Discussion what's the reason you're still here?

[superangel]

me personally, there's something so jarring on knowing how my life will end. I've accepted it, hell in fact I've seen it as the most peaceful way to go. I don't wanna grow old and get sickly and wrinkly, and then suffer with god knows how many physical and mental problems before finally taking my last breath.

I've considered doing it out of spite. I've considered guilt tripping some people who I hate so they could live with guilt for the rest of their lives.
but thinking back, I don't wanna go out bitter. I don't want my last action, my last decision, to be made out of spite or rage. I don't want to take my last breath angry and defeated.

so it's kinda ironic, honestly.. because I want to get better so my last moments of life would be peaceful. I think that desire to choose myself for once is one of the reasons why I'm still here.

 

[LoafofBread]

Unlike many here I am not suicidal full time. I have a pattern of feeling desperately and suicidal for maybe 2-4 days every month when my OCD spikes up to borderline delusional levels, but outside of that I don't even have depression.

Most even remotely decent methods require some amount of planning, so I guess that practical aspect helps a lot?

One time I was convinced I needed to kill myself so I took a 20 minute walk down to the store, noticed they didn't sell ropes and then realised I wasn't "in the mood" anymore.

It's kinda crazy how drastically my perspective on life can shift in such a short frame of time.

 

[Zura]

my mom would be sad like really sad and i dont wanna do that to her

 

[superangel]

Unlike many here I am not suicidal full time. I have a pattern of feeling desperately and suicidal for maybe 2-4 days every month when my OCD spikes up to borderline delusional levels, but outside of that I don't even have depression.

Most even remotely decent methods require some amount of planning, so I guess that practical aspect helps a lot?

One time I was convinced I needed to kill myself so I took a 20 minute walk down to the store, noticed they didn't sell ropes and then realised I wasn't "in the mood" anymore.

It's kinda crazy how drastically my perspective on life can shift in such a short frame of time.

ahhhhh, I relate to that a lot... I can't remember how many times I was so set on killing myself and only didn't go through with it because I got lazy.

 

[darksouls]

the main reason for me is fear of afterlife / reincarnation,
I am still looking for a compatible ctb partner

 

[lpdsvm]

I'm unqualified for my job. I can be replaced because there are always people who will work for a lower salary.I have been working still but I know they subconsciously or maybe not that subconsciously freaking hate me (at least indirectly) and want to cut costs. I don't know why, but when I get fired and fail to find another job I will CTB for sure. There are other factors like visas. But fear not, I have my own SN or Rope Golden Visa. Screw them all (I don't know who - let's start with my war waging third country shithole I was born in) in that case.
Even if everything is cool. I have no plans and can't. I think, in the end, nothing helps. Dog-eat-dog world.

 

[Useless Idiot]

Because I don't have the courage to kill myself.
My life is terrible. And I am going through some terrible things now. I can't bear anything. Yet I don't have the courage to do it. I've got exams, yet I can't study. I really need to do it. I should do it. And yet...

 

[flatyeticorn]

Because I think my spouse would follow and I can't live with that knowledge

 

[Useless Idiot]

the main reason for me is fear of afterlife / reincarnation,
I am still looking for a compatible ctb partner

Wish we were in the same country and same city. I am looking for a ctb partner too.

 

[lpdsvm]

I can do it now but I'm waiting until there's no way of normal living. I don't want to look pathetic anymore. I want to and will CTB before I get in any trouble.

 

[asfergrggdas]

severe CPTSD which amplifies my survival instinct, health anxiety, fear of negative afterlife

 

[Apathy79]

I'll still be here for a long time if I get my way. The nerve pain still comes and goes but at least it is sporadic. It's been over 4 years now since my most extreme episode which lasted 11 days, during which I couldn't sleep a wink and ultimately had to be sedated in emergency. The worst part then was not knowing if it would ever end, much less when. All signs point to that eventually being a permanent state when my immune system can't hold it off anymore, and I'll have to ctb then. But I genuinely hope that is a long way away.

 

[superangel]

Because I don't have the courage to kill myself.
My life is terrible. And I am going through some terrible things now. I can't bear anything. Yet I don't have the courage to do it. I've got exams, yet I can't study. I really need to do it. I should do it. And yet...

hahh I get you... sometimes I wish I was a little braver and committed.

 

[fadedghost]

I don't wanna grow old and get sickly and wrinkly, and then suffer with god knows how many physical and mental problems before finally taking my last breath.

