why don’t you want to change?

[starboy2k]

title

give your most honest answer too…..hell give the answer you would be too scared or unbothered to give a normie, a psychiatrist/therapist, hell even yourself.

this is your safe space to talk your shit and understand yourself/why you may want to CTB.

 

[Canto XIII]

It's no secret. I want to change the same way I want to grow wings and be able to fly. I'd want to but it's simply not who I am. Every time I've tried I failed miserably and found myself lower than I used to be before. That's also the reason or one of reasons why I stopped going to therapy.

I don't think it's the same for everyone though.

 

[starboy2k]

It's no secret. I want to change the same way I want to grow wings and be able to fly. I'd want to but it's simply not who I am. Every time I've tried I failed miserably and found myself lower than I used to be before. That's also the reason or one of reasons why I stopped going to therapy.

I don't think it's the same for everyone though.

yea its not the same for everybody at all……
but survivorship bias propaganda would beg to differ if it means keeping you living a life you know no longer serves you.
respect

 

[jaysthreecents]

Death is too inviting. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing I can still die later. But at the same time, the increased suffering adds more desire to end it all.

It's unfair that we treat a living life as objectively better than a dead one, yet have biases against certain figures like murderers, rapists, etc. It shows how our relationship with life and death is deeply emotional, therefore not rational. Death is as necessary as Life. Our attachment is everything. But what happens when you become attached to non-existence or death? It's truly a privilege to not wish for death, to view life as something worthwhile. I suspect more people would take an exit if they had the means and resources, as well as a developed understanding of their values.

It's not that I don't value Life at all, I just value consciousness to where I believe subjecting it to the pain and suffering of humanity should be considered "elective torture". I would want the same resources and emphasis we put on providing a healthy birth and upbringing, and apply the same care towards supplying someone with the means to end their life safely. Humans have justified perseverance by attaching it to positive potentials. We all love a story of triumph, defying the odds. The problem is that this isn't a game. This is a society predicated on denying your autonomy, by injecting you into a world that only values those who subscribe to specific ideologies. A world that had created your life, without accepting accountability for playing God.

It's odd that we refuse and discredit someone who decides to take their life, which parallels with how we never let them choose life to begin with, while they deflect any responsibility. It truly emphasizes how separated we are as a species. And only with power in money or numbers can you make an impact. But those aren't driven by logic or reason. They are driven by an economy and social system that abandons the notion of humility. We act as if we are the judge, jury and executioner of human value. We decide who deserves what.


This absolutely disgusting behavior gives me little interest in continuing to interact with this world. The "life" that I can live is not something I enjoy; it is simple something I endure out of sheer momentum. I'm just waiting for something to push me over the edge I'm riding along.

 

[Canto XIII]

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing I can still die later.

"Sans l'idée du suicide, je me serais tué depuis toujours." (Cioran)

 

[hurts2b]

I don't know. I don't know and it kills me. I have all the reasons in the world to get better. Hell, sometimes I even take the same actions that someone in recovery would. But I still want to die. I never stop wanting to die.

 

[Aflame5926]

i just can't be arsed to do it. the problem is with my battery. it not recharging anymore.
im using willpower as a subtiute. so even that will ran out in.

everything cost energy. trying all solution isnt good solution and they refuse to think of a decent solution instead of blindfiring solution that are shit

 

[barryberkman]

I've wanted to change my entire life, to be someone I can be proud of and someone those I love can be proud of, but I've always failed. Therapy and medication haven't helped, and even when things are rarely good, I feel as if I'm undeserving or that something bad should happen. Someone important to me told me I was a bitch and that I would never stand up for shit, and I couldn't even disagree. I feel so pathetic and undeserving of anything that I just found comfort in that misery after a while. I tell myself I can't change because it's the way I'm wired, but deep down, I don't even try anymore. I'm a fucking coward lol.

 

[hughmun9]

It's not that I don't want to change, it's that I feel unable to. Or at least I felt that way until recently. I think I'll give it another go.

I won't lie though, dying, especially if you have access to a method like SN or N feels so tempting. Like the ultimate chance to relax and let it all go. But I'm willing to fight again for now.