What's the reason why you want to cbt?

[not_a_robot]

I'm a bit different, but I still like myself alright.
Other people are very bothered by that; seems a small problem, but it makes life impossible in any healthy way.
I have told people all my life,
"I will ctb if it's the only way to make you leave me alone."

Hold out a bit longer to spite them,
then ctb.

 

[Daigoro’sDisciple]

It's a really complicated matter to explain thoroughly in a forum post. Though the very short and shallow answer to it all is me not accepting the way our society functions. I have learned plenty of important things during my life. I am thankful for being granted such an opportunity. I also think this corrupted environment which has surrounded me during my growth has been important in order to attain this personal development. In other words, I've come to know myself at a really deep level. Though, if I am to continue living, it would require me to be a part of something which I despise, my personality could do nothing but devolve, and my existence would be too hollow to enjoy. I feel as if I've played my part here and wish to see what comes next. If anything even is to come, that is.

 

[keara]

Am I the only one who doesn't have an actual reason? I just feel like life is not worth living

 

[done_so_done]

Am I the only one who doesn't have an actual reason? I just feel like life is not worth living

No, I think a lot of people on this site feel the same. That plus a lot of other shit...

 

[not_a_robot]

Am I the only one who doesn't have an actual reason? I just feel like life is not worth living

No. Even before anything horrible had happened to me, I was always pervaded by a sense that everything is just pointless and stupid at best, cruel and destructive at worst. Neither state being a good enough reason to stay and continue the struggle.

 

[Going Home]

Victoria

 

[Pistolero114]

Something is wrong with me and there's no explanation for it - therefore I'm going to suicide

Wrong with you or wrong with this world we live in? It's been my experience that "sensitves" have a hard time existing in this time and place as they see and feel everything and everyone for what they really are and see past the facade of the world and humanity. The word "personality" comes from the Latin root of " persona" which means "facade or false front". Simply put human beings put up to the world what they want the rest of humankind to see. I think everyone on here is real and are not "nutz". They just don't buy into the rest of the planet's bullshit. Good luck however you decide.

 

[6000qqq]

I don't feel like life has much to offer me, and atm i feel like i'm fighting for a life I don't want. I'm sure a lot of people can relate

 

[seekingoblivion]

I'm too pathetic to live.

 

[Lyra]

Depression, social anxiety, self destructive tendencies. I can't stand how I look, I hate being outside existing having people look at me.
I hurt and lost the one I love having completely destroyed any future.
I've been working up to this for a really long time.

 

[wanttodie]

I don't feel like life has much to offer me, and atm i feel like i'm fighting for a life I don't want. I'm sure a lot of people can relate

yes I can

I don't feel like life has much to offer me, and atm i feel like i'm fighting for a life I don't want. I'm sure a lot of people can relate

yes I

can relate​

 

[Ladylethal]

For many reasons. One of those being that in two weeks I'm losing everything and my exfiance just told me he didn't care if I was homeless...He's even gone so far as to tell me I can't eat any of the groceries in the house. Lol. All I do is think about the SN in my jewelry box and listen to him tell me about how he's abandoning me. I don't have any support in my life. I lost my job. I have nothing but more fucking problems I won't list here. My life isn't worth fucking anything.

Depression, social anxiety, self destructive tendencies. I can't stand how I look, I hate being outside existing having people look at me.
I hurt and lost the one I love having completely destroyed any future.
I've been working up to this for a really long time.

Sounds like we're in the same boat

 

[blvck]

bad addiction, too afraid to confess my sins and straighten it all out. guilt and fear driving me to suicide

 

[Loki_stg]

starting life over at my age, loneliness, abandonment, lack of desire to start over.

 

[HGL91]

I worked my butt off in life until I was 26 getting good grades, going to family gatherings, eating healthy and looking pretty, having a social life with friends and a boyfriend, and then I just kind of burned out...

For many reasons. One of those being that in two weeks I'm losing everything and my exfiance just told me he didn't care if I was homeless...He's even gone so far as to tell me I can't eat any of the groceries in the house. Lol. All I do is think about the SN in my jewelry box and listen to him tell me about how he's abandoning me. I don't have any support in my life. I lost my job. I have nothing but more fucking problems I won't list here. My life isn't worth fucking anything.

