Why are you still alive?

[deadverysoon]

Because I have to do things before I go.

can relate to that - but its all done now.

just one last thing i want to do.

 

[Freedom Believer]

Because I couldn't find a method that would be reliable or find a reliable seller for N. Though with the high praise of D for the speed of delivery and response, I'm confident that when the time comes, I can leave.

 

[cloudnone]

Why? I guess if I had to put a finger on it, there's a tiny part of me that's still holding on to hope that I can be with my love, that she'll even give me just one day. Maybe if I become a better man, maybe if the universe decides to finally do something nice for me after kicking the shit out of me for 23 years, maybe one nice thing.

If that hope is crushed, I don't doubt that I'll be done.

 

[8evergo]

cloudnone@ du kannst auch deine liebe finden bei einer CTB Partner soll final u das schönste sein was ich gehört habe

 

[Death is beautiful]

because I'm a fucking wimp

 

[8evergo]

zusammen zu sterben kann doch auch schon sein

 

[Bookscover]

Don't get me wrong, it's not a critique as "why haven't you ctb already". I think one should do it only after being 1000% sure that is what you want.

My SN just arrived and I have a backpack with SN, meto, benzos and a champagne glass (last drink, better make it fancy). So, I literally could go at any time. And it made me wonder, why am I still here then?

For me, the answer is guilt. Guilt is the only thing keeping me alive. Guilt for causing such pain in my loved ones.

I'm curious, why are you still alive?

Fear of actually going through your method, fear of the afterlife, hope things get better, practical things as not having all your needed implements? I hear you

Almost like I'm indifferent to it. There's still days where I feel like absolute shit but I just distract myself and It's fine.

Psychedelics may have made me this way.

 

[stellabelle]

Don't get me wrong, it's not a critique as "why haven't you ctb already". I think one should do it only after being 1000% sure that is what you want.

My SN just arrived and I have a backpack with SN, meto, benzos and a champagne glass (last drink, better make it fancy). So, I literally could go at any time. And it made me wonder, why am I still here then?

For me, the answer is guilt. Guilt is the only thing keeping me alive. Guilt for causing such pain in my loved ones.

I'm curious, why are you still alive?

Fear of actually going through your method, fear of the afterlife, hope things get better, practical things as not having all your needed implements? I hear you

Unfortunately they didn't just pull life support and medicate allowing a peaceful exit. They resuscitated. And pretended to care. They escalated that much and still no matter what I did, continued the abuse and the stupid little game "are u ok" - dude I said leave me alone and don't bother me and you kept being a persistent bastard and stole from me. Nothing I could do short of serious physical harm? Good god, the attention seeking crap, you just want privacy and a place to be and happiness, not oppressive destructive crap and ignorance and bribes and bullshit.

 

[odradek]

Mostly just fear pain and of failure resulting in injury or disability. Maybe guilt for the mess I'll leave behind as well.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

Hope is a bastard. I keep holding onto hope that things will get better. And that means that I haven't gotten serious about actually following through on it. But, I mean, if I was ready to rumble I'd do it right now, and this isn't the first time I've felt like that, so I guess that it's time to scrape it together enough to ctb.

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

SI, fear, I don't want to traumatize my little brother and I can't afford SN because i'm NEET.

 

[Tempest]

I want to see the results of a competition that finishes this weekend. After that, I can go whenever I'm ready. I have all the materials. Might finish the books I'm reading, might decide it isn't important.

 

[lostdog661]

My best friend Christina. But sometimes I doubt that she really means it, and I have told my self if she is lying then I am done. She has already been highly dismissive. I am preparing for the end either way.

 

[wannabesetfree]

Because I can't afford N. I wish there were other reasons but right now sadly there aren't. Maybe it'll change in the future?

 

[cursedcorpse]

I used to fantasize how I would end my life. Ever since my brother killed himself, I no longer have the escape in my mind as an option. I'm alive because I know the impact it leaves on loved ones. I'm still alive because there are times where it's enjoyable but for the most part I just can't do that to the people I love and those who love me.

 

[blueclover_.]

SI. And i still can't get all the resources needed to ctb.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I am So sick of this question, it's been asked so many times!!!

 

[Rational man]

Physical pain not intensified enough to resort to plan C. All my affairs sorted out if i died today so thats good. In my case, its a race between being killed by the disease or have the physical strength to catch my flight. Plan C looking more of a possibility.

 

[sorryforthat]

because I do not have access to certain painless fast suicide methods.

 

[Conker]

Physical pain not intensified enough to resort to plan C. All my affairs sorted out if i died today so thats good. In my case, its a race between being killed by the disease or have the physical strength to catch my flight. Plan C looking more of a possibility.

I am aware about some treatments off the beaten path, that could potentially cure or make said physical pain a lot more bearable

If you are interested then let me know and I will gladly share this info with you.

 

[Makko]

I am aware about some treatments off the beaten path, that could potentially cure or make said physical pain a lot more bearable

If you are interested then let me know and I will gladly share this info with you.

attachment: chonk.jpg

 

[gumus]

Don't get me wrong, it's not a critique as "why haven't you ctb already". I think one should do it only after being 1000% sure that is what you want.

My SN just arrived and I have a backpack with SN, meto, benzos and a champagne glass (last drink, better make it fancy). So, I literally could go at any time. And it made me wonder, why am I still here then?

For me, the answer is guilt. Guilt is the only thing keeping me alive. Guilt for causing such pain in my loved ones.

I'm curious, why are you still alive?

Fear of actually going through your method, fear of the afterlife, hope things get better, practical things as not having all your needed implements? I hear you

i need to be mentally exhausted to ctb
i cant do that with a sane mind , im waiting for the right moment

 

[motel rooms]

 

[Bärchen]

No decent methodes avaible here

 

[whywouldanyonedodrug]

I still have a tiny, although false hope of getting my family back. It's almost gone now, just as everything else - my health, finances and psychological strength. It does keep me from doing the last thing I'll ever do. I have everything prepared otherwise.

 

[Kennish]

Waiting for money to get N. Everyday is fucking awful. Just want out.

 

[RN12]

I don't want to hurt or leave my family or the wonderful life I had before I got sick.

I'm also terrifyed of failing/surviving and being much worse off.

hilst I mourn my life and health I could handle leaving it if it would end my suffering and not cause anyone else to hurt so bad! If I knew, 100% that my 'peaceful' method would work it would be a blessing.

I also worry that just maybe I might get better and have wasted myself, hurting others in the process.

Then there is the fear of partial recovery making life mildly better but really not much, however dimminishing the strength/motivating factors to go through with it.

this is exactly my story! i couldn't have written better