hmm. i was reading heavy philosophers as a teenager onwards (schopenhaur, nietzsche). i faked happiness when younger as taught, then as a teen stopped pretending to be happy and just was. now im mid 30s. ive always had in mind that non-existance is preferable. favourite writer/joker/philosopher is emil cioran. im an antinatalist. i question how people just spaff out kids with little thought but then realise life just happens, it propogates itself (and in the same vein, it trims the fat or rotten crops, think - darwin). parents were of a generation where "It was expected. its just what people did". so here i am, wishing to not be here. a number of failed relationships (which showed me my "dream like" (jung type: infp) nature of seeing how things can be is always false) and over a decade of depression and shit useless jobs i think i've finally been granted the door through a diagnosis of ms. i consider myself lucky, for the exit sign to be lit up, to believe i can take it, to have followed instruction and problem solved on it harder than any other task right now. im sick of trying pointlessly effortlessly, when i believe the only thing i want is a fantasy. i will get the material, and wait, enough time to conclude my prognosis is correct and then ill leave. i wont allow my sympathy for my family to stop me. i feel everyone is simply "getting by" as best they can, after being forced here. no one is granted a choice. i think the winds are changing ever so slightly on this, and since contraception was invented the amount of kids being born is far less. there is no god. only happy stories to tell ourselves while we are here.
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ebg
LOVE !
- Sep 30, 2024
- 134
I bought stuff that would kill me for the first time in February 2024. However I do remember trying to crack open cherry pits so I could ingest the cyanide in them (fail) when I was 11 (2015/2016). I'm going to die this month once my SN arrives.
LunarLight
i'm a loser, a failure
- Apr 3, 2024
- 1,363
disjectamembra
the universe is going to catch you
- Oct 1, 2024
- 64
summer 2020 when i could feel my friends drifting away from me and my performance started falling off
Demian
Experienced
- Mar 25, 2024
- 239
Around 8 years old, when my mother beat me for asking her for help with my homework.
SolitudeMan
Member
- Mar 1, 2024
- 35
thought about attempting once at 16
started seriously considering this year
started seriously considering this year
