What's the reason why you want to cbt?

[been_there]

But how's your positive thinking?

 

[Azazel]

Lack of happiness. My life has never been hard, I'm doing fine, and I'm currently in college. I have my issues, but overall I have a normal life, whit friends and family. But even with all of that, I haven't been happy for years. I've felt happiness in certain moments, but in the end I always fall back into this overwhelming sadness that comes out of nowhere. I end up isolagting myself from everybody and hurting the people that I care about. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, I don't want to hurt them anymore.
Also, my mental health is really inconsistent, that's the reason why I'm trying to avoid ctb at least for now.
So that's it, if I can' be happy when my life is going fine and currently I'm sabbotaging myself, the future that I have in front of me is completly miserable. I still have hope, I want to think that I can get out of this, but everything's just way too hardto stand right now.

 

[Winter_Flower]

For me it's a number of reasons. I have never really got a grip of my mental health. The constant mood swings with having Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. The constant fear of upsetting people when I don't mean it. Being called manipulative but in fact I'm just so scared of the consequences of my actions but people can't see beyond 'manipulative'. Troubling thoughts from my past that I can't fully talk about because the words simply won't come out, it's like my mouth is wired shut. The failure of not being able to keep down a job and the fear of not being able to work in the nhs again due to my health, my dream job. The stigma around mental health is too much. I'm a burden to everyone including all the professionals trying to help me. I feel like a broken record. I can't get out of the circle of self harming even at 39 years old. I'm constantly finding new ways to harm myself, the new one is blood drawing. I can't stand the pain, empty ness and loneliness anymore. I have lost friends over it and my 15 year relationship broke down because of it. I now no longer believe in love and feel I have nothing to live for. I'm fat and ugly and fail at sorting my weight out everytime xx Sorry for the rant xx

 

[Scribble Fan]

One reason is this world. I think I could recover from the anxiety and mental illness but I don't want to be a part of this planet. Everyone is suffering and so many disturbing things happen it scares me. Maybe if we all lived in some fictional utopia I'd have an easier time getting up but I feel like I'll be dragging myself along just to be smacked back down into depression again. Seems awfully futile.

There are a many other reasons and stressors but this has been on my mind recently when considering recovery.

 

[21Neberg]

Cerebral palsy; being gay; difficulty finishing college; realizing I can only get menial jobs and that I suck at them because I don't know how to work in the real world; the reality that I'll have to prostitute the rest of my life's time working to barely make a decent living; the real possibility that I may never attain true independence and may have to continue living a parasitic lifestyle; crippling depression; bipolar disorder with severe manic episodes with one already leading to bankruptcy at age 23; no trust in myself that I will go manic again fuck shit up even more. That's some of what I've got.

Being gay is not a reason to feel like you're worth any less than others. You matter, and just because you're gay does not mean that you should die.

 

[SlowlyWastingLife]

Some people in their life feel like they have a calling or purpose for why they're here. And I've never felt that way. Never been good at anything, never had any energy or motivation to pursue a career.
And I'm honestly questioning why I'm still here, or even why I was born. Because it seems like there's no valid reason for me to be on this earth.
I'm 27 soon to be 28 and I have always felt like I won't make it past 30. I'm dont want to be a burden to my family anymore.
I've never accomplished anything and I'm tired of walking around feeling like a failure and a waste of space.

 

[Pistolero114]

Death is the ultimate safe place, nobody can hurt me once I'm gone. That is most appealing to me.

I'm exhausted to continue fighting for quality mental health care that every person on the planet is entitled to. It's becoming more and more difficult to have nescessary medications prescribed, ie benzodiazepines and even with access to a benzo, I've got PTSD/MDD/Panic disorder. I recently started seeing a new psychiatrist and he suspects I may have BPD. The cherry on top.

Hypothyroidism I'm only just beginning to treat and I wonder how much it has to do with my depression.

Chronic pain from a broken C2 and multiple TBI's....it's been a rough road. Or ride.

These are some of the main reasons I want to end my life aka catch that bus already (CTB).

I understand about rough roads. Been down a few and like you most of them were not paved.

 

[sadbunny]

Something is wrong with me and there's no explanation for it - therefore I'm going to suicide

 

[Pistolero114]

It would be easier for me to list the reasons to live....none

 

[not_a_robot]

Best answer ever to the query "Why do you want to kill yourself?"

