Discussion Why do people seem to need a relationship?

[LucifersIntrovert]

I don't know why but everyone I've come across (in real life not online) at least the ones I'm close wish literally NEED a relationship… not want or desire they NEED one. It blows my mind like literally my 3 closest friends either talk about women way to much or say some dumb shit like "if I pass my next exam I get a girlfriend" or actually have a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong I thought it was on some dumb shit saying something like that but they are actually down bad any chance they get they fantasize about a female we see and they either stare her down on just don't do anything, I've never really understood it because I've been single my whole ass life and still don't strive for a relationship? Idk if that's normal or not I mean don't get me wrong I wouldn't mind being in one but between college and having a personal life with family and working I can't see fitting in a significant other. Just wanted to say all of this and see if I'm normal or weird asf and my friends are normal I honestly don't even know at this point

 

[Myforevercharlie]

For me personally. I don't NEED a relationship. I'm not unhappy as a single person. But I am human. I like to care for someone else, want to crawl on the couch next to someone and pretend I'm watching a movie while I feel protected and safe that much i fall asleep.

I want to tell someone how my day went, trust someone enough to tell them whats inside my head without the fear of being laughed at.

I know many people who love their life on their own. I'm maybe old fashioned in that. I don't NEED a partner.

But despite me not being wasting away without one, I would like to belong with someone.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

For me personally. I don't NEED a relationship. I'm not unhappy as a single person. But I am human. I like to care for someone else, want to crawl on the couch next to someone and pretend I'm watching a movie while I feel protected and safe that much i fall asleep.

I want to tell someone how my day went, trust someone enough to tell them whats inside my head without the fear of being laughed at.

I know many people who love their life on their own. I'm maybe old fashioned in that. I don't NEED a partner.

But despite me not being wasting away without one, I would like to belong with someone.

That sounds nice. I would like all of that too. I wonder if I am just being prideful when I tell myself I want to be all alone in my life. It does sound nice to be with somebody, but I fear all the potential pains a relationship could bring too - the arguing, maybe (un)detected passive aggression, perhaps this person could even start resenting me over time or giving me the cold shoulder. And I can't stand those thoughts.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

That sounds nice. I would like all of that too. I wonder if I am just being prideful when I tell myself I want to be all alone in my life. It does sound nice to be with somebody, but I fear all the potential pains a relationship could bring too - the arguing, maybe (un)detected passive aggression, perhaps this person could even start resenting me over time or giving me the cold shoulder. And I can't stand those thoughts.

I do understand that. Believe me ..i do.

Its fucking scary shit. Always. But what if you don't give someone else, or more importantly yourself a chance? You won't feel the pain of a broken relationship. But you will feel the pain of being on your own while you look at your friends moving on.

I really believe in the old saying " better lose something then never experienced at all'


If there's any advice I can give you, someone who I loved dearly told me when I was very young " life is difficult enough, if something/ one makes you happy, at least try. If you fuck up it's oke. But don't be afraid to feel and experience '


Life/ relationships don't always go like you planned, but regretting something what maybe could have made life more enjoyable will only make you feel more alone and miserable

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I do understand that. Believe me ..i do.

Its fucking scary shit. Always. But what if you don't give someone else, or more importantly yourself a chance? You won't feel the pain of a broken relationship. But you will feel the pain of being on your own while you look at your friends moving on.

I really believe in the old saying " better lose something then never experienced at all'


If there's any advice I can give you, someone who I loved dearly told me when I was very young " life is difficult enough, if something/ one makes you happy, at least try. If you fuck up it's oke. But don't be afraid to feel and experience '


Life/ relationships don't always go like you planned, but regretting something what maybe could have made life more enjoyable will only make you feel more alone and miserable

The lengths I will go to try and avoid any type of pain or discomfort might be more extreme or out there than the average person... I might have an avoidant type personality (idk if its a disorder)... maybe you are right that it is better to have lost something than to have never experienced it at all, as of the current moment, I am too scared to try anything. Even death seems more approachable.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

The lengths I will go to try and avoid any type of pain or discomfort might be more extreme or out there than the average person... I might have an avoidant type personality (idk if its a disorder)... maybe you are right that it is better to have lost something than to have never experienced it at all, as of the current moment, I am too scared to try anything. Even death seems more approachable.

You seem young, sorry if I'm way off .

At the chance of being called a prolifer again, the grim reaper will always be there. He's not going anywhere.

