Why do you want to CTB?

[TheBlackSwordsman]

Agreed. I feel like one could only truly learn if they made minor mistakes that don't have long term or permanent devastating consequences. Like, that's okay. At least then, you'd know better and you wouldn't do them again.

However, if you screw up majorly to the point of no return, then what else is left? I feel like we should have be given a choice to undo these mistakes and have a second go, just like in video games.

If you're a physically healthy person in the 20s (like me), then you have at least 50, or even 60 years to go before your body severely deteriorates like the elderly. Oh, and to add insult to injury, while someone has apparently undone the damage I've inflicted by restoring the deleted Wikipedia article, people won't forget about the fact that I was the one responsible for it. Which makes me think, "Why the hell did I do this again? Goddammit it....." Welp, I've committed career suicide, and the only thing next for me is *actually* committing the real thing.

Nah man u can come back from this. If u have to u can move to another state or.country. not like me, my physical issue is with me forever.

 

[CrushedHopes]

Nah man u can come back from this. If u have to u can move to another state or.country. not like me, my physical issue is with me forever.

If I had considered just switching my career choice and stopped watching anime and playing Japanese games altogether, then sure! Technically, I could just start all over in a different field. But no, that's not what I want. I could never forget about the joys of being involved in voice over production work, whether it's as a voice actor, director or scriptwriter. And even though I had been doing them at a hobbyist level, it was still very fun. Now I won't ever get to do that anymore, not for the rest of my life. That's the kind of pain that I don't want to go through. Lucky people get to do what they love for a very, very long time. I hate the fact that I'm not like them. I just wanna CTB and get it over with already.

 

[hobbydevil]

Agreed. I feel like one could only truly learn if they made minor mistakes that don't have long term or permanent devastating consequences. Like, that's okay. At least then, you'd know better and you wouldn't do them again.

However, if you screw up majorly to the point of no return, then what else is left? I feel like we should have be given a choice to undo these mistakes and have a second go, just like in video games.

If you're a physically healthy person in the 20s (like me), then you have at least 50, or even 60 years to go before your body severely deteriorates like the elderly. Oh, and to add insult to injury, while someone has apparently undone the damage I've inflicted by restoring the deleted Wikipedia article, people won't forget about the fact that I was the one responsible for it. Which makes me think, "Why the hell did I do this again? Goddammit it....." Welp, I've committed career suicide, and the only thing next for me is *actually* committing the real thing.

See, and I've damaged my body to the point of no return, meaning the rest of my life is filled with anxiety over my health deteriorating, more hospital visits, more dependency on medication. I'm only in my early 20s.
I feel like I'm... glitched. This save file is corrupted, unplayable and it's no fun. I want to just end it already.

 

[CrushedHopes]

See, and I've damaged my body to the point of no return, meaning the rest of my life is filled with anxiety over my health deteriorating, more hospital visits, more dependency on medication. I'm only in my early 20s.
I feel like I'm... glitched. This save file is corrupted, unplayable and it's no fun. I want to just end it already.

I'm really sorry to hear that. As for me, while I don't have any physical damages, and could technically start over in another community, I don't want to. There's nothing propelling me forward anymore. My save file's been thoroughly screwed over as well. But hey, once I depart from this mortal realm, none of it would matter anymore. So, I'm looking forward to that in 2 weeks' time.

 

[DoNotLet2]

my asperger's syndrome ruins my life everybody I know hates me! and if someone doesn't hate me they will start to. I just want some friends that would like me! I can't...

 

[AgonyOnMe]

I want to CTB because I'm a piece of crap. I go out into the world everyday and see how "together" everyone else's life is and I realize what a failure I am. I can only imagine what they think of me. I just want to do disappear so I don't have to face people. Only way to do that is to CTB but of course I'm still here because I'm a failure at everything I do. I can't even do that.

 

[medicore]

