Discussion Why do you still live?

[Brink]

Fucking terrified of what might come next... subjective continuity or alt-reality. I feel like we live in an age of potential human interference in consciousness, and tbh I'm afraid it's already happening.

It doesn't sound like these concerns are any you should have, though. Crazy shit has led me here.

Having relationships with people and experiencing love is amazing and worth so much; that's why I'm sceptical of anti-natalism etc. I hope you get to experience that one day @lunargreenx x

 

[Tiredofhurting]

My kids

 

[Hybrid]

Rope scares me, and i don't have a shotgun.

 

[noname223]

I had no access to SN when I was at my lowest.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I'm ready to leave, but I don't trust the bus driver.

 

[booray]

I'm ready to leave, but I don't trust the bus driver.

Where do you think he's going to take you to?

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Where do you think he's going to take you to?

Not to the final station.

 

[FreeAngel]

I'm still alive because I was so stupid and called an ambulance last year.

 

[Some1's_Wasted_Fetus]

Don't have access to my immediate preferred methods without suspicion. Didn't buy SN when I had the chance . Waiting on the materials to arrive to use a very time consuming, complex method since it's all I'm left with and I can't do hanging

 

[lunargreenx]

I haven't had the ultimate reason yet.
I've also been depressed (since 8-9 years old) and suicidal for so long I have fully gotten used to it, like it barely bothers me anymore.
Plus, I have some hope left. I have a chance to start a new life once I finish university and finally move out of my parent's house. Then I am free. If my life won't get better I can still ctb.

Oh my... aren't we the same people?

I've been also depressed since very young age, although I didn't realize it at the time because I thought that every parent beats their child. As Marguerite Duras put it: "Very early in my life I realized it was too late"

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

-New Pokémon Snap
-Pokémon Brilliant Diamond/Shining Pearl
-Pokémon Legends: Arceus
-Jurassic World: Dominion
-Marvel's future movies and tv shows, especially What If?
-Future episodes of South Park Rick and Morty
-The Flash movie (if that ever comes out)
-Sonic movie 2
-30th anniversary Sonic game
-Any potential future Fire Emblem or Kirby game
-maybe I'll meet the love of my life I've always wanted and we'll live happily ever after

All of these will hopefully be wrapped up in 2022, which is when I plan to leave.

 

[DonTellMeToStayAlive]

There's this poem by Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
I don't know how to explain myself better than she did.

 

[Celerity]

Got shit to do. I have to complete some things before I can "earn" my suicide. Who really knows though? I might be completely full of shit and may never die of suicide. Fucking survival instinct.

 

[WornOutLife]

Because I don't have the guts to ctb and I actually experience some happy moments in life such as getting drunk, playing with my dog, talking to my dad, gaming, etc.
However, I know my DOWNS are stronger than my UPS and I might ctb impulsively (I hope not to) some day.

 

[sleepisanescape]

For me it's just about timing. I'm planning on CTBing once I'm able to find an empty, secure space to end my life. Friend took me in once quarantine started and I would never leave her to deal with a dead body.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

because I live with my controlling family

 

[needaplan]

good effing question.

 

[ShutUpEli]

Really I feel like everyone does just because either
1. There's no 100% foolproof, painless, fast and easy way of doing it
2. Most people are either religious or have people they can't leave behind
3. Haven't done it yet

 

[GemCami]

Cuz im a lazy dumbshit

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

Because I'm still curious, I guess.

 

[RedHarlequin]

I owe it to those close to me to try deep brain stimulation, everything else hasn't worked. I don't know how long I can stay alive though, the Nembutal in my fridge is really tempting. Every day I think about renting a hotel room and ending it.

 

[Adamsnolife]

Lockdown has prevented me from doing my method at the moment.

 

[CahCaw]

I have so many depressed friends; I can't bear the amount of suffering my death would cause, even if it means my own suffering would end

 

[W’ren]

Reason 1- i'm alive because past ctb attempts failed

Reason 2- i still exist because my dog is alive. My "Endgame" or "Grand plan" is to bow out and ctb after he dies. He deserves to have me until his end- he is anxious, intuitive, empathic… we are very bonded. He doesn't do well without me. He is 12, his back end is arthritic, he falls on the stairs, i catch him and carry him up.
He deserves someone devoted to him until the end- as he has been to me for 12 years.

But i am simply alive and existing.
I have no spark- past trauma haunts me and current "minor"? Verbal/emotional abuse has me hating myself… I don't deserve living- and what would i do anyway? Disabled and older…. No one would want me.

I get some very small confort in knowing it won't be long now, though i'm sad for my dog.

How complicated and twisted my emotions are!! I am conflicted. But grieving his death will give me that push past my SI that i need.

That is why i am still on this earth.

 

[◄✵火✵〇°Ø•WÅR•Ī°〇✵火✵►]

⋖ Because We Have To Watch Over All Until, During & After The Apocalypse & The End Of All For All. ⋗


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[MindFog]

Because I'm a coward... And also a greedy person..


I just want it all.. I dont want experience pain anymore yet I want to still enjoy my life. I want be with my loved ones yet I hate them for neglecting me. I want to die but I dont want to hurt them. I want to live but I'm such a burden.

I want to die yet I want to live.

 

[Yasuke]

It's simple and I'm sure it can be boiled down to everybody else too. I lack the resolve currently to do so but make no mistake that I'm serious about going about my death it's just too dramatic currently and too much effort for me. I don't feel like killing myself but i don't feel like getting up in 5 hours but I will because my resolve is strong enough to get up due to the alternative or consequence. My life is still decent enough for me not to act now. I guess you could say I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. I don't want to die bad enough yet for me to act so I procrastinate by biding my time until the time is right. (Slipknot)

If I had to be on the verge of being homeless I think that would be the motivation I need to do it but of course I'm sure there's some part of me that hopes life will become tolerable but my reasoning is sound and knows it isnt worth it anyways if I have to suffer in this world in which I must.

You also have to create the plan then get out of your own head then finally take action if you have high inhibition. Others can just do it without much thought but not me. If I could just go to the doctor and order my suicide I would of done so 2 years ago and wouldn't even be writing this but since I have to find my method and act upon it makes it challenging enough to pause. You could also say existentially that it's my will to live that prevents me for killing myself even though I think it's the only reasonable action left I can take. Will to live meaning self preservation.

But with all my sorrows and troubles knowing that I have to die anyways should be more than enough to get me through with it for one day.

 

[Jemo_]

Cos I can't seem to find the best method to check out. Ffs

 

[ClownMe]

My dog.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

For my Dog!

Because I don't have the guts to ctb and I actually experience some happy moments in life such as getting drunk, playing with my dog, talking to my dad, gaming, etc.
However, I know my DOWNS are stronger than my UPS and I might ctb impulsively (I hope not to) some day.

You are so lucky being able to talk to your Dad @WornOutLife! I haven't been able to speak to mine for over 30+ years and l doubt l ever will get to again! And that knowledge hurts like a cold steel blade to the heart! I'd give my last breath to be able to hug him once more!