anotherlastchance
Your never not you
- Feb 3, 2024
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NeverReallyHere
Member
- Mar 15, 2021
- 88
offtoseethewizard
Student
- Aug 19, 2023
- 113
All of them. But the one that did the most damage was ecstasy/MDMA. I did 1 or 2 thousand of them. Was completely addicted
The last few weeks, I have been reflecting on 'what ifs', mulling over the mistakes I made, how I failed myself over and over again and at one point, some bitterness and self pity tried to creep in as well which I managed to shut out and lock the door on.
I have been thinking a lot and to be honest, set a date for my ending - but promised myself that I will live life to be the best till that date to keep everyone distracted and there is a possibility (as always) that I will live beyond that date as a premature date will result in suffering from those dependent on me.
But forgiveness - especially forgiving myself has been important and I struggle with this. As I read through like minded people's comments on this chat, I felt so sad. We are so consumed by our mistakes - but everyone single person makes mistakes. Some have the strength to Wight those mistakes, some have the wealth or access to influence, power etc to get the help in etc. To make a decision to end our lives is a very personal decision and one that I cannot comment on given how I am already planing my own end. But I wish, hope, think and feel that we need to be (or try to be) kind, living and compassionate towards ourselves - every single one of us here deserve our own self respect and love regardless of how much we messed up.
I am aware that people will disagree with what I have said and that is okay. I thought several times before posting this, but just still hoped that you will read this and perhaps go easier on yourself (even if it is for a few minutes). You matter, I matter and we all matter.
I have been thinking a lot and to be honest, set a date for my ending - but promised myself that I will live life to be the best till that date to keep everyone distracted and there is a possibility (as always) that I will live beyond that date as a premature date will result in suffering from those dependent on me.
But forgiveness - especially forgiving myself has been important and I struggle with this. As I read through like minded people's comments on this chat, I felt so sad. We are so consumed by our mistakes - but everyone single person makes mistakes. Some have the strength to Wight those mistakes, some have the wealth or access to influence, power etc to get the help in etc. To make a decision to end our lives is a very personal decision and one that I cannot comment on given how I am already planing my own end. But I wish, hope, think and feel that we need to be (or try to be) kind, living and compassionate towards ourselves - every single one of us here deserve our own self respect and love regardless of how much we messed up.
I am aware that people will disagree with what I have said and that is okay. I thought several times before posting this, but just still hoped that you will read this and perhaps go easier on yourself (even if it is for a few minutes). You matter, I matter and we all matter.
I feel completely the same im 36. I had a good life and then my world crashed and burned during one bad year. Mostly everything I worked hard for gone.
I am almost 35 and am 100% in the same boat- life will just pass you by if you let it. I think that one of my biggest delusions in my 20's is that life would magically "get better" over time - it doesn't.
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