Venting Should I try therapy again?

[ion]

This is mostly me venting, I do have couple of questions at the bottom though. Sorry for any misspelling its late.

I've been in therapy a couple times when I was a kid/teen for anger issues, hurting myself (scratching/punching myself), and grief but each time it was pointless they all sucked in the end.

The first therapist I had never even got me to open up with my issues he just played fucking uno with me for an hour and call it a day. Barely ever asked me questions other than how was my day ect.

The second one just took me outside for sports and said "imagine the ball to be the one who makes you the most mad." then afterwards we would talk about who I was thinking about and we would write about it. It never amounted to anything other than me just talking about stupid family problems.

The last one was the only slightly decent one, I was 16 when my mother passed and I was the one who found her and since I was still a child I needed a greif therapist for 3 months even when I explicitly said I didn't need on. He actually got me to talk about issues in my life. It was mostly about thing that made me feel better and thoughts on my family. but in the end the only real thing I got was stuffed animal and recommendation to continue with a new therapist in the future.

I never really improved with my anger it only gets worse especially as of recently which is why im here now to finally go through with ctb. I only can hide it really well but I do still hurt myself now upgraded with instruments because money is helpful.

Would there be any reason to go to therapy again if it felt useless the other times? Now more than ever i feel disgusting and lack any motivation to even do anything with myself other than work. If I do, should I be upfront about my suicidal ideation or hide it? Please ask me anything if you need any more information, for a better answer.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

Would there be any reason to go to therapy again if it felt useless the other times?

Yes. Even if your previous experiences weren't all that good, that doesn't mean future ones can't be. If you feel up to it, it's worth giving it another go.

Now more than ever i feel disgusting and lack any motivation to even do anything with myself other than work. If I do, should I be upfront about my suicidal ideation or hide it? Please ask me anything if you need any more information, for a better answer.

Ideally, you should be able to talk openly about suicidal ideation with a therapist. There's the whole "calling the cops on you" thing that people mention often around here, but it's not a thing that happens automatically whenever a patient mentions suicidal ideation, and any halfway competent therapist should be able to know the difference between a patient talking about suicidal ideation and them being in imminent danger, which would likely require them to make a report for legal reason.

Of course, being upfront about suicidal thoughts with someone you've just met might not be the easiest thing, and you may need to wait until some trust has been built with the therapist. That's totally fine. But, if suicidal thoughts are something you're struggling with, it needs to come up at some point in therapy so that it can be addressed.

 

[ion]

any halfway competent therapist should be able to know the difference between a patient talking about suicidal ideation and them being in imminent danger, which would likely require them to make a report for legal reason.

This is the only part I'm afraid of, because I know for sure what I want, I don't want expose myself and lose a very viable option for me (firearm). And face to face I fuck up most of what I say and resort to joking around and brushing everything off.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

This is the only part I'm afraid of, because I know for sure what I want, I don't want expose myself and lose a very viable option for me (firearm). And face to face I fuck up most of what I say and resort to joking around and brushing everything off.

I suppose the "safest" way of going about it would be to talk about the things you're struggling with while avoiding direct mentions of suicidal ideation, until you get a better feel for how the therapist might handle it. And when you do bring it up, you might throw in a clarification about not being in imminent danger or something like that. When I first mentioned my suicidal thoughts to my therapist I said something along those lines, even though I trusted her and knew she wouldn't have a negative reaction to it.

What's important is that it's brought up at some point, so it can be worked on. If it takes a few sessions before you feel comfortable talking about it, that's perfectly fine.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If yu feel so inclined at all you probably should. Those of us who were done with therapy, KNEW we were done.

As an adult it will probably be a very different experience.

I suggest you be open from the get-go about your concerns about calling EMS on you. Talk about how you can avoid getting to that point.

 

[Coconut blue]

if you're asking this i think your alr inclined to giving therapy another go, and i'd say it doesnt hurt to do so. i would say get to know them first before you directly talk about suicidal thoughts. when you do you can clarify that you're just talking about ideation, not that you have a plan to ctb and are going to carry it thru

 

[ion]

I suppose the "safest" way of going about it would be to talk about the things you're struggling with while avoiding direct mentions of suicidal ideation, until you get a better feel for how the therapist might handle it. And when you do bring it up, you might throw in a clarification about not being in imminent danger or something like that. When I first mentioned my suicidal thoughts to my therapist I said something along those lines, even though I trusted her and knew she wouldn't have a negative reaction to it.

If yu feel so inclined at all you probably should. Those of us who were done with therapy, KNEW we were done.

As an adult it will probably be a very different experience.

I suggest you be open from the get-go about your concerns about calling EMS on you. Talk about how you can avoid getting to that point.

Thank you guys for your thoughts on this. I'll try it out for a while, just to keep me in check. I'll update if need be. Thank you again.

 

[UKscotty]

I think any decent human will always tell you that recovery should always be the course of action.

Until we take the act of CTB there is always hope of recovery.

It can be easy to get sucked into the pro-death nonsense as there are a lot of evil people who enjoy people dying, whilst they live themselves.

For me personally, I believe I have tried and nothing worked.

Good luck whatever you decide.