Discussion Why do people seem to need a relationship?

[sserafim]

That's a moral question which is more the domain of philosophy. What this user is referring to is in the domain of science & innate biology and independent from the moral purview of humanity.

Read Dr. David Buss

I think you also need to understand that people have different motivations. Some people care more about money, some care more about romance and dating, some care more about freedom and momentum and some care more about status and mastery.

I care about status and mastery as well as freedom and momentum. I don't give a shit about romance and dating. Maybe that's because I'm aromantic lol

It doesn't really matter, but it's against our every biological instinct

I guess so. Why should you give into your instincts though? Some things need to and should be defied

 

[dödsängel]

I guess so. Why should you give into your instincts though? Some things need to and should be defied

We don't need to or not need to do anything
It doesn't matter
But it's part of our biological programming, so most people will still follow it.

 

[Unhumanly.]

Human long for connection and emotional support from the connection to be fulfilled in life, and relationship provide that

 

[theboy]

to avoid feeling lonely or to establish a short or long term relationship generally

 

[DarkRange55]

I care about status and mastery as well as freedom and momentum. I don't give a shit about romance and dating. Maybe that's because I'm aromantic lol

I guess so. Why should you give into your instincts though? Some things need to and should be defied

For some people, being in a relationship gives them validation and a better sense of identity. Some people.

I care about status and mastery as well as freedom and momentum. I don't give a shit about romance and dating. Maybe that's because I'm aromantic lol

I guess so. Why should you give into your instincts though? Some things need to and should be defied

What motivates you about status and mastery? It's fine, it's normal but I'm curious about you as an individual.

 

[eatantz]

For me I need a relationship. The meaning of my life is to love, its the only thing I enjoy in this existence. I love music, trees, dolls, comfy beds and romance. The only good thing in my life is the ability to love, the reason I'm depressed is because I'm stuck with all the things I hate. The moment I had my first crush I realised that the purpose of my life is to be with someone, then I could die fulfilled. I feel useless and nothing without someone to love me, so I NEED a relationship in an extreme way.

 

[migimortis]

Some dudes just get tired of using their hands hehe

 

[innominesatanas44]

Bc they are uncool pussys who don't focus on the grind

 

[1MiserableGuy]

Because we live in a sexual anarchy where everything is allowed, but none of it is private or sacred. Our culture is designed to slay the nuclear family unit.

 

[xinino]

To break down and deteriorate until dissolute myself in continuity with another entity. It is tastement of obsession that transgresses and surpasses space and time, to embrace the sacredness tendencies in ourselves.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

I think it's because people fear being truly alone. But also a lot of people seem to be more interested in imagining what it's like to be in a relationship than actually being in one if that makes any sense. Whether it be for reasons due to fear of loneliness or sexual reasons or needing some type of outside validation or encouragement. Like you're bartering yourself with other people in hopes that they can add something you're missing from your life.

I have met people who are very adamant about it and very much yearning for it and personally, I don't get it myself but I have tried to build relationships with a lot of people and when you're young and you feel alone in some way the grass seems greener outside yourself in some ways and you hope people can water your lawn and make it as green as theres' is.

I think the problem is when people spend more time imagining it than actually pursuing it. Wanting something and never being able to fulfill that desire or need or want or whatever you call it can make us act out in very strange and sometimes destructive ways or start to believe that the world is against us because our advances are not being met with what we expect. It can get very strange for some people.

We're all mostly strangers to each other but we're also more strangers to ourselves and we have a hard time questioning our motivations especially if they are embarrassing or our environments tell us these feelings are shameful. We have a hard time taking risks too and a lot of it requires a lot of vulnerability that some people can't afford so they end up in a cycle of self-defeat because it's easy to imagine but too risky to endure.

Pursuing relationships can be unpleasant. A lot of the people you meet will always be strangers to you and even the ones you show your underbelly to have to question their own motivations for pursuing said relationship as you do. I have tried to build relationships with other broken people and it can feel like you're trying to fight each other to fix each other or to take something from them to fulfill something in yourself and it gets messy. I honestly feel like a lot of people want someone who is better than them to make them better people by association or within their lives as if it will spill over but those people can get exhausted trying to change you into who you want to be.

Be young and take risks. And sometimes the person you know best who already loves you as you are can be the only relationship you really need. Minus the sex. Minus being in a "friend zone". Just even being friends with someone is hard enough.

 

[errorsinmypast]

Ive had the relationships, was in different relationships with only small breaks from 1998-2020.
I am terrified of relationships now and am pretty sure I will never do that again. Once you find the one that breaks you it's easy to imagine life alone forever. At least for me. It just isn't worth the pain and suffering. And I like being alone, it's okay and doesn't feel like a billion red hot knives stabbing my soul.

So relate to this.
I think for me I feel like I'm sparing someone the pain of loving me and then finding out about my plans to ctb and then causing this person who truly loves me the pain of losing me. Doesn't seem fair. So I've decided to be alone as long as I'm here, it's just easier all round. People think I'm odd for it, but they don't know my reasons so I get it.
Plus I hate the hot knives stabbing the soul pain too, why choose to be vulnerable to this potential pain, most folks are selfish and are let downs

 

[suizsuicide]

Speaking from my experience people 'need' relationships as a form of validation. I wish i didnt need relationships (friends, family, a life partner) because i would rather be happy by myself than sad with several people in my life all who do not understand me.
And then i hear these voices tell me i dont need anyone that i dont deserve anyone that no one wants me

And the majority of humans crave socal interaction! But people with mental illness either 1) crave this validation more than anything but find it difficult to achieve it or 2) they dont desire it! Having relationships (of any kind) requires being vulnerable and open, if you are on the spectrum or have schizo typical personality disorder theres a chance you dont want relationships! Disorders make it hard for people to have and or want these things.

Its normal to not want relationships but in some cases it can become a problem
And vice versa, unhealthy obsessing about relationships to where your whole life is defined by it.

 

[ham and potatoes]

Yeah, ive always found it odd how some people NEED to always be in a relationship, and are basically never single. they jump strait from one relationship right into another.
Not sure if its a fear of being alone, or like you said, its a need for validation or what.
Dont get me wrong, relationships can be fun, its nice to have someone to do stuff with, plus you know, sex is fun too.
But i dont need one

Some dudes just get tired of using their hands hehe

i heard this somewhere, but its fitting "Orgasms are like cooking. I could do it myself but i prefer someone else to do it for me"

 

[Dark Moon]

I don't need a relationship, however I have a sex drive, loneliness and I also see it as a way to break free from my isolation.

I don't think it's going to work with the conditions I have, I'm unable to connect with people and I probably need to work on myself.

I'm not in the right mind for one right now.

 

[denjiwillsaveme]

personally I LOVE being alone and doing things by myself, I just enjoy my time as a self being; sure it would be nice to be in a relationship but i don't necessarily crave or have a need to be in one. Sadly, I see others revolve their world in relationships and although it may look nice sometimes I see partners lost and have no actual personalities and to me that looks depressing.

Life isn't always about love, sex and attention but others tend to seek that if they are bored or want to experience things that can't be done alone but you are not weird if you enjoy being by yourself and their is nothing wrong to not constantly want to find someone to do acts of love.

 

[soulkitty]

I will probably always have the urge to be in a relationship but I can't and really don't want to right now. My mental state is shit and I'm not healed or stable enough yet to feel like I'll be a good partner. Not only that but I just don't want to be in a romantic relationship for a very long time. I think some people(?), at least this is the case for me want someone to give all of their love and affection to and take care of them and form that very deep bond, the kind of bond that brings you so much understanding between another human on a whole new level. It's definitely an experience like no other