Discussion When is it right to express that you are suicidal?

[ikiruNObungaku]

I'm curious to what everyone thinks about this. I have been thinking about it a lot and I am not sure what to feel. It varies by situation, so I wonder what situations you guys think it would be ok. I was thinking about some specific situations myself, and these are my questions:

What about parents that express to their children that they are suicidal? Do you think it is irresponsible for the parent to do that, or it should be known?
Do you think it is wrong to let your friends know that you are suicidal?
Do you think suicidal people have a responsibility to never express that they are suicidal themselves?

Maybe some of you might have experience and would like to share. I think depending on how people think, or how they might have received reactions, their opinions can vary widely. Maybe to you, it helps, or maybe to you, it does no good. I like to hear experiences.

 

[spellbound]

It's different for everyone of course, but the rules I've been following are these:

- You should tell someone if you believe they would be genuinely devastated when you're gone (close friends, maybe siblings)

With the following exceptions:

- You shouldn't tell someone if you believe they will actively sabotage your suicide plans (in most people's cases, parents, as well as therapists, and sometimes friends)
- You shouldn't tell someone if you believe telling them could crush them mentally (your children, depending on their age and mental stability, as well as anyone close to you that might be vulnerable)

Obviously, this is only my philosophy, which aims to minimise damage to both yourself and others while still keeping it fair to those you love. Also, these are all based on what you believe of those you know, but you can always be surprised. Maybe the friend you thought was safe decide to let your parents know or something, so always be careful.
Also, I definitely don't think suicidal people have a responsibility to never express themselves. Personally (and that's only me) I believe I have a responsibility to let those I love know. I do believe tho that if a suicidal person decides to not let anyone know it's entirely their right.

 

[projeccao]

Hello!

This thread and your questions are very interesting. I can give you my point on view on these things since I experienced each one of them!

What about parents that express to their children that they are suicidal? Do you think it is irresponsible for the parent to do that, or it should be known?

I (children) did experience my mom's wish to suicide. Fortunatly I'm a grown man.
To answer this question, I believe it depends on the childrens age and the situation. As long as son/daughter is grown up, I think it's okay to talk about it.
Parents are allowed to struggle... And if the childrens can help, then it's their own duty to do so.

The only thing that I'would not agree on is if parents would use suicide as a threat like my mom did. That's pretty fcked up and irresponsible.

Do you think it is wrong to let your friends know that you are suicidal?

It depends. If you are really going to do it, then don't say anything. It has no use to tell them. Just write a letter for them to read once you're gone.
If you're not sure about it, then talk to them, that's what REAL friends are made for.

I did the mistake to talk about suicide and even tried to do it after letting people know, guess what? Now you're on the radar. It makes it more difficult to do since they know what you might end up doing.

Do you think suicidal people have a responsibility to never express that they are suicidal themselves?

No responsibility at all. everybody should have their own right on their own life. Simple as that.
If one feels suicidal and don't want to, isn't sure, then he shall talk to someone trusted that he thinks will understand.

 

[Redacted24]

I think it's very situation dependent, and is a topic handled with discretion and gently even if you're talking with someone you know that is caring and kind.

Coming right out and telling someone that you're thinking of taking your own life is likely going to put them on their heels because they lack the ability to process that information.

But by gently easing them into your feelings, into the depth of feeling, would help them with context and to prepare to hear the full truth.

You might consider saying that you've been feeling low emotionally and beginning to have doubts about your future.

That's a conversation that many people can grasp because everyone feels down sometimes and has doubts. They'll be better able to relate.

But then, what is it that you are hoping for? Are you looking for empathy and support? Asking them to help find resources for you to use to get through? Seeking validation of your situation?

I think that expressing what you're feeling is okay, and you shouldn't always feel like you cannot. That might be to a trusted friend or a family member, to a spiritual adviser, or especially to a professional. Just be aware that there are lines of responsibility involved when sharing this information. A coworker would feel responsible to let the boss know, especially if they think you're considering a violent act where others could be involved. A therapist has responsibility to inform authorities if you present a clear danger to yourself or others.

