NSFW Why do I romanticize it?

[liber4animavestra]

I like hurting myself. I think my bruises and scars are pretty when they're fresh and they hurt. I feel sick but I feel so pretty. I take pictures of me bleeding or with my bruises and post them online on chat forums and sites and blogs and imagine someone getting off to my hurt. I feel pretty and desirable when I show how badly I want to end it.

For a long time at one point I found it physically impossible to cry. Now I've learned to do it and I love crying. I cry and cry and cry until I touch myself and cry until I cum just so I can cry some more. I feel the prettiest when I cry.

It's my secret. That I like my pain and I think my pain makes me pretty. I feel like an angel with broken wings. I feel dumb and lost and I wait for someone to take advantage of me so I can show how sick I am and be thrown away and used again and again and again. I like being a bait. I like that I'm never good enough. Or not. I don't like it. But I like it when I'm hit and punched and insulted and assaulted for it.

Why? Why do I romanticize it? In the end, I've understood that it is harmful to me and I am hurting. So why? Why have I almost made it into a dumb aesthetic? Please let me hear your experiences. I really need to know how others have coped with this.

 

[Galam]

I assume someone traumatized you. And do you take any antidepressants? they can damage your whole chemistry and give you destructive habits like cutting, vomiting... and so on.

If you take nothing, maybe try to take 1000mg St. Johns Wort (Johanniskraut) pills. It can give you a better mood within 2 weeks. I use it and it helps me a little but I never had this violence towards myself you have. I only had some episodes of small cutting and forced vomiting when I was on Fluoxetin and when I stopped the meds. After 2 weeks I felt better and I supported my body with supplements (magnesium, iron, herbs for liver and kidney).

Try to be good to you. You are not trash, and you are not pretty when you damage your (I assume female?) body.

Best Regards to you from germany

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I assume someone traumatized you. And do you take any antidepressants? they can damage your whole chemistry and give you destructive habits like cutting, vomiting... and so on.

If you take nothing, maybe try to take 1000mg St. Johns Wort (Johanniskraut) pills. It can give you a better mood within 2 weeks. I use it and it helps me a little but I never had this violence towards myself you have. I only had some episodes of small cutting and forced vomiting when I was on Fluoxetin and when I stopped the meds. After 2 weeks I felt better and I supported my body with supplements (magnesium, iron, herbs for liver and kidney).

Try to be good to you. You are not trash, and you are not pretty when you damage your (I assume female?) body.

Best Regards to you from germany

Nowhere in that post did they indicate that they take antidepressants, and the behaviours that they described are common amongst those who don't take psych meds in general.

 

[Cauliflour]

Sounds like masochism. Maybe take some medicine though to chill those tendencies as you're gonna get yourself tied up into a toxic relationship with that kind of thinking. I can't really give any good advice though as I'm similar but not as extreme yet, but I wouldn't call it an aesthetic. It's more like some fucked up coping mechanism.

 

[MeSauce]

That is emo as hell and I love it, if I knew you irl I think Id fall in love with you lol