Discussion What's the one path you didn't take that would have changed everything?

[falloutcarter13]

I have to imagine, as we get close to the end, other people are having the same thoughts as I am. Right now, I can't stop thinking about the path not taken. When I was 14, I had to go to a funeral (ironic, right?) My dad decided it was time to get me a legit suit. He took me to the nicest men's clothing store in town, you know, the one with the guy who has a British accent that's probably fake? But my dad dropped me off and left for like an hour, probably to go see his mistress or something. I followed that guy all around the store, fascinated by all of the different fabrics and cottons and accessories, and how much people were willing to pay to look good. I kept finding myself going back to that store to ask the guy questions and learn about the business. He hired me when I was 15 and I loved it. I decided to go to school for business, I wanted to open my own men's fashion store, even better than the one I worked at. I mean I loved everything about it, knowing everything down to the different types of stitching, I felt such a rush when someone would ask me a complex question and I knew the answer. I told my dad about my plan when I was 17, and I can quote what he said exactly because it was the most crushing thing he ever said to me. "What, you want to open a store like that faggot you work for? Are you a faggot? You can do whatever you want, but I'll tell you what I'm not paying for - business school so you can open a homo store. You're going to med school if you want me to pay for it."

If I'd been more sure of myself and more committed to making myself happy instead of him, I highly doubt I'd be here right now. I'm just wondering if anybody else has a similar story they'd like to share, to make me feel less alone lol. Thanks, as always, for caring and reading and replying. Love you guys! And girls!

 

[rt1989526]

Sorry to hear that your dad was such a jackass man. My parents were generally supportive and I still managed to fuck my life up.

I had developed mental problems pretty early, by the time I was 14 or 15. After high school I had become very depressed with major body image problems and had been lashing out at home. My parents confronted me about it and I freaked out and ran away (borderline personality), moved in with two people I barely knew. Got into coke and ecstacy, developed severe OCD/anxiety and came crawling back home. Then the expert doctors put me on the meds which ultimately destroyed my mind and body further. Here we are 10 years later.

I guess if I didn't run away when I was 18 things would've been much different.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

I'm sorry about your story. You deserved better. I wished I listened to my dad when he said to go to computer science. All my high school friends who went there are basically rich. I also wished I didn't quit my job at this company where had I learned the experience needed I could've landed a high paying job in another company. It feels like I made all of the worst mistakes in my life. And here we are.

 

[falloutcarter13]

Sorry to hear that your dad was such a jackass man. My parents were generally supportive and I still managed to fuck my life up.

I had developed mental problems pretty early, by the time I was 14 or 15. After high school I had become very depressed with major body image problems and had been lashing out at home. My parents confronted me about it and I freaked out and ran away (borderline personality), moved in with two people I barely knew. Got into coke and ecstacy, developed severe OCD/anxiety and came crawling back home. Then the expert doctors put me on the meds which ultimately destroyed my mind and body further. Here we are 10 years later.

I guess if I didn't run away when I was 18 things would've been much different.

Its crazy, how decisions we make in the moment come back to loom so large at the end. Thanks for sharing and for letting me get to know you a little better, bud.

 

[Dreamless Sleep]

I'm sorry your dad said such a shitty thing to you. As a parent I know I was far from perfect and I know at least one time I said something I regret, but we should always try to remember our words and actions have life long effects on our kids and strive to be better.

 

[Freeme3820]

It sounds like your dad was projecting his issues onto you forgetting that you are not him and your life isent his plus its about making you happy not him x

 

[waterbottleman]

I seriously thought about buying $2000 worth of bitcoin back in 2010 when I was a freshman in college but I chose not to.

Man, wonder what my life would have been like if I had actually gone through with that.

 

[stillweary]

I don't think I could have done anything differently. There was just way too much messed up stuff that happened that was beyond my control. I really think I did the best I could with the unbelievably shitty life circumstances I've been given. And I'm still planning to CTB on Monday. It's taken a lot of will power to not simply get it over with tonight.

