to enduring this existence when instead I could be peacefully not existing.

There is no benefit to being alive, as long as we exist things could always get so much worse. Dying would prevent this possibility. All of the pain and cruelty that exists is enough to make me want to leave and I am tired of being trapped in this human body.

I believe that non existence is ideal, free from everything that is wrong with living and I also think that wanting suicide is perfectly rational in a world like this, it is what makes sense. All that humans have to look forward to is old age where they will watch themselves deteriorate. To me this is horrifying and escaping this world is the best thing possible. I will die eventually anyway so I would rather exit at a time of my own choosing.

There! I think so too! What's the point of fucking life???? Struggling, always straining...commitments, earning money for food. What's the point of it all???? I hate life!!!

 

[AUTIST777]

im mentally crippled by lonely childhood and teenage years, severe bullying all throughout school due to autism and mental illness.
+ my addictions are causing me financial problems so I am always living in misery no matter how hard I try

 

[rodie9k]

My reasons are similar to yours. But if I had to whittle it down, I'd say:

1. nothing interests me, in that I have no motivation for anything. I distract myself listening to music or browsing memes, but even that doesn't last
2. I suffer a persistent mixture of pain, sadness, and regret. with distractions I can numb it down temporarily but then they always return with greater intensity

Suffering and mindlessly distracting myself is no way to live, not for me

 

[wanttodie]

sick of life and living

 

[outrider567]

Nothing means anything anymore

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I have nothing else better to do.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Don't want to die. Don't want to live this way.

 

[Hurt]

I have no future. Only frustration and hopelessness. I need to end this ASAP.

 

[Lullaby]

When I was a kid, I wanted to die because I felt truly alone. I couldn't process any of the trauma I had been through and I felt like no one cared. I first attempted when I was 12.


Years later, and I feel my reasons are somewhat of the same but with more trauma tacked on. Life has completely broken me down even more in the 16 years since my first attempt. Back then, I had a little hope that I would eventually win the battle and get to experience all the things I dreamed of.

Now, I'm not so naive anymore, and I'm just tired. Very tired of fighting. Each year, I seem to feel more sad and defeated. Life can be beautiful and great, but only for certain people. After so long, I don't think I'm one of them.

Like you, I just want to have control over something for once and go on my own terms. We deserve that much.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

That's simple. It sucks here. I'm tired. I'm tired of being here. Nothing good is to come for me henceforth in this life. I finished what I needed to do in this life and now I want to bow out gracefully. My work is done here.

 

[Winterreise]

Autism. Life has been a collection of defeats,lost oportunities. I was never really present in this world. I didnt understand the human language. My answers were default and boring. I was immature and annoying. It got worse the harder i tried. It gets in the way of all my needs,my goals and talents. Life has been a witnessing of all this come to nothing. I look just as silly now as before. I cant stand on stage, nor can i relax among people,nor can i be alone. And now age. After all the terrible stuff people have told me. SS never told me to kill myself. SS never told me to "cut my wrists". These encouragements came from a far different source than SS. But insults aren't my worst fear. My biggest fear is to be wrong. To disregard norms and rules. To do wrong what even children get right. Not seeing things i should have seen. Signs.

 

[jane]

chronic illness, past trauma, no real solution. im the problem

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I have no motivation for life.

 

[BaronVon]

I am getting older and health issues are catching up with me now , recently diagnosed with spinal tumours . In all honestly i enjoy life but i always believe in the saying whats the point of living if you do not feel alive .. so it will be bad health will make me decide to take matters into my own hands . i attempted and narrowly failed suicide at aged 15 and i am grateful i survived it and i would positively advise all the younger people i see write on this site who do not have bad health do not give up, i had a poor childhood but i pushed on and had an amazing life with great memories .. and you can do the same .

 

[Pisceslilith]

Life isn't appealing at all and I don't care to live. There is no point. I'm sick of everything and everyone. Even if things got "better" for me personally, I still wouldn't want to stay here. The world is corrupted, most people are insane. I just don't care about this place. Once I get my hands on SN, I'm gone. It gives me relief knowing that I'll finally end it one day and I'll no longer have to deal with any of this bullshit.

 

[ifeelsobad]

im mentally crippled by lonely childhood and teenage years, severe bullying all throughout school due to autism and mental illness.
+ my addictions are causing me financial problems so I am always living in misery no matter how hard I try

Wow you sound just like me

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Severe mental issues caused by long term emotional abuse, disappointment, and total loneliness. Guess the depression history in my family is the cherry on top... I don't need to be a doctor to know that this constant sadness and inexplicable mood swings are not normal. Plus, I'm extremely antisocial, and grew to dislike people very much. I can't fit in. Living seems like a constant discomfort to put it nicely. Maybe i could've been saved some years ago. It's too late for me now. I know what I want and I will achieve it soon, i always worked hard towards my goals, if this means i will achieve eternal peace then so be it.

 

[sad jester]

I've made horrible decisions that have ruined my life beyond repair. Now I just life in a hell that exists before the actual hell if that is even a real thing. I get to experience nothing but rejection, sadness and a lack of self-worth for the remainder of this life. That is not something worth living.

 

[Lost in Time]

I could write a book on this entire subject. And I had planned to...then my computer was stolen, I became homeless and lost everything I worked for. After about a year of homelessness, I found a job. It payed quite well, but dealing with the social dynamics was soul sucking, and eventually I couldn't take it anymore. Now I feel like nobody cares what I say or do, as long as it doesn't fit their description of how I should be and what I say. So I keep quiet and focus on death. My words mean nothing.

 

[AphidAttraction]

My living situation, my dead end job, the fear that I may never achieve my dreams because I'm a high school drop out that no one will want to hire for the kind of work I want to do (writing, cartoonist) I don't consider myself a good looking man, I look younger than my actual age so that only attracts minors/problematic people.

 

[Cantbereal]

Chronic pain, inability to eat more than 500 calories a day, anxiety, more