I'm not sure what I want to do:
I pretty much fucked up everything around me including my reputation. I got a few friends left, it's gonna affect work someday. I was really just openly suicidal but now I may just end things. Dropped outta school, have a bunch of unwell behaviours to fix. Did not apply myself in uni, failed a bunch of classes.
This was because I'm just generally stressed out about my university, very high intensity. I just got kicked out of my parents, ended up on my own and disowned. These days I just look in the closet, or out the window and either think that I'm going to do one of the two methods. But I would like something just pain-free. Running out of savings, dont feel an interest in work. Got into drugs and shit, the typical!
In high school I just wanted to do nothing but die. I remember I would point the gun at my head in VR, or I would think about hanging myself on a tree. I would get drunk and then get bad ideation. I went through a lot of abuse so it formed me the wrong way, along with people I looked up to dying by suicide during COVID. I think the emotional abuse was fucking me up more than the physical tbh.
However I still feel excited towards some things, like future jobs, or rebuilding my life. I can still find some hope in life, it fluctuates everyday. Do I go forward with the decision to die or do I stay. In high school what stopped me is that I got out of that environment but I learned all the wrong things from it. I feel so broken and irrepairable that it just seems inevitable.
I pretty much fucked up everything around me including my reputation. I got a few friends left, it's gonna affect work someday. I was really just openly suicidal but now I may just end things. Dropped outta school, have a bunch of unwell behaviours to fix. Did not apply myself in uni, failed a bunch of classes.
This was because I'm just generally stressed out about my university, very high intensity. I just got kicked out of my parents, ended up on my own and disowned. These days I just look in the closet, or out the window and either think that I'm going to do one of the two methods. But I would like something just pain-free. Running out of savings, dont feel an interest in work. Got into drugs and shit, the typical!
In high school I just wanted to do nothing but die. I remember I would point the gun at my head in VR, or I would think about hanging myself on a tree. I would get drunk and then get bad ideation. I went through a lot of abuse so it formed me the wrong way, along with people I looked up to dying by suicide during COVID. I think the emotional abuse was fucking me up more than the physical tbh.
However I still feel excited towards some things, like future jobs, or rebuilding my life. I can still find some hope in life, it fluctuates everyday. Do I go forward with the decision to die or do I stay. In high school what stopped me is that I got out of that environment but I learned all the wrong things from it. I feel so broken and irrepairable that it just seems inevitable.
