Discussion What are the reasons you haven't CTB

[CatLvr]

My pets. If I'm gone there is no one who will care for them.

And just recently the husband got a diagnosis that is gonna mean a long, slow, debilitating decline for him. He's already terrible about taking care of anything and everything. If I'm not hear to deal with shit, he will sit in this house and just die. I swear if it ain't one thing, it's a bunch of others.

 

[PedroDeath88]

I'm looking for a peaceful way to die but I haven't found one yet. I've seen good comments about N but I don't know if I'll be able to find it yet. I hope so.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

My mom and cat, I'd feel terrible for leaving them behind. Additionally, I'm currently going through college and my goal upon completion is to get a job in the field I'm studying for or something different if I begin to hate that field due to college. I just want a comfortable office job, nice apartment and later home, and a family. I may never get any of those things but currently, that flame and yearning for that hasn't been completely extinguished, so I continue to live for now. After college, I guess I'll see what happens, and hopefully if it's terrible, SN is still readily available. If not, I'll have to choose less ideal means.

 

[Gstreater]

My mom and cat, I'd feel terrible for leaving them behind. Additionally, I'm currently going through college and my goal upon completion is to get a job in the field I'm studying for or something different if I begin to hate that field due to college. I just want a comfortable office job, nice apartment and later home, and a family. I may never get any of those things but currently, that flame and yearning for that hasn't been completely extinguished, so I continue to live for now. After college, I guess I'll see what happens, and hopefully if it's terrible, SN is still readily available. If not, I'll have to choose less ideal means.

If that feeling hasn't been snuffed out that's a good thing. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

If that feeling hasn't been snuffed out that's a good thing. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

Thank you, I genuinely appreciate that. I also hope your situation improves

 

[CatLvr]

My mom and cat, I'd feel terrible for leaving them behind. Additionally, I'm currently going through college and my goal upon completion is to get a job in the field I'm studying for or something different if I begin to hate that field due to college. I just want a comfortable office job, nice apartment and later home, and a family. I may never get any of those things but currently, that flame and yearning for that hasn't been completely extinguished, so I continue to live for now. After college, I guess I'll see what happens, and hopefully if it's terrible, SN is still readily available. If not, I'll have to choose less ideal means.

It's interesting, isn't it how our connection to others (even if it is "just" a pet -- anyone who has and understands their pet(s) realizes they are anything other than a "just" in your life) is enough to give you that one little sliver of good in a whole shitpile of bad. And that one connection is enough. I wish they would allow more people to have a service animal for more than the few psychiatric disorders they allow now. In fact, I'm not really sure if any are actually legally allowed now or not. All I know is my pets are better at helping me handle my depression, mood swings and CPTSD than any dozen people altogether have been.

 

[remote toothbrush]

i'm not really able to purchase a shotgun yet, legally or illegally, that's the only reason. Once I am finally able to do that, that's when I can do that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I want to wait for my Dad to go first. Plus, I'm sure following that, that fear of failing the attempt, fear of the process of death, slight concern of what might come after will no doubt hold me back.

It has actually been discussed a fair bit though- if I remember. Not to have a dig at you. But yeah, probably the three questions that come up all the time: 'Why do you want to suicide? Why haven't you yet? What do you think comes after?'

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Survival instinct, massive consequences if I fail, too scared to attempt a brutal method such as drowning, being spied on by parents as well as being unable to leave on my own and the fact that suicide requires a lot of effort whereas I'm the type of person to put in as little effort as possible. I follow the path of least resistance and that path isn't suicide but rather being as lazy as possible

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Fear of failure and remaining alive but with more brain damage or more disability

I don't have at least one method that I'm 99% confident will work

I could have had a 99% method plan ready to go if I would've worked on it for hours every day. But it's very difficult for me to do the simplest thing like declutter. But I need to do it for many reasons

 

[ham and potatoes]

The only reason I haven't done it yet is because I don't want to put my parents or brother through that. we are close , and I think that would kill them

 

[HereIGoAgain24]

Because I am a single dad with a 15 year old son and he has nobody in the world but me.

That's legitimately heartwarming. You're a better person than me.

For my own part, the main reason I haven't CTB is because I haven't been able to find a reliable source for SN or N. Most of the other methods are far too likely to either fail and/or lead to an immense amount of pain. Best case scenario I can think of at this point is that I just start behaving self-destructively enough (a la Leaving Las Vegas) to pickle over one day.

...and honestly? The fact that I have a full-time job makes me kinda reluctant. It's weird how I'm like, 'I can't die, I have to get to work'.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

It's interesting, isn't it how our connection to others (even if it is "just" a pet -- anyone who has and understands their pet(s) realizes they are anything other than a "just" in your life) is enough to give you that one little sliver of good in a whole shitpile of bad. And that one connection is enough. I wish they would allow more people to have a service animal for more than the few psychiatric disorders they allow now. In fact, I'm not really sure if any are actually legally allowed now or not. All I know is my pets are better at helping me handle my depression, mood swings and CPTSD than any dozen people altogether have been.

Same here! I recently took a sort of business trip, I suppose you could call it, which required me to be away for a business week (mon-fri). I never realized before then how much I would miss my cat until then. I kept looking at photos of her and despite everything I could have missed at home, she was easily at the top of the list. She helps so much when I'm having a rough time and she knows when I'm having a rough time. Every time, she either lays next to me or directly on me. If I'm crying, she'll purr really loud which sometimes genuinely helps, though I don't know how.

