i need to tell my sister about my urges. after over a decade of this shit, we "agreed" that i would tell someone in the "family" when im having urges that i may (i will for sure, they just like to think they can help and do something about it) act on. it's been a year since i self harmed, with them actually knowing about it.
now when i tell my sister in a couple hours, im trying to choose between 2 reasons -
1. i just want to. literally say nothing else no matter how many times she tries to ask what's going on, etc. just make it sound like a want, not even a need.
2. tell her that i need to sh to be able to get work done. (i'm supposed to be applying for jobs but haven't been able to do absolutely anything) while this likely won't be true this time bcs my inability to do anything has to do with every single thing in my existence so sh won't do any fucking thing. so this would, after i relapse, put me in the position of "you relapsed and nothing is better" and they'll try to come up with some shit around that, about how they should never believe me when i say that again, etc.
the first option seems better to me, esp bcs i wont say anything else. no matter what they ask me, ill say idk i just want to. but idk. it's always shitty. no amount of planning will make this less shitty than it's gonna be. add to that the fact that i'm telling my sister (who lives in a different continent) and not one of my parents but again fuck all of them this is going to be so shit so there's no point. i'd just like to know if either of these options sounds better than the other (or if someone has any other reasons i could say that would be great too lol).
now when i tell my sister in a couple hours, im trying to choose between 2 reasons -
1. i just want to. literally say nothing else no matter how many times she tries to ask what's going on, etc. just make it sound like a want, not even a need.
2. tell her that i need to sh to be able to get work done. (i'm supposed to be applying for jobs but haven't been able to do absolutely anything) while this likely won't be true this time bcs my inability to do anything has to do with every single thing in my existence so sh won't do any fucking thing. so this would, after i relapse, put me in the position of "you relapsed and nothing is better" and they'll try to come up with some shit around that, about how they should never believe me when i say that again, etc.
the first option seems better to me, esp bcs i wont say anything else. no matter what they ask me, ill say idk i just want to. but idk. it's always shitty. no amount of planning will make this less shitty than it's gonna be. add to that the fact that i'm telling my sister (who lives in a different continent) and not one of my parents but again fuck all of them this is going to be so shit so there's no point. i'd just like to know if either of these options sounds better than the other (or if someone has any other reasons i could say that would be great too lol).