 

[falloutcarter13]

I don't think I could have done anything differently. There was just way too much messed up stuff that happened that was beyond my control. I really think I did the best I could with the unbelievably shitty life circumstances I've been given. And I'm still planning to CTB on Monday. It's taken a lot of will power to not simply get it over with tonight.

Totally understand. After you commit to the decision, its so hard not to just get it overwith

 

[AnotherBrick]

With all due respect, fuck your dad. That would've been a bomb ass thing to do. It's a very respectable goal.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I'm so sorry you went through that..Your story about your dad made me sad and think of my own life...my dad pushed me into things I didn't like and then refused to pay for my college. He has been really unsupportive of me and refuses to help me to this day even though he knows I'm suicidal.

My path not taken: I wish I had focused on myself and never listened to my family's advice and I wish I had pursued a career I would have liked. Now I have nothing and I'm unemployed. I also should have stayed in my good relationship and not gotten the horrible job where I met my abuser who ruined my life. If I had not met my abuser I wouldn't be on this site today I don't think.

 

[muffin222]

I should have gotten therapy when I had the means to do so

 

[Wayfaerer]

The more you think about it, the more apparent it is that life is deterministic. One person would act in a completely different way if there was a just a small tweak in their past. I can list numerous things in mine where out of 10 things, if only one had been different then I probably wouldn't be on this site right now. I'm sorry you had such an imbecile for a father. Mine was too, albeit in a different way.

I should have gotten therapy when I had the means to do so

Just speaking from personally experience, if you've never gone before then it is not what it is made out to be. Ever call a suicidal hotline? They just throw shallow platitudes at you that anyone else can do except therapists you have to pay.

I seriously thought about buying $2000 worth of bitcoin back in 2010 when I was a freshman in college but I chose not to.

Man, wonder what my life would have been like if I had actually gone through with that.

That would haunt me. I knew of bitcoin's existence but I didn't see a reason to buy any. I don't regret it in that sense because I was mostly ignorant on what it was at the time so reasonably I couldn't see myself investing in it. This reminds me of that man who threw out his hard drive with all his bitcoin on it before it ballooned. He went searching in a landfill but never found it. Man, talk about kicking oneself! I don't think that I'd ever be strong enough to let that go.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I don't think I could have done anything differently. There was just way too much messed up stuff that happened that was beyond my control. I really think I did the best I could with the unbelievably shitty life circumstances I've been given. And I'm still planning to CTB on Monday. It's taken a lot of will power to not simply get it over with tonight.

I feel that I can really relate to your perspective, as well as @falloutcarter13 's. I wasn't given much leeway in the choice of college and major that I was due to pursue.
When I made the attempt to transfer, I was shut down and mocked by family and friends. When I made the attempt to quit altogether, same. I graduated with honors and everything but that academic path did not bring me professional rewards. Now everyone is scratching their heads "what happened." You didn't let me do what I intrinsically wanted, that's what happened. I cannot be forced to love a profession.

 

[Wayfaerer]

The tragic part of my story, is that I was pursuing my passion. I had been running in circles for 13 years of my life and at one point in 2018, I just snapped out of it. For the first time, I didn't want the world to end. I discovered my newfound passion when i was in school studying a STEM degree (still am technically) . Rather not specify what exactly for OPSEC but it alone was the reason my life turned around from over a decade of stagnation. However, a terrible mistake I had made when I was not in my right mind would rear it's ugly head 4 years after the fact just as things were beginning to turn around for me. This makes the sentiment all the more miserable as I was on a great path and it all poured through my fingers just as I was barely able to grasp it.

What if I hadn't done what I did? Well, I wouldn't be here for starters and I'm sure I would've already graduated and started working. At some point down the line after saving up money, I'd consider going for a PhD. I felt like I was this close to getting what I wanted. The closer you felt like you were to success, the worst it feels. In the end, it makes me wish that I never had a taste of this and I continued in my misery up until this point. Having something for a brief time and having it taken away from you like this. something that was from YEARS ago... It's very cruel. Of couse, from that point until now, i had made things tremendously worse, so I've pretty much given up on everything.

 

[BrokenLine]

I stayed to help my family when I should have left.