 

[ayanti]

Of failure or permanent damage. Also, just too many responsibilities and fear of being a disappointment; when I CTB I want make sure I never wake up as to not disappoint my loved ones.

 

[Danby]

My daughters, especially my youngest. And who would take care of my chickens? And I still foolishly cling to hope that things will get better . . .

 

[Ironborn]

Spent 20 years hoarding as much money as I could, always working never enjoying it.
Well I'm enjoying it now, once it's gone I'm not going back into the rat race.

 

[purpleuser]

I'm still holding out hope that things will work out and I'll be able to live a normal life. Fortunately, I can continue to be patient and wait for the end. Maybe this patience will last a long time =)

 

[singingcrow]

N is unavailable and SN is not pleasant and everything else I'm too much of a bitch for.

why is SN not pleasant? and what makes N better ?

 

[Moniker]

It's a bit embarassing to admit, but I'm scared. There's an itch in the back of my mind making me wonder if things could be different. A lot of my problems might be solved if I put forth more effort, but I don't know if I should bother. And I know when I'm driving to the gun store, buying the gun, driving back home with it, and getting ready to end things, that nugget of doubt will intensify more and more.

 

[Davey40210]

For me its pure SI. I can't seem to stay down and in the noose, the moment my vision starts to black out I get up and slowly get back to the world.. but I've only been at it seriously for a couple days and only tried partial hanging so far. I think full suspension hanging will work as a last resort.

 

[GeoLavender23]

Scared of failing, not knowing how to do it properly

 

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Four little dogs that depend on me. They saved me (for now) in a way. Once they pass I will be out of here.

 

[tenshi天神]

my mom mentally cannot take it. i dont want to destroy her life. staying patient ✧ദ്ദി( ˶^ᗜ^˶ )

 

[losingsteam3141]

My parents, theyre the only one who have unconditionally loved and supported me. But with the situation Im in, I dont know if I can hold on much longer...

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Flip flopping on methods. Have everything for SN , I just question how peaceful it is.

 

[Sat]

Something is preventing me to fully go through. My method of choice is strangling/hanging myself with a belt because I feel so mad to myself I want to kill it myself (if this makes sense) but for some reason, there's something saying to me that it's there for me. I might've developed schizophrenia..

 

[Trav1989]

The SN I received in the mail wasn't what I ordered despite being labelled as such (without the a) and didn't work for obvious reasons so I'm still here.

 

[Evelyn Lane]

I don't have the source, I am sorry. I wish I still had access to it, but the post containing medical case studies was deleted earlier this year. So you can take what I've said with a grain of salt if you want to. But in the pdf I remember they had a bunch of cadavers who died from both partial and full suspension, and they cut open their necks and examined the arteries, and you could see tears in the carotids. They also showed hematomas in the strap muscles (I believe??) and the sternocleidomastoid. It was basically just big globs of blood that poured out, presumably from the pressure and pulling on the muscles from the noose causing them to tear open. You can see the muscles of the neck here https://anatomy.app/article/muscles-of-the-neck/superficial-neck-muscles

But keep in mind, this is only a concern if you somehow fail a genuine attempt. I just don't like the idea of causing myself that damage even if I'll never feel it or have to deal with it.

How long after death have their necks been cut open?

Also, I hear that muscles becomes less strong when you die (for example, how you need only 5 kg on weight to compress the carotids on a dead neck), do you think this is a factor on why this happened? I mean, why the muscles rip and the carotids tear?
I'm not sure whether or not the carotids become less strong too after you die (less resistant, should I say?).
I'm very tired, hope this reply makes sense, if not, let me know.

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

How long after death have their necks been cut open?

That I do not know, I do not believe it was mentioned.

Also, I hear that muscles becomes less strong when you die (for example, how you need only 5 kg on weight to compress the carotids on a dead neck), do you think this is a factor on why this happened? I mean, why the muscles rip and the carotids tear?
I'm not sure whether or not the carotids become less strong too after you die (less resistant, should I say?).
I'm very tired, hope this reply makes sense, if not, let me know.

They actually did an in-depth analysis of all the different possible injuries and compared cadaver weight, noose type (if i remember correctly), how long they were suspended before they were found, how high up they were suspended, did they jump or not, the whole 9 yards. I really wish I had it still because it would be a very informative read for you. Honestly, that whole post was great since it had other studies that analyzed hangings. I wonder how it got deleted since, to my knowledge, we can't delete posts unless a mod removes it.

As for the muscles, if you're aware of the death process of hanging, you lose muscle tone around 2-4 minutes in (iirc). Which only further pressures your carotids, and presumably pulls on your muscles harder. Perhaps muscle and artery tears are only a concern once you've reached this point. But I also seem to recall another study that also covered individuals who were saved before death, and the possibility of developing an aneurysm in your carotid increased; to the point of it being an actual risk for survival post-attempt. But again, I do not have this study either, and my memory is not the best so I would advise you to also take this with a grain of salt.

Fuck, I really wish I could just drop some links and let you research for yourself. I checked out these studies like 8-10 months ago and my brain is scraping for this knowledge like a rusty hard drive lol. so, sorry about that.

 

[TakeMeToHeaven]

i'm afraid of the pain