i really thought that having a partner would make it all better - it didnt

[overthrone]

don't get me wrong, some things are definitely better. i have physical affection that i've been lacking for my whole life, but there's a strange pressure about it. my partner doesn't know i'm suicidal, nor does he know what i've been through in my life. i'm somewhat afraid to tell him out of a fear he'll leave due to my past. it's easier for people to date other people without baggage. i also don't want him to have to worry about waking up one morning and i'm just gone. or us going out, and he notices a cut i gave to myself or something. it's exhausting, really. i'm happy he's in my life but it's moments like these where i consider whether my loneliness is worth torturing the people around me.

 

[miles-away]

As someone who was in a similar situation as yours, it's cliche to say but you gotta love yourself before you try to get into another relationship. I learned through two failed relationships (and one of them being a total loser) that being in a relationship isn't the end all be all to life. Once I shed that mentality, I was a lot freer.