Why are you still alive?

[ketchup sandwich]

spite, narcissism & the fear of devastating my sister

 

[jimtheg]

I'm worried how it will affect my mum. She already worries so much about me and she has some of my debt that if I died she would be responsible. I have a death I. Service benefit with work but I'm skeptical that it will pay out for some reason. I'm also worried that another friend I care deeply for would also blame themselves because they have shut me out because of their depression (they cyclically shut people out) and we are very close and I worry that if I ctb then it will push them over the edge.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I have not yet acquired an apartment to hang myself in. I don't want to do it at home since family is almost always home, and I also don't feel like having them wake up to my hanging corpse.

 

[MountKecske]

(false) hope

 

[LostSoul1609]

Waiting for the cold season and the courage to do it.
Unfortunately I'll jump under a train since SN isn't available anymore where I live

 

[BrokenLine]

1) Fear of surviving and waking up to my life again in a worse condition.
2) The (false) hope things will get better, they never do.
3) And honestly knowing I'm broken and those problems cant be fixed. Look a 2.

 

[lotus11]

Mostly survival instinct, also guilt towards my parents who are still alive

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

Until recently, my passion and dream of a music career that I believe I was meant to persue but didn't.

Guilt and duty to my family.

Deluding myself into thinking it can get better one day.

Feeling I should be stronger.

 

[CountOfTuscany]

USPS lost my package with the Metoclopramide so I don't have it yet.

Dumbasses.

 

[meetapple]

I don't like the process of taking care of my affairs and writing suicide notes. I am also physically healthy which makes me feel guilty that I am throwing it away.

 

[Flippy]

I can occasionally play a psychological trick or two on myself. Currently, it's "live each day as if it's your last, one day you will surely be right." Sadly I'm not exactly maximising each day due to the fact that most of what I need to get done for the people I care about requires physical effort. My body just can't extract the energy it used to and the pain has me shattered for up to a week. I'm like that old laptop you have that you fear becoming disconnected from the mains because it shuts down after 10 minutes.

I also need to get things done as I doubt the people I care about will be able to get things straight without me, not without paying a lot of money. So I want to leave them with the best circumstances I can. My mind has the will right now but my body is a disaster. I have this urge sometimes to "step out of it" like it was a suit I'm wearing. And no, my dear "professional", that doesn't mean it's psychological.

 

[doesntevenmatter]

I am a coward.

 

[notfailingagain]

Because I have not killed myself

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I'm a coward but I'm about to attempt soon for the first time

 

[Numbtopain97]

survival instinct

 

[Hurt]

That's a question I ask myself everyday.

 

[coffee]

Trying to have some fun before I say hi to the devil.

 

[Trueform]

Because I cant get my hands on a gun, my suicide instinct is too big to go for SN or other stuff.

 

[borderlineinchaos]

Because I am afraid of harming my partner and my family. I am also afraid that it will hurt. :(

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

Need to wait until January 1st for insurance to cover suicide.

 

[hopelessgirl]

finding ideal method

 

[fox_wannabe]

family... but I am afraid I do not care anymore I am fed up.

 

[Dot]

Fear. Both fear that won't work and fear that will work.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

My work contract ends in December. If they do not renew it then I am just going to CTB. If I lose my job then I have no further energy or motivation to find a new one. Don't have savings just debt. Dying is better than becoming homeless.

A shitty end to a shitty life.

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

I've already messed up one time. This time I'm choosing the SN method. But the thing is that I experience a sudden vomiting sensation so I'm scared that I'll throw up the SN. That's the only reason I'm still alive. I should've gone on 2nd February 2021.

 

[arainydancer]

Was gonna jump off a building last November but I didn't because I was too curious to see what life would give me and if it'll be better than before, turns up I was going to lose a dear friend of mine because I was a freak, but was pretty jolly in life until I lost another one for the same reason just recently, plus at the brink of unemployment, and destitute. I'm not sure why I haven't done it either, I guess I just don't want to hang myself in my own room. Wonder if there's a decent place I could do it at without making it so that my family is the first people to find my corpse?

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Getting my affairs in order before I go. Survival instinct might get in the way though

 

[needingpeace24]

I've been so mentally fucked for months I couldn't even accept circumstances. Of course I made things worse, so it all brings me here.

 

[8evergo]

noch nicht denn CTB Partner Gefunden die breit ist zusammen die Welt zu verlassen

 

[MeltedJello]

Failed partial 2 months ago, almost passed out, but survival instinct stopped me. Full suspension will hopefully be my next, & last attempt. Just waiting for the perfect chance to ctb.