What is it that makes you so scared?

If you don't want to tell the whole forum, you're free to message me.

I don't know the answer to everything, but I've got two still working ears :)

 

[dragonofenvy]

between college and having a personal life with family and working I can't see fitting in a significant other. Just wanted to say all of this and see if I'm normal or weird asf and my friends are normal I honestly don't even know at this point

I think in the stage you're at in life it is normal since you've got a lot going on. Once you are less busy, and have more time to think about what you want, that's when you may begin to realize that you do indeed want a relationship. I wasn't interested in relationships until I was about 18 years old when I quit my job in order to have one last summer vacation before adulthood. I realized then that I wanted a relationship. There wasn't a particular reason for why, I just wanted one. I think for most of the human population it's hardcoded. I think as you get older and less busy and stressed with school you may end up wanting one too. However, as time went on and I had... difficulties with forming relationships I became aromantic (as in, I find the idea of a "date" as... frivolous? I'm perfectly okay with spending time with someone but the normal dating things just seem weird) so take that for what you will. Maybe a reason you're not interested in relationships is due to having problems with friendships or other kinds of relationships in the past, or maybe you saw bad relationships and kept them in your subconscious.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't know about you or anyone else but I feel like I need one because the times I came close to having one were the only times I ever felt even remotely willing to not kill myself. Just the thought of getting close to feeling what it's like was enough motivation to also get my stubborn self to start considering recovering in ways I'd normally never be willing to experience. Maybe that would change once I actually experience a real relationship but no matter how much I try to deny it, it seems that I'll always be stuck perpetually in my teen years mentally until I can actually get to have the simple experience of having a relationship. Too bad I'm already too old to be fit for a first relationship and I don't care if anyone thinks that 30 isn't too old to start. Yes it is. Even if you don't think so, society always will. At least I can take comfort in the fact that CTB will at least prevent me from potentially ruining some woman's life by having me in it.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I don't know about you or anyone else but I feel like I need one because the times I came close to having one were the only times I ever felt even remotely willing to not kill myself. Just the thought of getting close to feeling what it's like was enough motivation to also get my stubborn self to start considering recovering in ways I'd normally never be willing to experience.

I feel the same way. I genuinely believe that if I got into a relationship that would be the kick I needed to get my life on track and start being a better person because then there would be someone to do something for, to make the pain I feel every day worth it. I've seen this be called "the girlfriend effect." Some people might find it self-centered and don't get me wrong it is, but is it really bad to think in those terms so long as you care about the other person?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I feel the same way. I genuinely believe that if I got into a relationship that would be the kick I needed to get my life on track and start being a better person because then there would be someone to do something for, to make the pain I feel every day worth it. I've seen this be called "the girlfriend effect." Some people might find it self-centered and don't get me wrong it is, but is it really bad to think in those terms so long as you care about the other person?

The girlfriend or even boyfriend effect is real. I've seen it happen so often. Even for people who end up having to end their first relationship for whatever reason they still walk away from it with a better grip on life than they had before they had the experience. 'Tis better to have and loved and lost than never to have loved at all they say but it's just unfortunate that some people are privileged enough to even get that far in the first place.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that needing a relationship is essential for most human beings due to how... they are human beings. I don't understand it myself. In my case, all I ever wanted is death and that still applies to this day

 

[BrainShower]

Ive had the relationships, was in different relationships with only small breaks from 1998-2020.
I am terrified of relationships now and am pretty sure I will never do that again. Once you find the one that breaks you it's easy to imagine life alone forever. At least for me. It just isn't worth the pain and suffering. And I like being alone, it's okay and doesn't feel like a billion red hot knives stabbing my soul.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think maybe it's more normal than not seeing as we descend from social monkeys and our drives are to reproduce. I definitely wanted a relationship when I was younger but, not as I grew older. I think I knew my chances were poor anyhow seeing as I'm not attractive, not domestic and I guess I just grew to have quite a distrust of people and to enjoy my independence.

It's kind of odd because I expect people look at me as kind of pathetic being forever single but if I'm honest- I look at them and think- all your self worth seems to be wrapped up or dependent on another person. What if they can't sustain you? What if they leave you? How are you going to cope?