Sounds like we're in the same boat

My ex would threaten me with these things too. Sleeping on the floor in the coldest room without blankets. Kicking me out. Romantic relationships are so overrated. :/

 

[Partial-Elf]

There's a number of reasons:

• I'm aware of how my life could've gone better and I find the reality disappointing
• I regret career and relationship decisions I made in the past seven or eight years. They are more or less irreversible
• Depression means I go through hell every so often with little sympathy or support
• I feel like my senses are duller than they used to be, probably because of depression. Diminished enjoyment of things, both emotionally and in terms of physical sensation
• High sexual desire is really annoying and impossible to ever satisfy
• I hate doing repetitive things like trimming my nails, shaving my face, mowing the lawn, etc
• I have little hope in the future–either for myself or the human race
• If I suicide, death is in my hands. Every day I don't suicide is another day I could get in a car crash and wind up with disabilities that leave me at the mercy of my pro life family and the medical system
• To be honest, I sometimes wanna CTB because it's my life, dammit, and I can CTB if I want

 

[HGL91]

There's a number of reasons:

• I'm aware of how my life could've gone better and I find the reality disappointing
• I regret career and relationship decisions I made in the past seven or eight years. They are more or less irreversible
• Depression means I go through hell every so often with little sympathy or support
• I feel like my senses are duller than they used to be, probably because of depression. Diminished enjoyment of things, both emotionally and in terms of physical sensation
• High sexual desire is really annoying and impossible to ever satisfy
• I hate doing repetitive things like trimming my nails, shaving my face, mowing the lawn, etc
• I have little hope in the future–either for myself or the human race
• If I suicide, death is in my hands. Every day I don't suicide is another day I could get in a car crash and wind up with disabilities that leave me at the mercy of my pro life family and the medical system
• To be honest, I sometimes wanna CTB because it's my life, dammit, and I can CTB if I want

Yes and yes to the last two! Seriously!

 

[Partial-Elf]

Yes and yes to the last two! Seriously!

Bodily autonomy is not respected in our culture, or really anywhere around the world. I blame religion and most people's inability to honestly confront their own mortality.

 

[xMacy]

Hi, new member here. My reasons arent as, maybe rational or understandable as others on this forum (or maybe they are and I find some like minded people), but they're enough for me. I'm in crippling debt- credit cards, student loans, personal loans and bank account hasn't been in the positive in months; generalized anxiety and severe depression since childhood and the most persistent would be just the thought of it being over since childhood. Everyday I'm awake and conscious I think about leaving. I just have to gather the strength to go through with it at this point. The only thing I have reservations about are my pet lizards and their care after I'm gone. I cant see myself finding them new homes while I'm still here, but fear the person doing that wouldn't take the time to properly make sure they would be well taken care of.

The pills and the talking do nothing besides make me realize more what a shit person I am. Treatment isnt for everyone.

 

[Intelligent_Lobster]

I just don't want to feel the painful pangs in my chest due to anxiety anymore, and a few other things, but this is the main reason

If I had the exact, full reason, I wouldn't be here anymore.

I think part of it is because of the identities and roles I've been given in the LGBT community.
Possibly, mental illness as well.

 

[HGL91]

Hi, new member here. My reasons arent as, maybe rational or understandable as others on this forum (or maybe they are and I find some like minded people), but they're enough for me. I'm in crippling debt- credit cards, student loans, personal loans and bank account hasn't been in the positive in months; generalized anxiety and severe depression since childhood and the most persistent would be just the thought of it being over since childhood. Everyday I'm awake and conscious I think about leaving. I just have to gather the strength to go through with it at this point. The only thing I have reservations about are my pet lizards and their care after I'm gone. I cant see myself finding them new homes while I'm still here, but fear the person doing that wouldn't take the time to properly make sure they would be well taken care of.

The pills and the talking do nothing besides make me realize more what a shit person I am. Treatment isnt for everyone.

Debt has me down too! Worst part about it is the interest! Even if you pay some off, it just gets tacked back on! It's a never ending cycle. :( Plus, I get harassed daily with phone calls. It's such a stressful way to live.

 

[xMacy]

Debt has me down too! Worst part about it is the interest! Even if you pay some off, it just gets tacked back on! It's a never ending cycle. :( Plus, I get harassed daily with phone calls. It's such a stressful way to live.

Oh I completely agree with you!! Its not like i wouldn't love to pay it back, I'm just so far into with interest it makes it impossible to even touch the principle. It's completely discouraging. I cant live a "normal" life if I dont have the means to pay for it

 

[HGL91]

Oh I completely agree with you!! Its not like i wouldn't love to pay it back, I'm just so far into with interest it makes it impossible to even touch the principle. It's completely discouraging. I cant live a "normal" life if I dont have the means to pay for it

Oh me too. I've tried paying it back. I've done minimum payments each month. I've applied for the hardship programs where I can't use the card anymore but have less interest and smaller payments. I've tried adding on another job. I just feel hopeless and I don't want to file for bankruptcy. That messes up credit too and ugh, there just seems to be no way out!