It all generally boils down to me being tired of all the bullshit that the human race puts us through. I despise the systematic flaws in society that we've come to accept as 'normal' and even 'beautiful'.
The first thing I came to hate was the fact that unhappy, incompetent, and emotionally/economically unstable couples having children with the thought of us keeping them warm when they grow old. Which, you know, wouldn't be so bad and would stand as just a shitty end goal if they actually put in the effort to raise us in a manner that wouldn't have left us crooked, undeveloped, unambitious, untrained and most of all, unhappy. It happens to most people, to the point where it's rare to have "good" parents these days. If you need even a few pushes as a kid, you're most likely fucked for life.
Other than that, I'm seriously angry at the fact that everyone living it up in their happy ass lives don't ever bother to consider the 16% of people who can't work due to intellectual impairment, the 5% of people with ASD, the 1% of people with miscellaneous genetic disorders, and so on. I don't understand nor like the fact that everyone continues to let genetic trash breed more suffering. Well actually, yes, I do understand that fact- It's because everyone cares more about them not being able to rub their genitals on other people than they do about hundreds of thousands being bred into genetic death sentences. Which, y'know, if you're selfish that's understandable- If you're middle-of-the-pack, which most people are, your potential kids and your genes will eventually be obsolete and sentenced to mental death, and god forbid you have to give up plowing your unhappy marriage away for the sake of everyone's sanity. If the government can't keep their castrations to the speds, then they should just not do it at all! And now here we are. =)
Oh, and don't forget that a benevolent government like that would never exist. Castrating people? Are you kidding? Think of the assets we'll lose! Lmao.. People are put in psych wards for attempting to "commit" suicide until their insurance money gets sucked dry and they can no longer provide anything of value to any kind of industry. Only then will they be thrown onto the streets for them to jump in front of a train whenever they'd like! Fucking disgusting.
We're being used. This entire life has consisted of me being brought into situations I never consented to because someone wanted to use me for something.
I was born. Why? Because my parents wanted a kid. Not a son, but a kid. But also, they wanted retirement funds.
I was made to go to school and excel. Why? Because the good ol' gov't needs everyone above the 90th percentile to develop marketable, easily industrialized skills.
I'm being made to work. Why? Because I "need" to pay my taxes eventually, so that I can be used for federal actions that I never asked to be put into place.
I was locked up for almost 'committing' the crime of suicide. Why? Because what I tried to do against myself was vandalism. I'm government property, after all.
Haha. I'm sick and tired of this species and I hope it burns up and dies in the next century. My only goal right now is to look for a painless way out. I'm not under white-hot suffering, so I have time..

 

[CrushedHopes]

My only goal right now is to look for a painless way out. I'm not under white-hot suffering, so I have time..

Sorry to hear that. What would be your method? SN's pretty painless compared to most CTB methods.

 

[medicore]

Sorry to hear that. What would be your method? SN's pretty painless compared to most CTB methods.

I haven't done too much research on SN because it's unavailable to me, and will continue to be until it isn't (hope you know what I mean).
As of now, I'm trying to find a good time to try hanging, but my house is essentially baby-proofed. I've tried once and it was nearly impossible with what I tried. Now, it's hidden away. I'm not here for much longer, anyways, though- I'm quite confident in my ability to produce economic assets for myself later on. All I need is roughly a grand. Then, I believe I'll most likely go with gas, or SN, depending on what seems to be the most reliable at that point in time (consider legal bans and changes in the market and etc)

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Humiliation is abig one, aint

Because my life's been ruined online, and my real name's been doxed. I can't live through the humiliation any longer. I'm done with this crap. I had it coming, but it still irritates me, nonetheless.

Humiliation is a big one no doubt... I feel you on this... a major CTB reason..

 

[Hadenuf]

In going to lie on a beach in the cold near the water just before high tide after taking 6 or 7 mg lorazepam and maybe a drink so I hope hypothermia will do the rest

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

I am glad that I am not the only one that uses games as an analogy for life. It's too bad for us that we don't get to reload to the last good save point (heck, for some of us, starting over from the very beginning at birth sounds like a fantastic option). I feel like if we were truly given a choice in the matter, then we wouldn't be wallowing in agony anymore. It's just too cruel. If we screw up on a game, it's not like we can't see the consequences. We can. So we reload and start over. So why can't the same be applied to real life? It's not fair.

Yes. I feel like a level one character who hasn't beaten the boss on the first level for 40 years, and almost all my friends are leveled up in the 40, 50 levels and beyond.... Im too humiliated to "keep trying" . Game Over.

 

[Didymus]

Financial issues / Bankrupt... and shame about that

Same here, 52 years, financial problems, company almost bankrupt and serious health issues. Will become homeless very soon and I feel I won't survive that.
I have SN, not scared to use it but more scared of failure and what to do next.

 

[MissNietzsche]

There is no objective meaning to life.

Also, subjectively, I'm fat and ugly, and I'm tired of living with my eating disorder. And I'm incredibly lonely and have no one to connect to or talk to on a daily basis.

 

[Gettingtothepointjes]

Childhood abuse.

Me too :(

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Too many mistakes and wasted opportunities which caused me to miss out on teenage experience.
Guilt and regret over what could have been.
Feeling unsafe in general.

 

[MissNietzsche]

Too many mistakes and wasted opportunities which caused me to miss out on teenage experience.
Guilt and regret over what could have been.
Feeling unsafe in general.

how old are you?

 

[ObsessiveCompulsive]

Years of torment since I was born.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

how old are you?

Soon I'll be 20.

 

[Moonicide]

I've lived in such abusive / controlling circumstances that my growth has been stunted. Add multiple mental illnesses and physical ailments along to the cocktail and you have me, who is completely broken and hollow. I can't do basic things or go out in public unless it's to my appointments. Every time I see the opposite sex in public, I freak out and try to hide. Because I'm afraid they're going to hurt me like my father did, even though I know how irrational that is. I try to remind myself I'm safe and they are not my father, but I still struggle so badly with it. I order everything online. I lack social skills, except for communicating on the internet. I have trouble pronouncing words, can't focus for too long. My medication has messed with my memory even further so I'll forget things, misplace things, etc. I'm not smart and people look at me like I'm some sort of alien when I try to ask questions to understand and educate myself.

