Why do people even bother to ask?

[Despondent_One]

I was wondering if anyone else has had the experience where if you try and speak with a loved one about what you're thinking regarding suicide you are shut down because no one wants to talk about it? It's as though they know you're never going to get better but they have no viable alternatives. So the topic in general becomes verboten. I don't even mean talking about a plan or anything specific. That I know from experience will just get you hospitalized. I get tired of seeing all these mental health awareness commercials but no one ever has anything to offer to fix the problem. Things do get better for some people and suicide should not be entered into lightly. However some people will never get better. Mental illness for example is often chronic and a lifetime problem. I for one have good days and bad days. Or bad days and worse days might be more accurate. But at what point are we allowed as rational minded free thinking adults to say I want off this ride? The constant up and down of the emotional rollercoaster is in and of itself exhausting. You would never allow for this if it was a physical illness.

 

[AJ95]

I think people ask because they want to be supportive or they feel like they're obliged to ask how you're going.

I just don't think they're prepared for the reality of what that means sometimes

 

[Done at Fifty]

I stopped talking to family about my suicidal thoughts years ago. I came to the realization that it was unfair to expect non-professionals to know how to deal with suicidal thoughts and worse - I was bringing them down and causing them to get the very anxiety and depression that I was struggling with. Society teaches us that our real family and friends are there for us no matter what, but - I think - it goes both ways and we should recognize when we're asking too much of them.

For a long time, I had taken their advice for me to get help, as rejection. With time I realized they were just overwhelmed and trying to protect their own mental health. There's nothing wrong with deciding to exclude negative people for our own mental health, and lonely as it is, I lost some friends specifically for this reason. And can I really blame them? I was always told to surround myself with positive people and here I was forcing people to deal with my negativity.

Now, I'm okay with putting on a smile for them, prefer it even, and keeping my medical problems in the hands of my family doctor.

 

[signifying nothing]

As someone said:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Also I think there's a real problem with people holding life in such high regard. You're right, there should be more talk about options for dying. Healthcare is focused on keeping us alive rather than the quality of that life.

 

[Despondent_One]

I don't think it matters whether they are a professional or not. Most professionals cannot have an honest discussion about self deliverance without attaching some kind of morality or ethics to it. If people don't want to hear about it they shouldn't ask. Pleasantries are fine for superficial relationships like co-workers or acquaintances. I would never expect someone other than an immediate family member or close friend to actually want to know how I am when asking. Usually it's just a way of greeting someone. I don't understand why we are so culturally afraid to talk openly about death. We've sanitized it. We ship old people off to die in nursing homes. We don't show casualties returning from war in coffins. It's like people think if they discuss it, it's going to happen. I also don't find suicide necessarily negative. I think the fact that there are no programs for euthanasia as there are in some European countries negative. In that it drives it into the shadows. Where people have to make a decision to leave this world without their loved ones around them. If you had cancer you wouldn't go into the woods and hide your death. You'd be treated like a sick and suffering human being. You would not be judged. How many times have you heard some lamenting family member proclaim if I only knew they were feeling this way? If they only said something? It's not like going to a doctor necessarily will bring about any permanent change. You can get help. Many people do. But many people play a game of revolving doctors all their life. Never getting better. Just going round and round on the carosel. I think if you meant that you expected your family to provide you with therapy. That would be a different story. But it's such a radioactive topic.

 

[Yiyo123]

In my case, my family members don't ask. I'm convinced that they really din't care... specially my brother. Talking abount suicide is like a taboo.

My wife in particular knows when i'm feeling suicidal, my psicosis kicks in hard and she brings the subject to discussion. But it ends rapidly... since I don't want to worry her or I simply don't say anything. I usually say that is simply a thought. But in reality is a wish. I am simply tired of living an empty an meaningless life. I'm always heavily medicated (i don't know were my meds are... they are hidden), took ECT therapies, don't go out (only to doctor's appointments) and don't do anything. So what's the point of living like this.

Anyway, wish you all are well, safe and at peace.

 

[Midnight-rain]

I don't bother opening up about my mental health in grave detail with my family (or at all for that matter) because I know it won't go well. Their intentions are good but they lack any kind of knowledge on the subject. A few years ago when I would act on my OCD compulsion -hand washing- my parents expressed annoyance and called me an attention seeker...which would stress me out more and lead to more hand washing.

Forget mentioning suicide, I'd rather swallow glass than remind my parents I'm suicidal. They want to see me "get better" yet their past responses to me being vulnerable were less than ideal, so I've kept my mouth shut and it'll stay that way.

Lots of people want to actually help but aren't equipped to do so. Therefore when they realize it's too much for them the conversation is over. If you're lucky they'll admit it to you tersely. Or they'll just say you're crazy and turn the other cheek.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I think people ask because they want to be supportive or they feel like they're obliged to ask how you're going.

I just don't think they're prepared for the reality of what that means sometimes

this tbh. People genuinely want to help but they don't know how to actually deal with someone that is in a very poor mental state.

 

[Lilacmoon]

They ask but they aren't prepared for the real answer. Might as well say "yup, I'm fine and happy, life is a gift" and maybe they'll smile and leave me alone.

 

[woxihuanni]

Nobody irl asks anymore. Everybody is incredibly bored and disgusted because my corpse has not left the house yet. Neighbour wants to buy the house when I die, but if she does I will haunt the house and make her sorry.