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hfdepression30

hfdepression30

Experienced
Mar 30, 2021
236
Even though it's not a singular "f*ck up moment', I think just not having the confidence to raise my hand, ask questions, stick up for myself and not give into anxiety and insecurity would've made a big impact on how I grew up. Perhaps then I would've been more passionate, more cultured, and less ashamed. I grew up with no real hobbies, dreams, ambitions or anything. Since age 13, 17 years, I've just been consumed by dark thoughts, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. It's just the way I'm conditioned at this point.
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
Having gained 65 pounds in 5 years.
 
Bat 17

Bat 17

Bat 17
Mar 30, 2021
307
Not really but now it could be!
I guess the main problem was a sedentary life and terrible diet. I can be really lazy lol.
Right! It's just I've put about that amount of weight on in the last year, mainly due to olanzapine !
 
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demuic

demuic

Life was a mistake
Sep 12, 2020
1,382
Even though it's not a singular "f*ck up moment', I think just not having the confidence to raise my hand, ask questions, stick up for myself and not give into anxiety and insecurity would've made a big impact on how I grew up. Perhaps then I would've been more passionate, more cultured, and less ashamed. I grew up with no real hobbies, dreams, ambitions or anything. Since age 13, 17 years, I've just been consumed by dark thoughts, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. It's just the way I'm conditioned at this point.
I feel this way as well. But I don't know how things could have been different.
 
P

Phoenix

Student
Feb 27, 2021
153
Failing multiple suicide attempts resulting in still being alive.... or being born
 
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lofticries

lofticries

obedear
Feb 27, 2021
1,469
I regret not getting into a hobby/talent at a young age. Something that I can take pride in and give me relevance in life. Not to be dramatic but I envy those people who will literally die for their craft/art/whatever while shunning the outside world. Basically I want something to obsess over rather than my stupid mental illnesses.
 
B

Beachedwhale

Mage
Mar 3, 2021
526
Playing by the rules too much.

Not taking care of my body

For years missing a golden opportunity for happiness and success that most people dream of

Not processing my past pain

Taking an antidepressant pill
 
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Lucien

Lucien

A Nameless Monster
Mar 7, 2021
130
For me it's not ending it a couple of years back. To add insult to injury I probably missed out on some convenient methods. Now I'm stuck with drowning as my go-to since at least it's highly lethal. Don't trust I'll get over the SI barrier for carotid severing to work as intended. I have some personal issues with the other popular methods, like for example becoming too obsessed with the details of a hanging setup and entirely forgetting the point is to actually ctb. Pretty sure it will have to be something 'impulsive' for me since it comes down to cheating survival instinct. Waiting for it to diminish naturally or through philosophy seems like a fantasy.
 
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Makko

Makko

Iä!
Jan 17, 2021
2,430
I've been looking for an answer to this question all my adult life and I haven't found anything. No matter how critically I look at myself, there's really nothing that I could have done better or differently in any way that mattered, and in any way that was in my power. I don't have any visible reason or excuse for holding life in contempt the way I do.
 
voyager

voyager

Don't you dare go hollow...
Nov 25, 2019
965
Taking drugs at 16. Didn't take too well to it. Have had mental impairments ever since. Got my mhi, became a recluse, barely ate, didn't take care of myself and let my physical health issues go untreated. When I reemerged five years later the damage had been done and I was set for life.
 
T

Toptock

Experienced
Jun 6, 2020
292
Didn't take finances seriously enough and ended up tanking my credit, it's rippled out so much i can't rent an apartment or buy a home. I can fix it with time, but i am self aware enough to know this drive will fade quickly, and it wont matter as my timeline prevents me from finding a place in time. It's better for everyone if i just check out. I have routinely made bad calls, from my degree choice to who i dated. I fully accept that it was all my doing, but it hurts
 
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