 

[xMacy]

Oh me too. I've tried paying it back. I've done minimum payments each month. I've applied for the hardship programs where I can't use the card anymore but have less interest and smaller payments. I've tried adding on another job. I just feel hopeless and I don't want to file for bankruptcy. That messes up credit too and ugh, there just seems to be no way out!

Its seems to be a never ending cycle once you enter it. I'm right there with you though

Hi, new member here. My reasons arent as, maybe rational or understandable as others on this forum (or maybe they are and I find some like minded people), but they're enough for me. I'm in crippling debt- credit cards, student loans, personal loans and bank account hasn't been in the positive in months; generalized anxiety and severe depression since childhood and the most persistent would be just the thought of it being over since childhood. Everyday I'm awake and conscious I think about leaving. I just have to gather the strength to go through with it at this point. The only thing I have reservations about are my pet lizards and their care after I'm gone. I cant see myself finding them new homes while I'm still here, but fear the person doing that wouldn't take the time to properly make sure they would be well taken care of.

The pills and the talking do nothing besides make me realize more what a shit person I am. Treatment isnt for everyone.

And the alcohol kicks in and gives me some courage to at least put it around my neck.. now all I need is the courage to rest forward and be done with it

 

[echo_bravo]

Hi, new member here. My reasons arent as, maybe rational or understandable as others on this forum (or maybe they are and I find some like minded people), but they're enough for me. I'm in crippling debt- credit cards, student loans, personal loans and bank account hasn't been in the positive in months; generalized anxiety and severe depression since childhood and the most persistent would be just the thought of it being over since childhood. Everyday I'm awake and conscious I think about leaving. I just have to gather the strength to go through with it at this point. The only thing I have reservations about are my pet lizards and their care after I'm gone. I cant see myself finding them new homes while I'm still here, but fear the person doing that wouldn't take the time to properly make sure they would be well taken care of.

The pills and the talking do nothing besides make me realize more what a shit person I am. Treatment isnt for everyone.

Huh, I was about to write up a post but this actually sums up my situation as well. I'm deep in debt especially student loans. Several loans are defaulted and I have things in collections. I can't even make a dent it feels like. It feels petty almost but it cripples several aspects of my life severely.

7 years of severe depression on top of that with prior attempts to ctb. I don't know when I'm going to ctb, but I'm getting comfortable with the idea of it being any time now. I still hold a little hope maybe.

The debt is just one thing on many though. Small issues that add up quicker than expected.

 

[nexory]

I fucked up buying a expensive home i can barely afford living in, to afford living in it i need to work 180 hours every month. It's weird my bank accepted this loan and i didn't think about the rent would go up after i bought it and all insurences and shit i needed. Many of you might think i could sell it or rent it out, something i can do but it's very awkward since i moved in 3 months ago. I also have a lot of friends and family that care about me, but lately i have been very cold and i don't feel any empathy. Hopefully this will past soon and i don't need to commit suicide, and maybe i can find a girlfriend to split my apartment bills with and work less and enjoy time with friends and family. But for now it looks very dark, but i will not stress it.

I'm aware my problem is not very dark compared to others, but this is my story.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

Well I guess my reasons are bad debts and loneliness.
I'm not a very sociable person and don't really have any friends. Just work colleagues. I am very uncomfortable in social situations and I guess am a bit of a loner. I have been married and have kids but finding myself alone and pushing 50 with not much to show for my life!
I have never owned my own house and can never get a mortgage or any credit as I have been left with so much debt after relationships. It would take me 60 years to pay off at what I can afford!
I feel like people don't want to know me and end up sat alone even when trying to be sociable. I have to accept it's just me and this is who I am and my life.
I feel it's time to bring it to an end soon and that gives me some comfort. In the meantime I push the pain and hurt to the back of my mind as much as I can. And cry alone when it's too much to hide.

 

[Saga]

everything ive done in life...nothing worked out...its tiring...theres nothing interesting anymore..im tired of trying making it...i want to ctb because...life just wasnt meant for me..

 

[Black_Knight]

It's a really complicated matter to explain thoroughly in a forum post. Though the very short and shallow answer to it all is me not accepting the way our society functions. I have learned plenty of important things during my life. I am thankful for being granted such an opportunity. I also think this corrupted environment which has surrounded me during my growth has been important in order to attain this personal development. In other words, I've come to know myself at a really deep level. Though, if I am to continue living, it would require me to be a part of something which I despise, my personality could do nothing but devolve, and my existence would be too hollow to enjoy. I feel as if I've played my part here and wish to see what comes next. If anything even is to come, that is.

This is very relatable, or was at one point.

 

[Datenasdas]

I have hiatus hernia, inguinal hernia , esophagitis II, gastritis, septum deviation and depend on a filthy public health system of 3° world to expects years to operate and treat and I'm very poor/shit family/house too.