Why are you still alive?

[migimortis]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

 

[moya117]

I don't really care about my loved ones grief but I care if I somehow failed and that's my biggest fear, also I'm a coward that used to be brainwashed that God will throw me to hell if I commit and I somehow and sometimes believe that. I don't know, if god exist, is he really a good guy?

 

[PhilosopherInAV0id]

I can't handle the pain. I know it would probably be short, depending on the method, but the pain is a major factor that kicks my procrastination into overdrive. I keep wanting to find a painless method. Plus, whenever I get down enough to the point to consider it, something usually takes my attention long enough for me to forget.

 

[Zero Two]

I love this question. Tbh I'm here for my mom and dad. Im their youngest kid and they're older (in their 60s). Im also a well known Catholic singer and I cannot let the people who see me as a role model down. I am in severe mental and physical pain but i haven't ctb because of my family, my partner, and the people who look up to me in church.

 

[Achromatix]

I'm alive because I'm a coward too. I'm scared of the hospital stay if I fuck it up. I'm scared of making my life worse if I can't die right. But the loneliness hurts so bad. I try to ctb but mess it up again. Then I'm afraid to try again and the cycle repeats. I hope you find some comfort you aren't alone <3

 

[migimortis]

After reading everyones replies, I've realized part of the reason I'm still alive is because of guilt. I wish I had none, but I'm in denial. I know I'm going to hurt a handful of people, very, very badly, and the guilt is eating me up inside. But I can't take it anymore. I've been altruistic for long enough. If you love someone, let them rest.

 

[quinnnnnxo]

I don't want to leave my cat, my parents and my best friend. Plus, I'm afraid of failing, pain and I can't find a reliable method for myself

 

[_Hera_1]

I'm only waiting till my youngest is an adult, that way I can leave my children with some money and a decent upbringing. I know exactly what I'm going to do and how. I've fought with this long enough; I'm 38 years old, I've been deeply depressed and abused for as long as i can remember, regrettably passing on that chemical imbalance, mindset, or what have you to my firstborn who hanged himself 7 years ago. I've been through enough trauma for 10 lifetimes, I'm currently going into paramedic work to try and help humanity for a bit, then I'll take my leave. I want to go 'peacefully' and I'll hold out hope that the US will allow it in 10 years time. Otherwise it'll be out in the forest with a gun for me.

 

[migimortis]

I'm only waiting till my youngest is an adult, that way I can leave my children with some money and a decent upbringing. I know exactly what I'm going to do and how. I've fought with this long enough; I'm 38 years old, I've been deeply depressed and abused for as long as i can remember, regrettably passing on that chemical imbalance, mindset, or what have you to my firstborn who hanged himself 7 years ago. I've been through enough trauma for 10 lifetimes, I'm currently going into paramedic work to try and help humanity for a bit, then I'll take my leave. I want to go 'peacefully' and I'll hold out hope that the US will allow it in 10 years time. Otherwise it'll be out in the forest with a gun for me.

Very admirable, I hope you find the peace you deserve

 

[Callmeswerve]

Mostly, what's stopping me is the fear of failing, I don't want the people around me to know how depressed / suicidal I am I guess. Also if I fail and I have permeant damage, I don't want to have to rely on anyone for the rest of my life.

 

[TimetoGo!]

The sensation I get in my body as I am seconds away from death is terrifying. I think I might have to try a different method, but I don't know if I have the energy to go out and jump off a bridge or something.

Which method are you using?

 

[Oguzok]

I have a bunch of pets and I know that no one in my family will take care of them except me...and well, I'm a little scared of the unknown of death

 

[Quiet_Cricket]

There is someone I can't leave behind.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm just kind of stupid and lazy and incompetent which is why I need to die in the first place but these flaws are also preventing me properly carrying out my death plans.

 

[violetskies]

the fear of failing but also the guilt of leaving my loved ones behind

 

[lament.]

Which method are you using?

Partial hanging.

 

[SilentSuicidal]

For family, I'm a burden already. I don't want to ruin them financially since we're already struggling, I don't want to traumatize them.

 

[Sour&Sweet]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

The fear of hurting a certain few of my loved ones. Im gonna try to withdraw as much as possible to ensure that they do not feel the pain from my death as they would now.

 

[depressedpharma]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

For me it is an innate desire to romanticise my final days. Romanticise filling my final days with the things I love and cherish. Things that if they wholly composed my life I would actually want to live. Sadly the real world does not compare to that ideal and honestly due to that I plan to CTB.

 

[mob]

Because there's still certain things I want to experience before I go.

 

[picklealex]

Why are you still alive? Is it fear? Not wanting to hurt loved ones? Not knowing how to ctb? The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm a coward. I should've killed myself years ago. Sure family may be upset but they are upset over me being a failure anyway. I'm alive because I'm weak. I'm not living, I'm simply holding on.

Why are you still alive?

can't find a method, can't get the supplies and time when I'm alone. also because since of the last attempt I've gotten so unmotivated. can't even get out of my bed lol

 

[SorrowfulDrugUser]

Honest to god I couldn't tell ya. My parents and peers put me through absolute misery each and every day. It's funny, just about each day I fantasize at least one time about ending my life. I don't think I'd feel an ounce of guilt either, not after what I've been through. There will be a few limited people I'll think about, but it wouldn't be enough to hold me back. So what is holding me back from CTB? Drugs, pretty much just drugs. I plan on ending my life on my birthday via opiate overdose. Not that I do opiates recreationally, but I'll just buy a fuck ton of clean Fentanyl and get to snorting. Either that, or I'll just go out via shotgun blast. I can't imagine any scenario with both situations where the paramedics or peers could possibly save me, especially with the time it would take for an ambulance to reach my house. In the meantime I've just been enjoying my final days with my Psychedelics, Dissociates, Stimulants, and Weed. Feel free to call me a junkie for saying this, but it's really been the only thing that's kept me going for as long as I have. As long as you don't go apeshit with the drugs, recreational use can be a net positive.