AI will likely stop aging within 2-3 decades and most medical problems will be curable. If you don't enjoy being alive it's one thing, but if this is just a fear of getting old, the fear may be misplaced: if you are in the 18-24 range (and you seem young to me), if you don't commit suicide, AGI (General Artificial Intelligence) is going to happen while you're alive almost certainly, and scientists are already working on the aging problem. It's very unlikely any aging will be happening after 2060 for anyone in a wealthy country.

 

[superangel]

AI will likely stop aging within 2-3 decades and most medical problems will be curable. If you don't enjoy being alive it's one thing, but if this is just a fear of getting old, the fear may be misplaced: if you are in the 18-24 range (and you seem young to me), if you don't commit suicide, AGI (General Artificial Intelligence) is going to happen while you're alive almost certainly, and scientists are already working on the aging problem. It's very unlikely any aging will be happening after 2060 for anyone in a wealthy country

I guess so! still, aging is just one of the many reasons I want to leave. even if AI did stop aging, i doubt it'll change my mind on dying.

 

[Hopel3ss]

It's mostly because of my family, especially my mother who would suffer a lot

 

[buriedinmyhead]

I don't have a good method that's accessible, and I feel nervous about potentially regretting it at the last minute + risk of accidentally messing it up and making things worse for myself

 

[Burning_soul]

I'm waiting for more independence/ to get my degree to at least be secure in having tried new environments and leave with good memories to reminisce as I pass. I want my death to be done with rationality rather than being clouded so much by emotion. Maybe this is the influence of my SI but I'd also like to go in a peaceful way with access to a poison or inert gas, rather than extreme pain in my passing. I want to go in peace and this current situation does not provide me that.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Fear. Fear of the act itself and the associated pain (I'm fixated on hanging) and yes, fear of hell. For some reason in my couchrotting depression I've been binging religious content.

 

[InkMoth]

Too much of a coward to do it.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

AI will likely stop aging within 2-3 decades and most medical problems will be curable. If you don't enjoy being alive it's one thing, but if this is just a fear of getting old, the fear may be misplaced: if you are in the 18-24 range (and you seem young to me), if you don't commit suicide, AGI (General Artificial Intelligence) is going to happen while you're alive almost certainly, and scientists are already working on the aging problem. It's very unlikely any aging will be happening after 2060 for anyone in a wealthy country.

Maybe we can slow it down but death and aging are guaranteed.

 

[alivefornow]

I haven't killed myself yet

 

[HopelessScientist]

fear, inertia, my partner, science

 

[aurevoir]

Wanting to "get things in order" to make it easier on my loved ones. Wishing to pay back my friends and parents for all the money they've loaned me. But it's gotten to a point that I can't wait that long. One of my friends I owe over $4,000. That would take me years to pay back. I don't even know if I have another week in me.

 

[TransientEternal]

Fear of the unknown. The law of conservation makes me fear that after an unspecified amount of time I'll be in a new form that holds consciousness. I don't want to lose all my memories and knowledge and just keep repeating this loop forever. I know it's unavoidable and might not even be true, but still. Also this is where my username comes from! Transient as in finite life, eternal as in repeating forever.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

either failed or backed out every time i was set on doing it. + in my current state, i don't really want to die, im just tired and anxious and don't really have the energy for anything. dying would be better than this sorry excuse of a life, but i don't even have the motivation to kms.

 

[aesthetic]

i'm going to kill myself soon.

 

[goinghome11:11]

I have 3 reasons:

1. I feel so bad for my loved ones. They will be devastated. My mom is in her 70s and I don't want grief to make her health worse. My sister and I have been best friends our whole 40+ years and I feel terrible leaving her here alone. And my 6 year old niece just told me the other day that she wants to be just like me (she has no idea how much she doesn't) and she loves me so much. I feel so guilty knowing I'm not going to be here with her much longer. I don't want to create a childhood trauma for her.

2. I can't figure out a way to go peacefully with zero chance of failing and messing myself and life up even more.

3. I've let my home get so out of control messy and disgusting in my depressive state and I can't leave the mess for my family to clean up while they are grieving. I have to work up the energy to clean it myself and that has been incredibly hard to do...I hate it so much but I literally feel stuck and can't do anything about it. I think maybe subconsciously I know that once it's clean, it's finally time to go and it's maybe my spirit trying to hold on to life as long as possible.

 

[intr0verse]

If only i'd knew....

 

[scordatura]

I suppose I'm still clinging on to things and they keep me here. But at the same time, when shit gets bad, its some of those same things that drive me down.

I have found though, over the past year, when I feel suicidal, its way more intense than it used to be.

Another thing though... is the way I truly want to go out is, kinda, high effort. It's the difference between an impulsive death and a planned one for me.