I guess maybe we're just totally opposite people. There was a guy at college that seemed to continually need to be around people. I'm the total opposite. I feel the need to be alone a lot. I think he was probably more 'normal' than me but, I think it can go too far in the other direction. I don't think co-dependency always works out so well either.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Eh, you're normal. You just have a different mindset.
And frankly, there's a lot of posts about that too here in Sasu, but you may not have come across them yet.
build yourself up first, it's what i would've done different. And if your circle cant take that then make another one.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Most people act as though they need a relationship because of the extreme emphasis society puts on being in a relationship. Having your first bf/gf is treated as some sort of milestone in one's life, movies portray getting into a relationship and having children as being a happy ending, a lot of famillies put a lot of pressure on their children to get married and have children, etc. A lot of people don't realize that romantic relationships are no more special than any other type of relationship and that being single is okay.

 

[SexyIncél]

Too bad I'm already too old to be fit for a first relationship and I don't care if anyone thinks that 30 isn't too old to start. Yes it is. Even if you don't think so, society always will. At least I can take comfort in the fact that CTB will at least prevent me from potentially ruining some woman's life by having me in it.

I hope you can alter that perspective. Many people I know, they don't give a fuck about ruining someone's life with their incompetent-ass relationship skills. They may be experienced, like a drunk is experienced at booze. Doesn't give him profound insights into beverage consumption

Helps to look past the halo effect, their aura of competence. Ask certain questions, try out some weird things

No one has to know your lack of experience. You're a living being — you get to experience life before you die. And wtf's "a relationship"? How about just being with someone, being willing to flirt & whatnot? Just take it as an amusement. No failure if there's no goal

I mean what, are you planning to beat them up? If not, you're ahead of quite a few guys. Do you want to be cruel? If not, puts you ahead of many gals

I don't know why but everyone I've come across (in real life not online) at least the ones I'm close wish literally NEED a relationship… not want or desire they NEED one.

I dunno, "a relationship" is a social structure that gives you some reliable intimacy. But there's other ways of getting intimacy

Can boost your cognition

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I hope you can alter that perspective. Many people I know, they don't give a fuck about ruining someone's life with their incompetent-ass relationship skills. They may be experienced, like a drunk is experienced at booze. Doesn't give him profound insights into beverage consumption

Only way I can see myself changing my mind is to see it for myself. Maybe I'll get there, maybe I won't.

Helps to look past the halo effect, their aura of competence. Ask certain questions, try out some weird things

What are these certain questions? The weirdest thing I can think to try is to just admit all my failings outright and hope someone falls for me out of pity. I doubt this tactic would work at all though but it's crossed my mind out of desperation.

No one has to know your lack of experience. You're a living being — you get to experience life before you die. And wtf's "a relationship"? How about just being with someone, being willing to flirt & whatnot? Just take it as an amusement. No failure if there's no goal

True, it's just hard for me to keep it all in mind in the moment what with my heightened anxiety and all that. In the past I've considered using alcohol to alleviate this but I also put a stop to that when I realized it might lead me down even darker paths.

 

[sserafim]

I don't understand this either

 

[ilovecats]

I personally feel the need to be in a relationship because of how lonely life can be. Although, I don't get the people that seek a relationship just for sex, I get the people that seek a relationship because of loneliness. Honestly, I'm pretty sure the reason I want to be in one so bad is because of my mother basically being absent all my life and me subconsciously seeking a way to make up for it.

Anyway, this is very subjective matter.

 

[steppenwolf]

It's advertising. From birth you're conditioned to see models and actors pretending to be in fantastic relationships on screens and billboards everywhere, advertising a better life that you don't have but which could be yours if you would only buy the wonderful things they're selling. If only. But none of it's real. Nobody lives like those models and actors pretend to, and even if you could, you wouldn't want to. It's just advertising.

 

[SexyIncél]

What are these certain questions? The weirdest thing I can think to try is to just admit all my failings outright and hope someone falls for me out of pity. I doubt this tactic would work at all though but it's crossed my mind out of desperation.

Who knows? Sure, why not just go around telling the truth? Just as an experiment. "I'm looking for a pity relationship"

Maybe make it a character. If you ask "You wanna go out?" & someone rejects, just cock your head in a shrug and say "Aw, pity"; then move on. It'd be hilarious if you say you're nervous — without obvious nervous emotion on your face

Break all the redpill rules. "I'd like to cry in front of you. Wanna see if you'll be repulsed by me?"

True, it's just hard for me to keep it all in mind in the moment what with my heightened anxiety and all that. In the past I've considered using alcohol to alleviate this but I also put a stop to that when I realized it might lead me down even darker paths.