I'm just done.

 

[Hangm4n]

The good old "how do we know we exist?". People just assume we exist, well, i say we don't. And if we do, there's no hope for this world and the human race anymore, the world needs a reset button, but that definetly won't happen anytime soon. Also, i study psychology and philosophy, and through the years i have learn about the human behavior pretty deeply, it's disgusting.
A basic insight (if anyone is curious): Human is selfish by nature, all we do is for ourselves, we can say we hope the best for someone, but we really want that so that they can keep giving us joy, good moments and other benefits that the relationship gives, and so we can feel good about ourselves for being a "good" person.
(ofc this is basic and subjective, but it gives the general idea).

Wow that's so accurate. Never thought of it like that but I agree that we as humans are selfish as fuck. I don't consider us to exist because when we die we don't know that everything else carries on. If for instance we are all one then if one dies could everything cease to exist until another consciousness of the simulation is entered which creates a whole world around it. I want to ctb purely because I didnt ask to be alive. I want to be nothing and feel nothing. It's all I've ever wanted

 

[ObsessiveCompulsive]

I've lived in such abusive / controlling circumstances that my growth has been stunted. Add multiple mental illnesses and physical ailments along to the cocktail and you have me, who is completely broken and hollow. I can't do basic things or go out in public unless it's to my appointments. Every time I see the opposite sex in public, I freak out and try to hide. Because I'm afraid they're going to hurt me like my father did, even though I know how irrational that is. I try to remind myself I'm safe and they are not my father, but I still struggle so badly with it. I order everything online. I lack social skills, except for communicating on the internet. I have trouble pronouncing words, can't focus for too long. My medication has messed with my memory even further so I'll forget things, misplace things, etc. I'm not smart and people look at me like I'm some sort of alien when I try to ask questions to understand and educate myself.

I'm just done.

Reading your post was like reading myself, we have the same set of symptoms

If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me anytime.

 

[Miserable]

I'll never be who I want to be and I'll always be alone

 

[maka]

I really don't want to rake the yard tomorrow.

Of course it's much deeper than that, but this is the main reason I've chosen to do it so soon rather than in the future.

 

[Green bike dude]

because i hate myself so much :)

 

[snorli]

Because I hate myself and my body and my status as a "psychiatric patient". Because I grew up privileged with so much chances and I burnt them all due to my own stupidity.

 

[V0latile]

To be free of the manipulation of others

 

[Read123456788]

My husband passed away suddenly this year so I just want to join him again now either in eternal life or eternal nothingness in the ground. I can't wait quite honestly !

 

[Marz]

Unfortunately I was born Venezuelan, so my life was flipped upside down in the crisis. I did not get to enjoy my teens. I have loads of trauma from those years.
Alongside that, my parents abused and neglected me for as long as I remember. I now have cPTSD as result. I also have learning disabilities that were never diagnosed thus I struggled in school to no end and my parents never noticed. My father was always too drunk and the only times he'd notice was when my grades arrived and he'd beat me up or kick me out of the house and he had kicked out mother when I was 10 so I had no other support basically.
I dropped out of college for being unable to study or organize myself, also related to the learning disabilities I'm realizing, and I did not fit in, being an 18 year old immigrant with no friends and barely any family. I've had depression and anxiety since I was 10, and my first attempt was at 13, because of my father's abuse mainly.
Also our financial situation is deplorable for the reasons stated beforehand and I have been unable to find a proper job because of my unstable emotions and mental health, and I realistically cannot get the therapy I need (EMDR). I'd need to wait two years more for it . Even then my executive dysfunction is so bad I'll probably never do anything in life. I have no drive nor will. What keeps me going most days is the prospect of getting drunk.
I wasn't made for all of this survival shit. I'm done.

 

[akina]

1st my middle sister. She has a borderline personality disorder and I'm the reason why she's fuckt up. She told me several times that I should die and it would be better if I wouldn't excist. I always get that since the last ten years. I have to fight with depression, anxiety and eating disorder for years. I'm just sick of everything. This year I was in a psychiatric hospital because of a mental breakdown , self harm and suicidal thoughts. I felt lost. I met a guy there and I felt in love. I felt saved. But of course he was taken. He was like an addiction for me. Sounds strange .... Now I know that I can never be with him. That's so much pain. That I'll never be good enough for anyone. My sister burnt all her photos in my room and she locked the door. She don't want to speak with me. I only get painful messages from her with accusations what a bad person I am and everything I did wrong. My grandfather died from cancer last month. He didn't deserved it. I want to ctb so much but it's not working....I just want to find piece. It's too much for me...