N
Nadir
Member
- Sep 11, 2024
- 7
hmm. i was reading heavy philosophers as a teenager onwards (schopenhaur, nietzsche). i faked happiness when younger as taught, then as a teen stopped pretending to be happy and just was. now im mid 30s. ive always had in mind that non-existance is preferable. favourite writer/joker/philosopher is emil cioran. im an antinatalist. i question how people just spaff out kids with little thought but then realise life just happens, it propogates itself (and in the same vein, it trims the fat or rotten crops, think - darwin). parents were of a generation where "It was expected. its just what people did". so here i am, wishing to not be here. a number of failed relationships (which showed me my "dream like" (jung type: infp) nature of seeing how things can be is always false) and over a decade of depression and shit useless jobs i think i've finally been granted the door through a diagnosis of ms. i consider myself lucky, for the exit sign to be lit up, to believe i can take it, to have followed instruction and problem solved on it harder than any other task right now. im sick of trying pointlessly effortlessly, when i believe the only thing i want is a fantasy. i will get the material, and wait, enough time to conclude my prognosis is correct and then ill leave. i wont allow my sympathy for my family to stop me. i feel everyone is simply "getting by" as best they can, after being forced here. no one is granted a choice. i think the winds are changing ever so slightly on this, and since contraception was invented the amount of kids being born is far less. there is no god. only happy stories to tell ourselves while we are here.