why do you want to die?

[Anon1337]

Not being able to live a satisfying life, hatred of society.

 

[Reallysad]

Losing the love of my life and my 3 beautiful kids.bring all alone is not fun and having severe depression

 

[A485]

The few good moments in my life pale in comparison to the nearly yearly tragic events and bullshit. I don't enjoy my time here and I have had enough. Sometimes you start out watching a show you really love, with great characters, interesting stories, and a lot of promise. Then you get to season 8 or 9 and the writing gets dumb and stagnant and most of the characters you loved all died or quit the show. Some people would stick it out to the finale because of time invested. I just stop watching. It's like that but with life.

 

[deathissosad]

1. I hold myself responsible for my girlfriends suicide and want to reunite with her. Also cant live with the guilt this brings me day in and day out. (I deserve to die because I wasn't there to save her. It should have been me not her)

2. I dont want to hurt anyone else I love

3. I want to go before my parents to save myself the heartache (selfish but true)

4. I cant do anything right and feel ive failed in life

5. Crippling debt

6. I thought I was an empath but I am just a narcissistic POS

7. I feel I would make a better guardian angel than a person to those I love and who love me

I just really really hope I find my gf in the afterlife. I miss her so very much and think of her every waking minute of the day.

 

[maitreya]

I hate myself to the point where I'm convinced that everyone I know finds me repulsive. I can't stand myself. I am ashamed of everything I feel, think, and do.

 

[outrider567]

1. I hold myself responsible for my girlfriends suicide and want to reunite with her. Also cant live with the guilt this brings me day in and day out. (I deserve to die because I wasn't there to save her. It should have been me not her)

2. I dont want to hurt anyone else I love

3. I want to go before my parents to save myself the heartache (selfish but true)

4. I cant do anything right and feel ive failed in life

5. Crippling debt

6. I thought I was an empath but I am just a narcissistic POS

7. I feel I would make a better guardian angel than a person to those I love and who love me

I just really really hope I find my gf in the afterlife. I miss her so very much and think of her every waking minute of the day.

Yeah, that last sentence really resonates with me, feel exactly the same. my main reason why I need to CTB--The longer she's gone the more I miss her and the emptier my life becomes

 

[Misery99]

Emotional pain, loneliness are the top reasons that I want to die. People betray me most of the time. They only keep in touch with me if they want something from me and abandon me when their needs are met.

 

[Rairii]

PTSD, chronic medical conditions that cause me extreme pain and keep me locked to the bathroom, poor and cant get a job because of mental/physical health. No friends or family and completely unable to form connections with others. family is abusive anyway so its for the best but still sucks having no one who will ever love me like a family should or would. I also seemingly have failed to do anything with my life and everything just seems to get worse and worse. I had so many big dreams as a kid, thinking leaving my abusive environment would make me feel so much better, yet in the end I just ended up feeling worse in new ways.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I'm AMAB and extremely dysphoric. The slightest image of an attractive woman makes me feel hopeless and empty inside. I am extremely envious of those whom have the pretty privilage and freedom to express and be proud of their sexuality. My dysphoria has gotten so bad that I am extremely envious of teenage girls because they got to be AFAB, and will grow up to be women. The male body also repulses me, which is a big factor in wanting to be AFAB. My hobbies no longer give me any happiness and I no longer have any sexual or romantic desire. Life is just useless for me.

I don't actually want to die. I just want to have been able to have my ideal life and body, but since that cannot happen, death will be my choice.

 

[gimzero]

Why i have to live!

 

[GasMonkey]

I don't actually want to die. I just want to have been able to have my ideal life and body, but since that cannot happen, death will be my choice.

Same.

 

[redeyepiranha]

I don't like existing

 

[KlMeNw]

Because hope is just another instrument in the devil's orchestra.

 

[dandan]

Because of broken dreams, which came reality but without me.
Because I had everything and stupid hormones made my life sucked for 20 years and now I just cant get over it.
Because of these negative thinking I have been struggling for 23 years now.
Because I had some economic opportunities to not need to work, but live work-free and screwed up, and I'm so angry!!

 

[autistocracy]

"High-functioning" autism, persistent anorexia nervosa, and the loss of quality of life that come with these things. I also don't want to work for a living tbh. I've hated every single job I've had and I can't imagine doing this for the next forty years.

 

[MovingOn]

It's a long story so I'll just be blunt and keep it short (or not): I'm a smart guy but also tend to have problems with mental illness, which has fucked up my attempts at "recovering" many times.

I've fucked up university twice now, due to mental illness problems, and I cannot have a career or really work for a living. I've never had a friend in my life, as a child or as an adult; I don't think I ever would, even if I kept living until a natural death. I probably have some level of autism, but have never been tested. I've lived "the NEET life" on welfare for many years, but no longer find any value in it. I don't like humans, and humans have overtaken the entire world. There really is nothing out there for me any more, and unfortunately life tends to have more negatives than positives as it is. When there's nothing good to look for, life is really just shit. If I had nembutal I would kill myself and have a great send off with it, right now. Alas, I'm waiting for SN, and then I will have it for whenever I'm ready. Spend some weeks or months listening to music and going over some simple things, and then be on my way most likely.

 

[LonelyEmerald]

I'm lonely. I always have been. I don't think I can catch up in how far I've been left behind in terms of interpersonal intelligence and emotional connection. No matter how much more successful I am in other fields. My mother would also always steal my money. I feel like by now I'd have a lot more money than I do currently. Even if I succeed more financially, I will have to forsake emotional connection. The only non-industry way for people to make money is athletics, and I am not athletic enough for that. So for everyone it's more of a marathon. And what's the point of grinding yourself down in a marathon if you will never have anyone to enjoy the success with?