"Because of you. I'm doing it because the world is full of people like you."

(Dream With The Fishes)

 

[Pistolero114]

Best answer ever to the query "Why do you want to kill yourself?"

"Because of you. I'm doing it because the world is full of people like you."

(Dream With The Fishes)

I like it

 

[not_a_robot]

One reason is this world. I think I could recover from the anxiety and mental illness but I don't want to be a part of this planet. Everyone is suffering and so many disturbing things happen it scares me. Maybe if we all lived in some fictional utopia I'd have an easier time getting up but I feel like I'll be dragging myself along just to be smacked back down into depression again. Seems awfully futile.

There are a many other reasons and stressors but this has been on my mind recently when considering recovery.

Yep. I recently left a horrible lifestyle full of horrible hateful people. Went to all the trouble to rebuild a "normal" life and did a damn good job of it. Only to find out that I'm *still* surrounded by horrible hateful people, the people who were supposedly trying to "help" me have actually been sabotaging me all along.
Fuck this society, fuck this species, fuck this planet, FUCK THIS.

 

[toolateforme]

brain damage, personality disorders, schizophrenia, autism, dissociative identity disorder, dementia, possibility of going to homeless shelter

 

[lizinha]

My drug addiction along with the damage it created , depression, lack of support/love, loneliness, and being told to kill myself

 

[LSD_ie]

My schizophrenia is getting worse and I don't feel like dealing with it. Too much work and I'm lazy. plus one day while working it just hit me how boring everything is.

 

[not_a_robot]

brain damage, personality disorders, schizophrenia, autism, dissociative identity disorder, dementia, possibility of going to homeless shelter

Similar, minus the personality disorders. Going to the shelter was the only way I found out I had hidden assets though. I never would have known otherwise. So now at least I get to be NEET for awhile. You maybe could too. Small consolation, but I'm glad I didn't ctb before heading to the shelter.

 

[262653]

Because I want to avoid harms while reaching to boons. It's so tempting to try to rationalize my aversion to bad things and leaning to good things, or why there is even such a difference while not knowing shit about my body's tangling workings. Well apparently its to induce control for whatever reason, perpetuating life I guess... But I believe that death would set my subjective life's worth to zero, equalizing all goods and bads, for an indefinite period. While life is such a hassle to get the very basic needs met. My body is constantly wearing out and has to devour other life forms to sustain its own. My task is figuring out the best way of being and I'm longing for death. Mercy, I'm just doing my job...

 

[Maksimka Ai]

Feelings of loneliness, self hatred and hopelessness eat away at me every second of the day.

 

[Robbyna]

Crippling depression, severe boredom and apathy with life, and overwhelming debt.

 

[GHOST99]

My parents were the only reason I lived and tried to do good. Now that they are no longer living I wish to ctb.

 

[Pistolero114]

Yep. I recently left a horrible lifestyle full of horrible hateful people. Went to all the trouble to rebuild a "normal" life and did a damn good job of it. Only to find out that I'm *still* surrounded by horrible hateful people, the people who were supposedly trying to "help" me have actually been sabotaging me all along.
Fuck this society, fuck this species, fuck this planet, FUCK THIS.

Turn it all into radioactive ash. Million years in a petri dish & see what grows back.

 

[Abel]

Incoming wall of text because my mind is feeling particularly scattered today... I'm sorry in advance.

There is so much wrong with me and I just don't have the will to try and fix any of it. My mental health issues? If I improved my mindset (if I weren't so negative, closed-minded, and hopeless) and made a genuine attempt to better myself, I could probably turn my life around.

But nope. I'm trapped in my mind. I used to go to therapy; I went regularly for a year and a half. The meds did nothing, and the "coping strategies"? "Mindfulness"? Meditation? Maybe those could have helped, but I wasn't receptive to those ideas; they all seemed so pointless and stupid to me, kind of in the same way that platitudes such as "Life gets better!" generally seem useless to those who are suicidal.

It's ironic for me to say, considering whatever I'm doing now is clearly not working out. These days, I just rot in my room, sleeping, aimlessly playing video games, binging on junk food, surfing the Internet... and I don't even enjoy any of that anymore. I could study, or y'know, do anything productive, but it feels like my brain is constantly filled with a thick, heavy fog, and I end up just giving up and taking a nap instead. The brain fog's not due to a lack of sleep, I think my brain's just fucked or something - I'm so dumb I can't even handle anything more than basic thinking.

