Discussion Why do you want to ctb?

[ijustwishtodie]

I know there are various reasons in why somebody would want to kill themselves. So, out of curiosity, what's your reason to want to CTB?

 

[roguetrader]

Deteriorating finances combined with aging!

 

[Kit1]

Mainly to escape the flashbacks and nightmares from a traumatic childhood.

 

[FuneralCry]

Because I'd prefer to eternally cease existing than to be trapped in this futile and harmful reality. All that feels desirable to me is eternal nothingness and all that feels rational is to permanently prevent all future suffering by death.

To have the ability to exist is such a hellish imposistion and death is the only relief, it comforts me to think of existence no longer being my problem and no longer having to deal with it. I don't see any value in prolonging suffering as much as possible, I see it as better that existence is all forgotten about.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Failure in life, existential fear / crisis, arising financial problems.

 

[2fargone]

I have no reason to believe that I would want to live anytime in the future. Everytime I talk to people my age or younger I realize how fucking stupid people are getting. The Internet is literally rotting their brains and they're too dumb and ambivalent to do anything about it. I would try to convince more people to get their heads out of their asses but I don't have the patience. Also, I've exhausted all of my options to recover.

 

[ceriseange♡]

overwhelming anxiety, mental/emotional/financial instability, lack of social skills & social connections, things of that degree.
I just feel like no matter how bad I try I'm just not equip to survive and thrive the way other people can and im just so tired of struggling

 

[alexx_m]

Nothing ever satisfies me or makes me happy. No matter what I achieve it is never enough. I live an empty existence full of struggle just chasing after a new thing hoping it will be the one that makes me happy. Every negative emotions feels extra strong, so I constantly stew in anger, sadness or anxiety. That and also lacking the ability to care for others. What is the point to struggle when nothing brings joy?

 

[outrider567]

Extreme personal loss--The saddest thing in life is when the person that you had the best shared memories of your life, becomes just a memory themselves--I've lived thru heaven and hell here on earth, nothing awaits me after my death, but at my age, the prospect of oblivion can be seen as a welcome reprieve

 

[movinout17]

Mental illness, self loathing, timid and passive personality, anxiety and social anxiety, lack of social skills and connections, lack of interests, past guilt and shame, and brain doesn't work well.

If only one of these were not part of me, I would have so much more faith in life.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Mental illness, self loathing, timid and passive personality, anxiety and social anxiety, lack of social skills and connections, lack of interests, past guilt and shame, and brain doesn't work well.

If only one of these were not part of me, I would have so much more faith in life.

This is all me.. well aside from the self loathing. If I indulged in self loathing, I wouldn't have suicidal ideation as I'd instead conclude that I should live to intentionally make myself suffer due to how much I hate myself. But it isn't like that as I genuinely believe that I deserve my peace. Still, everything else describes me perfectly

 

[darknesscomesquick]

I don't even know where to start…severe repeated childhood trauma, many hospitalizations, treatments for depression that didn't work, flashbacks, intrusions, dissociations, DID, special needs parenting…should I continue? I've been doing DBT for a while and I can't seem to figure out what this "life worth living" is and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. At some point, you just get too tired and want to stop. That's where I'm at.

 

[cripplingthoughts44]

Because it's been a long illness of decades with so much trauma built up that I'm not able to deal with.

 

[F@#$]

Nothing ever satisfies me or makes me happy. No matter what I achieve it is never enough. I live an empty existence full of struggle just chasing after a new thing hoping it will be the one that makes me happy. Every negative emotions feels extra strong, so I constantly stew in anger, sadness or anxiety. That and also lacking the ability to care for others. What is the point to struggle when nothing brings joy?

I couldn't have said it better.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Why do I want to CTB? Because CPTSD and trauma have left me utterly paralyzed and incapable of moving on. Because I'm not good enough for what I want. Because for the past decade I've done nothing but live on borrowed time, thinking I'd already be dead by now, so why bother. I wish I wasn't me. I fucking suck. I have a hard time showing my vulnerable side because I'm scared someone will manipulate and hurt me. I've turned into an emotional hedgehog. I wish I was competent. I wish I could do what I want to do. I'm mentally a child. I'm nothing that anyone should be subjected to dealing with. I'm like Old Yeller. Someone needs to put me out of misery. No one should have to deal with me. I'm a lost cause

 

[ddn.ctb]

I am past my "best before" date

 

[Neogoloid]

Being a low IQ ugly short male in society is unbearable and not worth it. Also I was born into a broke family.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

social alienation, loneliness, anhedonia, lack of meaning, difficulty to do basic tasks, indifference, no goal neither dreams, bad memory and severe trouble to focus wich handicaps me, tortured mind.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

social alienation, loneliness, anhedonia, lack of meaning, difficulty to do basic tasks, indifference, no goal neither dreams, bad memory and severe trouble to focus wich handicaps me, tortured mind.

I struggle with all of this too and it really hurts. I just wish i wasn't like this and that you arent either. My condolences for going through all of that..

 

[Manfrotto99]

In a nut shell....Financial struggles and stress, possible homelessness, having a life of knowing nothing but constant losses and failure. Missing a life that most people simply take for granted, that I was robbed of and never got to enjoy and experience... the husband, marriage, family, home, children. No one ever having wanted me. Constant abuse, put downs and threats from a narcissistic father and golden child sister, who like to remind me that Im a useless failure. Always trying my hardest but never being good enough and my efforts always resulting in more loss, rejection and insurmountable obstacles that seem to come at me out of nowhere. Being constantly reminded by society that I am a complete and utter failure as a woman and human being, but always being expected to put on a smile and be happy for others good fortunes...or otherwise being told I deserve all the bad luck I get, or it's because I'm cursed, I'm lazy, don't try hard enough etc etc. I'm so tierd, exhausted and want out of here!

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I struggle with all of this too and it really hurts. I just wish i wasn't like this and that you arent either. My condolences for going through all of that..

Thank you for your reply
It suprise me that you're struggle with the same issues as i do.
I don't wish anyone to go throught all of that.
I would also like you not to experience these!
Feel free to DM if you feel it.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Thank you for your reply
It suprise me that you're struggle with the same issues as i do.
I don't wish anyone to go throught all of that.
I would also like you not to experience these!
Feel free to DM if you feel it.

Thanks for offering to dm. Despite the offer being nice, I think I'll have to pass due to my awful personality

 

[Quiet_Cricket]

Depression, anxiety, self hatred

 

[livinginhellnation]

Because life is pointless.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Because life is pointless.

Utterly so, all of this, this competition for life to exist for decades with the grand-prize being absolutely nothing.

 

[imrantahir1208]

Overweight, anxiety, depression, divorce, financial instability… seems to be an only source of relief

 

[livinginhellnation]

Utterly so, all of this, this competition for life to exist for decades with the grand-prize being absolutely nothing.

The sole purpose of life is to ensure the survival of our species. But on a personal level totally pointless.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

The sole purpose of life is to ensure the survival of our species. But on a personal level totally pointless.

Yeah but beyond that, it is pointless.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Because I'm in pain and fail at life

 

[dying_inside]

Deteriorating finances combined with aging!

Hello, I am only new here but I thought I might be able to help! If you aren't interested I fully understand! Good Luck!