Might it help to get so very close to death, that you simply stop giving a shit about that which truly does not matter? Like in Fight Club

Like: if you don't go out & admit your feelings to people, then you'll ctb

 

[sserafim]

Because they either want sex or time and attention

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I think it's perfectly fine to not want a relationship. Normal? Debatable. But if it's not harming you, who cares? No one else should give you shit for it, either.
In fairness, plenty of people who say this do so because they're coping (understandable in the current minefield of a social/romantic landscape), but I'm certain there's still an odd few who truly prefer being loners.

I assume most people want relationships because it's human instinct to want to partner and reproduce, but on a more 'civilized' (illusion) level, I think the average person finds comfort or motivation in having someone by them to split the bills and moreso the burden of existence.

Personally, I'm a terrible, stupid hopeless romantic, but love has kept my head out of the noose on multiple occasions—as close as I've come, that was always what stopped me. However you see it, romantic love can be a powerful force over humanity, and as a result of biological and social conditioning, I think most people crave to experience that.

 

[Melancholic_Misfit]

Sadly, most people care more about their partners than friends.

 

[dödsängel]

Our only biological purpose is to reproduce. It's how the species doesn't die off. And humans are naturally monogamous I'm pretty sure. Especially with the way society is structured, it ends up being that way and the most important relationship to most as a result.

 

[Camper]

It's due to one or two of these reasons:
1. Their lives are empty (and this is their makeshift distraction or goal).
2. They want to reproduce.
The first reason is honestly the biggest one, even though that may seem untrue at first.

 

[DarkRange55]

For me personally. I don't NEED a relationship. I'm not unhappy as a single person. But I am human. I like to care for someone else, want to crawl on the couch next to someone and pretend I'm watching a movie while I feel protected and safe that much i fall asleep.

I want to tell someone how my day went, trust someone enough to tell them whats inside my head without the fear of being laughed at.

I know many people who love their life on their own. I'm maybe old fashioned in that. I don't NEED a partner.

But despite me not being wasting away without one, I would like to belong with someone.

I'm in a long term relationship at the moment and its not my first.
I love the companionship it brings. I love sharing memories and experiences and having a special connection. The support it provides and coming home to someone special. The growth I gain as a person. It's also a nice sense of security (when you're with the right person). It's just a wonderful experience, IMHO.
I don't need that companionship in my life. I like it, I always have room for it. But I can also have a pretty damn fine time on my own. I'm always busy enough as it is. But for some people, like myself, its always been very important for me.

It's crass but one of my old boss's would always say, "guaranteed s*x every night."

"You see, we can feed the stomach with concentrates. We can supply microfilm for reading, recreation - even movies of a sort. We can pump oxygen in and waste material out. But there's one thing we can't simulate that's a very basic need. Man's hunger for companionship. The barrier of loneliness - that's one thing we haven't licked yet."
- The Twilight Zone, S1 E1 "Where is Everybody"

 

[sserafim]

Our only biological purpose is to reproduce. It's how the species doesn't die off. And humans are naturally monogamous I'm pretty sure. Especially with the way society is structured, it ends up being that way and the most important relationship to most as a result.

Would it be a bad thing if the species died off though?

 

[DarkRange55]

Would it be a bad thing if the species died off though?

That's a moral question which is more the domain of philosophy. What this user is referring to is in the domain of science & innate biology and independent from the moral purview of humanity.

Would it be a bad thing if the species died off though?

Read Dr. David Buss

I don't know why but everyone I've come across (in real life not online) at least the ones I'm close wish literally NEED a relationship… not want or desire they NEED one. It blows my mind like literally my 3 closest friends either talk about women way to much or say some dumb shit like "if I pass my next exam I get a girlfriend" or actually have a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong I thought it was on some dumb shit saying something like that but they are actually down bad any chance they get they fantasize about a female we see and they either stare her down on just don't do anything, I've never really understood it because I've been single my whole ass life and still don't strive for a relationship? Idk if that's normal or not I mean don't get me wrong I wouldn't mind being in one but between college and having a personal life with family and working I can't see fitting in a significant other. Just wanted to say all of this and see if I'm normal or weird asf and my friends are normal I honestly don't even know at this point

I think you also need to understand that people have different motivations. Some people care more about money, some care more about romance and dating, some care more about freedom and momentum and some care more about status and mastery.

 

[dödsängel]

Would it be a bad thing if the species died off though?

It doesn't really matter, but it's against our every biological instinct