NSFW Ashamed to Listen to Erotic Audios

[sulkygirl]

I feel so ashamed to listen to them. It's always the ones where the speaker violates me as I struggle or cry. And it scares me so much that I get off on these. On one hand... It helps me process my past traumatic relationships but on the other... Why would I ever want that? Why do I want so desperately for another girl to violate me and then cuddle me and reassure me everything will be okay and apologize to me.

I need therapy. Too bad it's a luxury of the wealth.

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

it's alright, mate. if none of us had things we were ashamed of, none of us would be here. you do anything that helps you find your peace, whether that be ctb or living a happy life. none of us are here to judge you, we're all just trying to get by. I wish you live and peace, mate <3. therapy is a scam lol. works for some people but not most.

 

[Nothing.]

I feel so ashamed to listen to them. It's always the ones where the speaker violates me as I struggle or cry. And it scares me so much that I get off on these. On one hand... It helps me process my past traumatic relationships but on the other... Why would I ever want that? Why do I want so desperately for another girl to violate me and then cuddle me and reassure me everything will be okay and apologize to me.

I need therapy. Too bad it's a luxury of the wealth.

I'm sorry that you have been so emotionally scarred and traumatize. It seems like you have been through a lot and are still in so much pain. It's human nature to desire connection and comfort. People find it through pets, friends, kids, and spouses. We desire it so much that we are willing to endure pain and put ourselves in bad positions just to feel loved. Even though you deserve love and comfort without feeling like you have to earn it or it has to be transactional. I'm not saying relationships have no work, but that you don't feel like you need to give something for someone to love you. You shouldn't feel ashamed for all of this trauma that you did not choose to feel. However, I think you should try to reclaim yourself and develop love for yourself. I know that's easier said than done. You can do therapy, journaling, and just hanging out with friends to cure loneliness and find comfort.

There is options for cheaper therapy through non-profits, public, and community resources. Therapy can be very beneficial, but it does take time. It takes time to go through it, and also to find the right therapist. There are some you might connect well with and other's that may be not right or shouldn't even be therapists. Once you find the right one though you can work towards what you want to be and help you through that trauma. Hopefully with rebuilt confidence to start over and find a healthier relationship.

 

[ipmanwc0]

it's alright, mate. if none of us had things we were ashamed of, none of us would be here. you do anything that helps you find your peace, whether that be ctb or living a happy life. none of us are here to judge you, we're all just trying to get by. I wish you live and peace, mate <3. therapy is a scam lol. works for some people but not most.

I don't know how you come to the conclusion that it's a scam because it doesn't work for everyone. It's one of the most effective options and I think it would be even better if the therapy was always tailored to the person. She definitely should seek therapy

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

^ Try anything once, I guess.

 

[sulkygirl]

She definitely should seek therapy

I have. It kind of helped the first time I had a period of depression a while back. But these past three months have been rough.

It's illogical to mourn for the relationship with a woman who has hurt you again and again. But since when has love been logical? I want her to hold me down, violate me, make me cry, apologize to me, cuddle me after, and pretend it's all okay. At least then I'd feel less alone.

I can't afford therapy this time. I can barely afford living. I'm far overdue for medical checkups and a cavity fill too. Someday. If I make it long enough.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Have you considered listening to Spice And Wolf (2024) instead ?

 

[sulkygirl]

Have you considered listening to Spice And Wolf (2024) instead ?

What's that about? I haven't seen much anime besides Sasaki and Miyano

 

[Aflame5926]

sorry this might be really insensitive for me to ask and ill will blame my autism for it.

but aside from depression you are afraid for developing a kink?
i dont understand the fear for it to be honest.

unless you are touching little kids which is a big no no i dont see a reason why you should be afraid of it.
what of this scares you exactly?

also take this as a grain of salt

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

What's that about? I haven't seen much anime besides Sasaki and Miyano

A traveling merchant meets a pagan goddess and slowly falls in love with her. But she's a little shit who scams everything that dares exist in her presence and is a general menace to society. Like, if you make the mistake of being near her, she'll spend all your money on apples and eat you out of a house, her greed will not be stopped.

 

[GlassMoon]

but aside from depression you are afraid for developing a kink?
i dont understand the fear for it to be honest.

Maybe there's a fear of becoming addicted to it, and use it as a coping mechanism which isolates further? Also, due to shame it's difficult to talk about it to others. So one can feel really alone and trapped with the situation.

I feel so ashamed to listen to them. It's always the ones where the speaker violates me as I struggle or cry. And it scares me so much that I get off on these. On one hand... It helps me process my past traumatic relationships but on the other... Why would I ever want that? Why do I want so desperately for another girl to violate me and then cuddle me and reassure me everything will be okay and apologize to me.

I think kink can be about being made feel ashamed and humiliated by someone that one trusts. But if the relationship is set up properly, there will be repair afterwards. And that can feel peaceful, because there is no guessing involved. The rules of the relationship are well defined, even though they may differ from other relationships.

And that certainty can feel freeing.

I also have tendencies like that. And I wonder why I'd want anyone to do this to me, and why I still want it.

 

[sulkygirl]

sorry this might be really insensitive for me to ask and ill will blame my autism for it.

but aside from depression you are afraid for developing a kink?
i dont understand the fear for it to be honest.

No worries, I'm also autistic so I understand. It's certainly a good question but the answer is kind of hard to put into words.

It scares me because being violated is scary. And thus wanting something like that to happen to me is scary. There's nothing wrong with most kinks, but it's when I want to actually be hurt in real life too that it crosses a line. I wish my ex would come back, hold me down, violate me, make me cry, apologize and cuddle me after, and be reassure me that it'll all okay. Toxic love is still love and would make me feel a little less alone than I do right now.

 

[Aflame5926]

No worries, I'm also autistic so I understand. It's certainly a good question but the answer is kind of hard to put into words.

It scares me because being violated is scary. And thus wanting something like that to happen to me is scary. There's nothing wrong with most kinks, but it's when I want to actually be hurt in real life too that it crosses a line. I wish my ex would come back, hold me down, violate me, make me cry, apologize and cuddle me after, and be reassure me that it'll all okay. Toxic love is still love and would make me feel a little less alone than I do right now.

Eyo i sent you a DM with a thread from somebody else.

it might be not relevant for you but atleast i see a relationship there.
somehow i dont think this is something this is something you should be afraid of.

the only thing is actually having a good partner that you need to find.

im not a good choice for giving advice. but i dont think denying fetish and kinks will help you in the long run.

much hugs tho

 

[sulkygirl]

but i dont think denying fetish and kinks will help you in the long run.

Yeah, but then again I cry like every time I listen to one so I feel like it's not healthy for me overall

I don't know what the solution is