 

[Alec]

If I could control it I'd like to be born in a different country. But also I lost years to depression and misery I wish I didn't just give into the pain and waste time.
Also, your dad is a homophobic piece of shit who doesn't deserve to be called "dad"., for what he did to you. I'm sorry if I offend you by saying this, but that's what I think about your "dad".

 

[Anthagonos]

I have to imagine, as we get close to the end, other people are having the same thoughts as I am. Right now, I can't stop thinking about the path not taken. When I was 14, I had to go to a funeral (ironic, right?) My dad decided it was time to get me a legit suit. He took me to the nicest men's clothing store in town, you know, the one with the guy who has a British accent that's probably fake? But my dad dropped me off and left for like an hour, probably to go see his mistress or something. I followed that guy all around the store, fascinated by all of the different fabrics and cottons and accessories, and how much people were willing to pay to look good. I kept finding myself going back to that store to ask the guy questions and learn about the business. He hired me when I was 15 and I loved it. I decided to go to school for business, I wanted to open my own men's fashion store, even better than the one I worked at. I mean I loved everything about it, knowing everything down to the different types of stitching, I felt such a rush when someone would ask me a complex question and I knew the answer. I told my dad about my plan when I was 17, and I can quote what he said exactly because it was the most crushing thing he ever said to me. "What, you want to open a store like that faggot you work for? Are you a faggot? You can do whatever you want, but I'll tell you what I'm not paying for - business school so you can open a homo store. You're going to med school if you want me to pay for it."

If I'd been more sure of myself and more committed to making myself happy instead of him, I highly doubt I'd be here right now. I'm just wondering if anybody else has a similar story they'd like to share, to make me feel less alone lol. Thanks, as always, for caring and reading and replying. Love you guys! And girls!

Lots of different things...

First of all all would be different if I had a gf. Or refused to go to party saturdays night when I was in high school and for that reason I started to loose interest in my studies, or my parents didnt divorced, or winning the lottery, or work in the same field as my second dad, etc...
I failed in all the major events of my life.

I should have gotten therapy when I had the means to do so

When I was 22 I tried to kill myself with benzos OD. I was discovered few hours later and mom called emergency. The doctor recommended therapy and I didnt followed the therapy. Some years later you know how I am...

I'm sorry about your story. You deserved better. I wished I listened to my dad when he said to go to computer science. All my high school friends who went there are basically rich. I also wished I didn't quit my job at this company where had I learned the experience needed I could've landed a high paying job in another company. It feels like I made all of the worst mistakes in my life. And here we are.

I really understand you. Its bad to me to hear that.
I dont like my work and its a low income one. You know how someone can feel.
If I would choose the career of my second father maybe today I would be living without any money issues. Not rich but living well.

I have to imagine, as we get close to the end, other people are having the same thoughts as I am. Right now, I can't stop thinking about the path not taken. When I was 14, I had to go to a funeral (ironic, right?) My dad decided it was time to get me a legit suit. He took me to the nicest men's clothing store in town, you know, the one with the guy who has a British accent that's probably fake? But my dad dropped me off and left for like an hour, probably to go see his mistress or something. I followed that guy all around the store, fascinated by all of the different fabrics and cottons and accessories, and how much people were willing to pay to look good. I kept finding myself going back to that store to ask the guy questions and learn about the business. He hired me when I was 15 and I loved it. I decided to go to school for business, I wanted to open my own men's fashion store, even better than the one I worked at. I mean I loved everything about it, knowing everything down to the different types of stitching, I felt such a rush when someone would ask me a complex question and I knew the answer. I told my dad about my plan when I was 17, and I can quote what he said exactly because it was the most crushing thing he ever said to me. "What, you want to open a store like that faggot you work for? Are you a faggot? You can do whatever you want, but I'll tell you what I'm not paying for - business school so you can open a homo store. You're going to med school if you want me to pay for it."

If I'd been more sure of myself and more committed to making myself happy instead of him, I highly doubt I'd be here right now. I'm just wondering if anybody else has a similar story they'd like to share, to make me feel less alone lol. Thanks, as always, for caring and reading and replying. Love you guys! And girls!