All that to say, it's okay to tell others that you're down. To let them know you're hurting. And to look for help. And if they engage with you, gently and with compassion, you can consider telling them more.

Just an opinion...

 

[Off_Switch]

Everyone is different and it seems like your body is going to do whatever feels natural or what your brain dictates.

Seems like in most cases, suicidal people keep their feelings to themselves. But I've heard of many cases where people are very vocal about their desire to die. The kid in this documentary was pretty open about his suicidality before he eventually succumbed:



It's "unfair" for the people around us either way. If we keep our thoughts private, then our survivors are punished with shock and the wonder as to whether they could have helped us. But on the flipside, I can only imagine hearing someone talk about wanting to die all the time is insufferable.

Personally, I am very open about my suicidality, IDGAF. I want my family and closest friends to know why I have to sometimes go long periods without communicating with them, so they don't think they've done something wrong. Also, in a way I feel like I'm giving them a chance to prepare and brace themselves. I think a surprise if the magnitude is extra cruel.

Doesn't seem like there is a right or wrong answer or accepted protocol.

 

[ikiruNObungaku]

Obviously, this is only my philosophy, which aims to minimise damage to both yourself and others while still keeping it fair to those you love.

I think it is my philosophy too to try and minimize the damage to others. Although, I do not really give myself much attention. I feel like, as a suicidal person, there is not much worth that should be placed into me if I am going to die eventually. I see that as more of a waste for the other person. I would like them to prioritize people who are well.

Parents are allowed to struggle... And if the childrens can help, then it's their own duty to do so.

That is interesting, but I am curious. Sorry if I misunderstand, but do you mean that you believe children have a responsibility to help their suicidal parents?

It's "unfair" for the people around us either way. If we keep our thoughts private, then our survivors are punished with shock and the wonder as to whether they could have helped us. But on the flipside, I can only imagine hearing someone talk about wanting to die all the time is insufferable.

I never thought about that. I guess it is unfair for people either way, and that makes me sad to think about. But to me, I think survivors in my case will forget rather quickly, but I can imagine the tough situation for people with loved ones who will think a long time about them.
And listening to someone talk about wanting to die all the time, yes I think people very easily get tired of hearing with that. I am sure it is a very annoying thing. So then I think that is one of the best benefits of me dying. In the end, I suppose the person decides what is right and wrong to their standard.

 

[booplesnoot34]

Only tell people who won't try to "save" you against your will, unless you are okay with being locked up and losing all trust and freedom.
Tell people who understand. Tell people who actually care about you. Tell people who respect your autonomy and will try to help you with your struggles in autonomy-affirming ways.

You are several hundred times more likely to attempt suicide after being involuntarily hospitalized. This is what the limited research we have says. You are ironically much less likely to do it if you don't tell people who will force "help" on you. It should be your choice alone. Telling people may make things worse.

 

[kipper]

When expressing to others that you are suicidal, I feel it depends. I personally rarely do as I don't feel it would help much. I don't want to make someone worry about me when I know I can't promise them I'll stay safe. (But in my particular situation, I have no choice but to not go through with it, so I don't see a point in telling anyone.)

BUT! There are some people I feel I can express this to. The last time I told someone was just to explain why I had been more withdrawn from a friend group. I knew they wouldn't try to welfare check me and knew they wouldn't jump to panic. Although, during times where I had tried to make an attempt, I didn't open up to anyone beforehand including these people about it.

When it comes to parents expressing to their children that they are suicidal... It may be bias from me at a young age witnessing a parent threaten it mixed with my OCD, but I feel all that does is cause significant distress. I do think a parent can be open that they are struggling, but I don't believe it is the responsibility of their children to take it on to that degree. Some support, yes, but the parent should lean the most on someone other than their child.