 

[MovingOn]

I'm lonely. I always have been. I don't think I can catch up in how far I've been left behind in terms of interpersonal intelligence and emotional connection. No matter how much more successful I am in other fields. My mother would also always steal my money. I feel like by now I'd have a lot more money than I do currently. Even if I succeed more financially, I will have to forsake emotional connection. The only non-industry way for people to make money is athletics, and I am not athletic enough for that. So for everyone it's more of a marathon. And what's the point of grinding yourself down in a marathon if you will never have anyone to enjoy the success with?

1. Break all contact with your mother
2. Keep making money since you want it, for yourself
3. Work, hobbies, internet. You will find friends eventually.

You don't have a reason to kill yourself. Hell, if you give me 10% of what you gave your mother, I will be your friend right now. Alternatively, spend the 10% on hobbies and you'll meet people naturally. And you'll catch up easily in a few years unless you have autism, which if you do, I'm certain it's not severe based on your post.

 

[SpiroSundae]

Incompetent parents, BPD, drugs, gender dysphoria, awful hygiene as a result of all of those, impulsive and financially irresponsible. It's just all too much at this point.

 

[LonelyEmerald]

1. Break all contact with your mother
2. Keep making money since you want it, for yourself
3. Work, hobbies, internet. You will find friends eventually.

You don't have a reason to kill yourself. Hell, if you give me 10% of what you gave your mother, I will be your friend right now. Alternatively, spend the 10% on hobbies and you'll meet people naturally. And you'll catch up easily in a few years unless you have autism, which if you do, I'm certain it's not severe based on your post.

my mother isn't a bad person now. however, I do feel like she's still holding me back. her and mom both fell for the single mother bs. now they're stealing years from their offspring because they need more emotional connection that was supposed to come from their husband.

 

[MovingOn]

my mother isn't a bad person now. however, I do feel like she's still holding me back. her and mom both fell for the single mother bs. now they're stealing years from their offspring because they need more emotional connection that was supposed to come from their husband.

My mother is probably and okay person now, but after physically and mentally abusing me throughout my childhood, I would never contact her again. I don't know what your situation is, but the way I see it, it's completely fine and even good to break apart from your parents when you grow up, if they have been shit. Tell her how you see things and if things don't improve, then leave.

I saw your SN thread. I'd still say that in your case, CTB is not really necessary at all. You actually have many options and a lot of freedom, if you decide to take it.

 

[DarknessAtNoon]

Because I am not normal and never will be

 

[Sanctuary]

Schizophrenia, constantly living with voices. Psychosis at the same time.P

The best way that I could describe psychosis is that it feels like purgatory

 

[MatthewV3]

Loneliness and no perspective for future.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Not sure if I answered already... Chronic pain and illness are the main reason. Atm I throw up every day, this has been going on for months and I'm starting to run out. In addition to that, pains and problems in walking... And I have ptsd.

 

[BipolarExpress]

1. Feeling like an outcast and an oddball, mostly for being autistic. I don't even feel like a real person since I tend to write in a "textbook" way, following all the traditional rules. "Real" people talk and write more casually than I do. I have strange aversions to things that are difficult to explain. My brain latches onto topics that dominate my thinking for months and years at a time.
2. Being in crushing debt.
3. Having to go through the wash-rinse-repeat cycle of work until I retire—and that's if I'll ever be able to retire with the student loans hanging around my neck.
4. Loneliness. So many of my friends are married or partnered. I'm not an incel, though; I just haven't tried to date anyone. I don't know if anyone would want to, either.
5. Being estranged from my abusive, extremely anti-LGBTQ parents.
6. Lacking comprehensive support for my disabilities and often having to fend for myself.
7. Feeling overwhelmed by daily life and its responsibilities.
8. Having looping memories of trauma, abuse, rejection, discrimination, and disappointment play over and over again in my head.
9. Feeling unsafe, threatened, and marginalised.
10. Coming back from a manic/psychotic episode in which I thought I had the magical ability to solve all my problems. I haven't been the same since—delusions will do that to you. I thought I had secret riches, was reunited with better versions of my relatives, could wipe out any aversive stimuli I came across,

As @DarknessAtNoon said, "I am not normal and never will be." That describes me perfectly.

 

[May_]

Too much medication. I'm dependent on a number of medications, and the side effect is they make me sleepy. I get up in the morning, am late for work because I cannot get going, work for 8 hours, then come home and go to sleep.

Nothing makes me happy. There's never anything to look forward too.

 

[botch3d]

Covid vaccine wrecked my heart + body (used to kickbox 15 hours a week now walking makes my heart race, autoimmune disease, neuropathies etc etc) Botched broken nose surgery (can't fucking breathe, sleep apnea + loss sense of smell), marijuana abuse among other drugs + inability to take care of myself anymore. Many past failures. A whole year of digging myself in deeper and deeper . Others things I don't even want to list . I've gone fucking mad. Came from a wealthy family could've been anything and I just fucked up … adds to the insanity … want more or is that enough ?

 

[wesv]

Not dealing with schizophrenia for the rest of my life. Not dealing with taking antipsychotics for life. I have no problem killing myself because of this. I'm not dealing with this for the rest of my fucking life. I don't care if I die young.

 

[Wait-Bus]

There was never a period in my life that I didn't think I would not.