Why did I destroyed my life?

[Candleburn]

My life sucks and it's all my fault. My life could have been great but I over and over made the wrong choices. I'm now 35 and cant live with the results, which mean I have to die.

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm 41 years old from Indonesia. I also feel the same.

 

[uzuf86]

Same here. I kept doing mistakes while I was doing them and never gave them a second thought. Now years later, after everything poked me back with the power of a thousand knives, I am just finally defeated and ready to ctb. I tried to fix things but sadly it's all too late for me.

 

[theboy]

what did you do?

 

[offtoseethewizard]

I'm in the same headspace. It's awful and I'm sorry you're going through it.

I wasted my 20s on drugs and now my brain is completely ruined. And I have no ability to change now.

Regret is the worst pain imaginable

 

[tbroken]

I almost did the same, but it was not my fault.
My father is an assh** who believes in others promises and stuff and likes to help other people(with my mother's money) and he caused a lot of trouble. I'm also stuck in the worst place on earth.
I did also some jobs, but i'm not completely proud of my self.
I wanted to be a soldier/Engineer, not this piece of shi* i am

 

[Ephemeron]

I'm in the same headspace. It's awful and I'm sorry you're going through it.

I wasted my 20s on drugs and now my brain is completely ruined. And I have no ability to change now.

Regret is the worst pain imaginable

Unfortunately I know very well what you're talking about. People who made something of themselves, a career, family, etc. will tell you "it's never too late" haha I can't wait to be dead.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's almost impossible to routinely make the right choices in this world. Especially these days. Things keep getting more shitty and complicated by the year. Most people that are living good lives are doing so purely through luck. Such as the luck of being born into the right family free of disorders or the luck of being in the right place at the right time, etc.

 

[juna]

I feel everyone at some point made a wrong choice in their lives. Some of them work hard and fight hard and recover from the mistake while some struggle. I made the biggest mistake of my life liking a guy who never liked me, I will never forgive him. I have no other regrets. I had always done everything right.

 

[underthedatetree]

biggest, massive, ginormous, infinite mood. the literal story of my life. the guilt is unbearable.

 

[tbroken]

It's almost impossible to routinely make the right choices in this world. Especially these days. Things keep getting more shitty and complicated by the year. Most people that are living good lives are doing so purely through luck. Such as the luck of being born into the right family free of disorders or the luck of being in the right place at the right time, etc.

With the right choices you can still obtain stuff anyway. I was simply freaking unlucky.

 

[Untimely]

That's how I feel. Eventually there are too many mistakes that build up

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Same here - got into a sequence of traps.

 

[ringo99]

36 here and I feel exactly the same. For me it was a combination of multiple factors

 

[surroundedbydemons]

Unfortunately I know very well what you're talking about. People who made something of themselves, a career, family, etc. will tell you "it's never too late" haha I can't wait to be dead.

True... Sometimes I feel extreme anger when those people tell me that. But I have become so good at dissociating that I always respond with, "Yeah, you are actually right. Thank you for the kind words".

However, another part of my brain thinks that they might be right that it is not too late to literally restart your life. But the pain from the accumulated mistakes can be too extreme to be worth living with.

 

[tbroken]

True... Sometimes I feel extreme anger when those people tell me that. But I have become so good at dissociating that I always respond with, "Yeah, you are actually right. Thank you for the kind words".

However, another part of my brain thinks that they might be right that it is not too late to literally restart your life. But the pain from the accumulated mistakes can be too sharp to be worth living with.

True. In my case it was not even my fault, but mfs that dragged me down with them. I had narcisistic ppl both inside and outside my family, that destroyed my development and my self esteem. Funny thing is that they are even extremely depressed people, i feel like god did not love me enough. I was trapped, i'm trapped again, i want to go and I want to go now.

 

[sundress]

The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest

 

[Dark Window]

You are born without wisdom and only gain it through experience.

 

[Silent_cries]

I'm only in my 20s, and I'm already in the same boat as you. How sad :( I feel you though. Wish I was grateful for what I had back then, even if it was far from perfect. If only I realized what I was throwing away. I was so darn naive back then, that ctb is my only option now. I should've never been born. It was a huge mistake.

 

[Olisop21.]

My life sucks and it's all my fault. My life could have been great but I over and over made the wrong choices. I'm now 35 and cant live with the results, which mean I have to die.

I feel the same. Only twice your age.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

From today's point of view I also made wrong decisions and the result is that I have to consider CTB.

 

[tbroken]

My life sucks and it's all my fault. My life could have been great but I over and over made the wrong choices. I'm now 35 and cant live with the results, which mean I have to die.

Are them career choices or what?

 

[Silent_cries]

I feel the same. Only twice your age.

You're 70? I mean, nothing wrong with that, I just don't usually see people that age on forums like these that often. Makes me wonder how you even made it to your 70s, that must've been rough. I don't even see myself make it to my 30s. Hell, I might ctb today in fact.

 

[Olisop21.]

You're 70? I mean, nothing wrong with that, I just don't usually see people that age on forums like these that often. Makes me wonder how you even made it to your 70s, that must've been rough. I don't even see myself make it to my 30s. Hell, I might ctb today in fact.

Not quite but close. 68. I'd like to ctb right now.

 

[Silent_cries]

Not quite but close. 68. I'd like to ctb right now.

I feel you. It's beyond me how you managed hang on for 68 years though. Was it the SI? Did you actually have good moments in your life? Either way I hope you find peace one day. Don't know your plans, but good luck with your eventual ctb if ur planning too. Ik it's a struggle. It rly is.

 

[Olisop21.]

I feel you. It's beyond me how you managed hang on for 68 years though. Was it the SI? Did you actually have good moments in your life? Either way I hope you find peace one day. Don't know your plans, but good luck with your eventual ctb if ur planning too. Ik it's a struggle. It rly is.

Thank you, I have a plan and am practicing continuously. SI is what's keeping me here. Trying to visualize what it will be like after I catch the bus.

 

[Silent_cries]

Thank you, I have a plan and am practicing continuously. SI is what's keeping me here. Trying to visualize what it will be like after I catch the bus.

Working on overcoming my SI myself. Personally I found that I can use my own curiousness to advantage. It all comes down to finding what works best for overcoming the SI for you. Wether it's taking advantage of one of your personality traits, or using your own trauma against yourself or anything else for that matter. I'm sure you'll get there eventually if it's what you rly desire. Good luck once again :D

 

[Candleburn]

I feel everyone at some point made a wrong choice in their lives. Some of them work hard and fight hard and recover from the mistake while some struggle. I made the biggest mistake of my life liking a guy who never liked me, I will never forgive him. I have no other regrets. I had always done everything right.

Your post is truly annoying and judgmental. What are u doing here if liking the wrong guy is your worste problem?

 

[juna]

Your post is truly annoying and judgmental. What are u doing here if liking the wrong guy is your worste problem?

I am so sorry if I said something wrong. I was only talking about the biggest mistake I made in life, sometimes its not us who makes the mistake. We suffer from other people's mistakes too.

I am so sorry if I said something wrong. I was only talking about the biggest mistake I made in life, sometimes its not us who makes the mistake. We suffer from other people's mistakes too.

Also, Just wanted to mention heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences. A lot of people kill themselves over this too

 

[Candleburn]

I am so sorry if I said something wrong. I was only talking about the biggest mistake I made in life, sometimes its not us who makes the mistake. We suffer from other people's mistakes too.

Also, Just wanted to mention heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences. A lot of people kill themselves over this too

Hearthbreak is a normal event in life that moste people have an ability to get over.