i just may ctb tn

[2vile2live]

i'm 27 and have struggled w mental health for most of my life. started feeling suicidal when i was abt 8/9 and have attempted more times than i can count on both my hands but i was much younger so i was quite impulsive/stupid in my previous attempts. it's been almost 8 years since my last attempt and everyone in my life thinks i'm Better Now thanks to almost a decade of outpatient therapy and a cumulatively 2.5 years stuck in locked wards. however i am still just as miserable and suicidal as i have always been i've just gotten better at hiding it. i've tried so hard to gaslight myself into believing there's a future for me but i still have yet to go more than a few days without wanting to leave this life. Now, i live alone in a city where i have virtually no ties other than my therapist and job. it would take my family that's over 2hrs away all noticing they haven't heard from me before anyone realized anything was amiss. i suspect that would take abt 2-4 days. i also am currently out of work recovering from a medical issue and don't have any place to be until my doctors appointment on thursday. i have a ton of pills, nyquil, and alcohol available to me currently and im just feeling like i should give it a go again. the issue with all of my previous OD's was always that i was found too soon given i lived w my family and had a lot of obligations and ppl who would notice quickly but that's not the case here. i know what i have available to me doesn't gaurentee lethality but if i dont ever seek medical care if either just sleep it or or die eventually right? i dont care if its painful i just cant do this any

 

[telekon]

What would happen if you didn't die but nobody found you? I don't know what pills you have but sounds like a bad idea. What meds are you prescribed? SSRIs and antipsychotics make people kill themselves. I'm sorry you spent time locked in a ward. This kind of thing really needs to change because clearly it does nothing to help people. I've only picked friends up from wards and I already hate it. It's causing unethical suffering to people who are already at risk. Again, it shouldn't have happened to you, and they are going to pay for it one way or another.

 

[kitkat9234]

Sorry that you are suffering so much. I can relate as I've been dealing with mental health issues most of my life as well as a few hospitalizations.

Unfortunately from what I gather from here is that ODs are considered a non method although I'm not sure what specific meds or how much you have. Will probably just get sick and sleep for a long time. I hate that it is so hard to CTB this way as I would love to just go to sleep not wake up ever again.

I only have access to prescribed sleeping pills (almost two years saved up of Lunesta) alcohol and other antidepressants but am thinking of using them in combination with a hot car. My thinking is that if I am sedated enough I won't wake up and my body will just cook itself to death due to the heat in the car. I'm just worried I will be found or it won't work the right way. I don't have access to anything else/other methods are too complicated (I'm literally brain dead) or can't figure out how to get SN.

I hope you get relief and find peace. If you ever need to talk I'm here.

 

[2vile2live]

What would happen if you didn't die but nobody found you? I don't know what pills you have but sounds like a bad idea. What meds are you prescribed? SSRIs and antipsychotics make people kill themselves. I'm sorry you spent time locked in a ward. This kind of thing really needs to change because clearly it does nothing to help people. I've only picked friends up from wards and I already hate it. It's causing unethical suffering to people who are already at risk. Again, it shouldn't have happened to you, and they are going to pay for it one way or another.

i have an abundance of antipsychotics and antivirals as well as abt 200 mgs left of an opioid script for pain management…. i'm hoping that the antipsychotics and antivirals would destroy my liver/kidneys and the opiods + alc and nyquil would sedate me enough to not suffer too much until the liver/kidneys damage took me out plus the possibility of the opiods+alc being enough to make me stop breathing is a bonus as well. i'm aware that this is more likely to fail than work but i don't have immediate access to anything else and i really don't wanna live another day and im quite poor so there's not much that i can afford that is highly leathal.

 

[2vile2live]

Sorry that you are suffering so much. I can relate as I've been dealing with mental health issues most of my life as well as a few hospitalizations.

Unfortunately from what I gather from here is that ODs are considered a non method although I'm not sure what specific meds or how much you have. Will probably just get sick and sleep for a long time. I hate that it is so hard to CTB this way as I would love to just go to sleep not wake up ever again.

I only have access to prescribed sleeping pills (almost two years saved up of Lunesta) alcohol and other antidepressants but am thinking of using them in combination with a hot car. My thinking is that if I am sedated enough I won't wake up and my body will just cook itself to death due to the heat in the car. I'm just worried I will be found or it won't work the right way. I don't have access to anything else/other methods are too complicated (I'm literally brain dead) or can't figure out how to get SN.

I hope you get relief and find peace. If you ever need to talk I'm here.

i have quite a mix of meds that i have prescribed rn and im not positive they're lethal but it's worth the risk. i've also considered rigging my car to use CO2 but i don't know of a place that i could ensure i wouldn't be found too soon. i also have very limited methods and trying to figure out how to get SN is an issue for me too. i'm just really fed up atp and don't even wanna see another sunrise. i'm just done

 

[kitkat9234]

i have quite a mix of meds that i have prescribed rn and im not positive they're lethal but it's worth the risk. i've also considered rigging my car to use CO2 but i don't know of a place that i could ensure i wouldn't be found too soon. i also have very limited methods and trying to figure out how to get SN is an issue for me too. i'm just really fed up atp and don't even wanna see another sunrise. i'm just done

I completely understand. I hate how hard it is. Hugs to you.

 

[darksouls]

I am very sorry that you are feeling so bad
sending you hugs and love

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to be gone, I also just wish to be free from this existence as well, I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for.