 

[turbomightbegone]

I don't fucking know. I have a lot of moodswings,, one moment I could be completely fine and the next minute I could be trying to stab myself,, it all depends,, although I suspect that my friends' existence help me stay here too. I wouldn't want to hurt them,, PLUS I'm a fucking coward and I'm very sensitive to pain… the only options I have are mainly the ones that cause a lot of agony,, plus they're not even reliable… so ig I'll stay here for the time being

 

[Katdogg]

I don't want to leave my wife to struggle on her own. ( she's 2000 miles away caring for her elderly parents)

I have two cats and two dogs and i would need to rehome them or drop them off at the humane society.

I'm afraid of failing and being worse off than before.

I live out in a rural area, I've had to put a couple dogs down with a gun. I saw myself in their deaths ... like thats how my body might react.

Need to buy the hollow points ...

 

[wildbluekiss]

not skinny enough to die. taking aside my eating disorder, it takes too much effort to die right fucking now. i don't even have the energy to live, and now death can't automatically bring itself upon me? you must be fucking joking. but i'll certainly will do it someday anyway if everything is prepared already. i exist not to live a life. i exist to die.

 

[Katdogg]

Honest to god I couldn't tell ya. My parents and peers put me through absolute misery each and every day. It's funny, just about each day I fantasize at least one time about ending my life. I don't think I'd feel an ounce of guilt either, not after what I've been through. There will be a few limited people I'll think about, but it wouldn't be enough to hold me back. So what is holding me back from CTB? Drugs, pretty much just drugs. I plan on ending my life on my birthday via opiate overdose. Not that I do opiates recreationally, but I'll just buy a fuck ton of clean Fentanyl and get to snorting. Either that, or I'll just go out via shotgun blast. I can't imagine any scenario with both situations where the paramedics or peers could possibly save me, especially with the time it would take for an ambulance to reach my house. In the meantime I've just been enjoying my final days with my Psychedelics, Dissociates, Stimulants, and Weed. Feel free to call me a junkie for saying this, but it's really been the only thing that's kept me going for as long as I have. As long as you don't go apeshit with the drugs, recreational use can be a net positive.

You're not a junkie unless you are robbing and stealing for your habit. Functional addictions have helped me cope for many years. ( recently clean for 3 months) I was thinking of Fent as a way out, but I hear it is hard to find it uncut?

 

[migimortis]

I don't fucking know. I have a lot of moodswings,, one moment I could be completely fine and the next minute I could be trying to stab myself,, it all depends,, although I suspect that my friends' existence help me stay here too. I wouldn't want to hurt them,, PLUS I'm a fucking coward and I'm very sensitive to pain… the only options I have are mainly the ones that cause a lot of agony,, plus they're not even reliable… so ig I'll stay here for the time being

Same here. One minute I'm ready the next I'm not so sure, one minute I'm crying the next minute I'm angry. I hoped meeting people may help but I also don't want the guilt of knowing my death hurt people, so I don't even know if making friends is a good idea. Ontop of all that I'm a coward so I'm stuck here anyways. Moodswings make it hard to have confidence in making a decision.

Because we exist in this hellish anti-suicide society where we are denied the option of a peaceful and guaranteed way to die in peace, it's disgusting how humans make suicide into such an unnecessary struggle. As well as suicide methods being inaccessible in general, I'd also fear trying to die going wrong and leading to way more suffering as a result, the thought of a suicide attempt failing terrifies me.

Have you considered going to a country that has legalized assisted suicide? I'm sure there you could get the ending you desire.

I lost my mental strength.

Each time i tried to die people have intervened or my methods failed, i tried a shotgun and hanging both failed.

Im currently sourcing N, unfortunately it seems i may have to physically persuade a certain entity to you know, give it up. Polypropylene is nice

But we will cross that bridge in time

I'm genuinely curious, how did the shotgun attempt fail? I'd assume getting shot with a shotgun would succeed in death?

 

[migimortis]

The sensation I get in my body as I am seconds away from death is terrifying. I think I might have to try a different method, but I don't know if I have the energy to go out and jump off a bridge or something.

What is this sensation you are talking about? Is it a sensation caused by the method you are using?

 

[letmeoutofthis]

I dont even know anymore I think Im not gonna make it past 25, its a living nightmare

 

[kuchenn1238]

long distance girlfriend is planning on moving here soon, that's honestly all i'm alive for

 

[Unattainable666]

Because I've been too much of a chicken shit until now. When you hit rock bottom ctbing comes easier
Because I've been too much of a chicken shit until now. When you hit rock bottom ctbing comes easier
Because I've been too much of a chicken shit until now. When you hit rock bottom ctbing comes easier
Because I've been too much of a chicken shit until now. When you hit rock bottom ctbing comes easier
Because I've been too much of a chicken shit until now. When you hit rock bottom ctbing comes easier
Because I've been too much of a chicken shit until now. When you hit rock bottom ctbing comes easier