I hate my life. I hate it to the point where I want to kill myself. And yet, I do nothing to try and fix it. Because to me, there's no point. There's no hope. I can't imagine myself having a happy future. I can't imagine myself having a good job, a good social life, a good appearance, a good anything. I can't imagine myself having any life other than this one. I've convinced myself that it's impossible for me to change.

You know the "crabs in a bucket" mentality? If you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, none of them will be able to escape because they keep dragging each other down. Well, I'm like that, except I'm the only crab in the bucket, and somehow I manage to keep dragging myself down.

 

[lovemelovemenot]

I don't feel like I belong. I don't have a sense of self. I know what my interests are, what I like and don't, but those things don't make a personality. Because of this I don't know how to really talk to people in real life and I've never made deep fulfilling bonds with others in person. Ever since I was young I never had many friends, and growing up I've realized many of the ones I do have are narcissistic. They only like being around me because there's not much to me, if that makes sense..

I've dealt with depression for a large part of my life and found solice in food until I found myself morbidly obese (no exaggeration) in high school. I lost the weight, and for a short period of time I actually wasn't as sad and had hope. People thought I was pretty and I even went out on dates. But because of my lack of personality, and loose skin from the weight loss no one wanted to stick around. For the few who did, the relationship was usually abusive and people took advantage because I let them. I have too many painful memories of doing things I did not want to do, but didn't say no because I was too scared of backlash or them leaving.

I grew up poor to the point of experiencing homelessness on two occasions. Once for a couple months and the last time during my last year of school. My mom and dad argued all the time, mom cheated on dad, dad beat mom. It was a cycle that continued and got worse for years until they finally split about two years ago. My mom has been on drugs and in and out of jail since, and I do not have the best relationship with my dad afterwards.

I could go on with so many reasons, but to sum it up I've just been through a lot, and have grown to have a distaste towards life. Even though I'm young, I don't see any hope for myself or things getting better anymore. I'll always be stuck in my own head, and never be able to have the friend/relationships I deeply desire. I'm tired of this daily internal fight to be happy, and I've found peace in passing on.

 

[Asta]

To quote Pistolero: "It would be easier for me to list the reasons to live..." Only one - the kind, caring, loving, non-judgmental one. It's so hard to leave that one behind.

 

[Theon]

Brain damage caused by years of drug addiction have left me feeling no pleasure in anything and 24/7 anxiety at near panic levels. I can't continue on this way. I've already lost most of my friends and around the corner comes real catastrophe: loss of job, home, everything. I can't work this way. I may end up homeless.

 

[262653]

You know the "crabs in a bucket" mentality? If you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, none of them will be able to escape because they keep dragging each other down. Well, I'm like that, except I'm the only crab in the bucket, and somehow I manage to keep dragging myself down.

Wow, I didn't knew it has a name. Sounds like a common practice in a competitive society with a fixed amount of prestige/authority/material resources/etc., and most members of which have personal benefit as their top priority while lacking foresight to recognize the undesirable consequences to their decisions because keeping someone in higher position may prove to be beneficial too. We may feel that we gain something by putting superior others down, sometimes failing to recognize we're in the same boat playing against the other boat.

 

[Cheezmam]

Had a great life. Made a horrible real estate decision. Now I feel life insurance is only way to provide for kids future.

 

[tomz323]

Sick of being treated like shit all the time for one, life is just more suffering then joy.

 

[Cheezmam]

The most painful thing is, the memories of my life before this decision haunt me.

 

[shaddix]

For one I don't wish to take part in this system where I am effectively a slave for someone else's gain and enjoyment. They figured out slaves do a much better job when you give them enough crumbs to think they got something good in their hands. I find it offensive that I should be willing and happy to be someone else's cattledog, give them 90% of the product of my labor and get a few scraps at the end.

Second is it doesn't appear there is any method by which any secure companionship with humans can be achieved, at least not currently. I am tired of spending years of my life building and investing and sacrificing with someone only to one day have it turn to ashes in front of me.

There may be a way to escape the first temporarily, but I see no solution for number 2. As a kid I never could resist skipping to the end of a book, I don't see CTB as being any different.