Its bad to hear that. Your father seems not to be a good guy.
I didnt went to university because I was thinking about impressing my mum and I never thought about being happy with myself. If I would took the easy way I would be happy today.

 

[Lmd]

I was living alone with my mother and we had a very bad relationship so we decided that the best option was to move with my dad when I was 13. For me my mom It's the reason I have all my emotional problems and traumas so I thought moving away was the best option for my mental health. Somehow that works but my dad dind't care about me so I was there in the middle of my puberty totally alone. Nobody cared if I was going to school or if I was eating properly, I had a lot of troubles with my personality and I lost all the routine I had. I think if I had stayed with my mom I wouldn't waste all the years I did with my dad doing nothing isolated in my room so now I could be a person with a decent job and the studies I wanted to do because my mental health is fucked up anyway so that wouldn't change

 

[checkouttime]

If i had taken another path, instead of fertilizing the egg!! It would of saved my family a whole lot of myther and a lot of other people too.

 

[Fedrea]

Easy. I had a surgery I didn't need, in retrospect, done by someone money grabbing. Almost all my problems stemmed from the health issues it left me with, with one issue causing another. There were a number of other points where disasters could very easily have been averted had things gone another way. I constantly want to turn back time as I don't actually want to die, I love life, I just can't live with what's happened to me.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I was "cursed" from the get-go. I told of my abuse when I was about 4 or 5 and no one did anything. At all. Fast forward ten years. My body was weakened by anorexia and I had taken dozens of pills I took from my Gramma's house. I went up to bed fell asleep and somehow (although medically I shouldn't have) woke up enough to check the time. It had been hours and my parents were due home any minute. I panicked and didn't want them to find me dead so I walked to the bus stop - even though I couldn't feel my arms or legs. I got to the ER (God, I have no idea how!?) And began my tour of psych and eating disorder units for the next few years.

If I would have just stayed in bed, things might have taken their natural course and I'd be a distant memory by now. Biggest regret of my miserable life.

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

Maybe if I wouldn't move to the UK in 2016 everything could've been better. My mental health wouldn't be so fucked as it is rn.

Not sure tho. Actually the best path for me would have been ctb by jumping from 15th floor when I had the opportunity.

 

[muffin222]

Just speaking from personally experience, if you've never gone before then it is not what it is made out to be. Ever call a suicidal hotline? They just throw shallow platitudes at you that anyone else can do except therapists you have to pay.

There are a lot of shitty therapists for sure. Sadly, some mental health concerns are so complex that it's really not possible to recover solely on your own :( that's where the regret at not seeking treatment comes into play

 

[Tinxxx]

I could have brought up the keys to open up the bathroom when my brothers asked. I knew that my mom was hanging herself.

 

[Deleted-User-0]

Life is a complicated sequence of events. No one is to blame. There are literally billions of possibilities that could happen to one and many factors completely out of your control such as country you are born in, your parents, their wealth, your physical body, your intelligence, your health etc etc.
It's true that a significant event could drastically changes one's direction in life yet nothing would guarantee if that specific eve hadn't happened it would be all roses.
Life works in its mysterious ways and decides who is going to be happy who is not up to a certain extent ...

 

[PJFord]

I wish I'd been encouraged to pursue a creative and artistic life and career. When and where I grew up little boys didn't do those things, they played sports. The film BILLY ELLIOT is very similar, except Billy stood up for himself and followed his passion. Instead I eked through college and into a business career that paid well and I had a good reputation. But completely unfulfilling. People told me it's never too late, but childhood fears and issues prevented me. I love theater and before sheltering I went as often as i could, including going to New York once or twice a year for binge theater trips. I feel I'd be in a much better space emotionally today if I used my time on earth to create art.

 

[heraclitus]

Married my French girlfriend (crazy though she was) and stayed there.

 

[BPD Barbie]

If I'd said no to my boyfriend. Now he's cost me everything.

 

[heraclitus]

If I'd said no to my boyfriend. Now he's cost me everything.

Other way round for me!