Discussion What's the main driving force stopping you from departing?

[Onthe29th]

Fear that I'll mess it up mostly. I don't want to be any more of a burden to my loved ones then I'm already going to be. That's why it's important for me to make sure that I don't fail.

 

[mineko]

I'm mostly afraid of the procces of dying. I also have days where I think maybe I'll be okay and I can make it, but it's always followed by hell and around and around I go.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Well, the default for humans is to not do it. So it's more about not having enough terrible shit being thrown at me.

 

[GodSpareMePleazd]

I plan on ctb after my parents die.

 

[motel rooms]

What's stopping me from departing? Not just my husband & our bond, I'm not that noble. I'm very defiant/spiteful, & I can't let my father/molester win, which is pretty stupid because I'm reminded that the dead asshole has won already every single day. Also, I'm a junkie who is still greedy for fresh flesh. It's too easy to find willing hot whores in this sleazy, superficial city & it's impossible for me to resist them. I don't do terribly disgusting things by modern standards & I'm certainly not a predator, but I have no control over my behavior &, at the end of the day, I can't help but feel manipulated & unclean. I'm sure there aren't many members who get what I'm always blabbering about.

 

[D&D]

I wrote about it a few hours ago in my 'From the Dairy of a Recluse' thread ... in a word - my own weakness. Which I am starting to despise. It won't end well.

 

[Sherri]

My work, my cat, my boyfriend and because I feel much better once I started to take my meds.

 

[gottago222]

I think I want to give life one last shot just to know I tried... But having my 'package' and 'method' as a backup plan gives me peace of mind. To be honest, this website has helped me a lot, even though I don't know anyone personally here, now I'm in a better place with my mental health I feel more confident about returning to work this month after my last breakdown BUT I also don't want to feel powerless and no way out if I get to that stage where I want to ctb again... It's a weird one ... Living with BPD, PTSD plus Anxiety and Depression is fucking hard man... And plus I'm an Aquarius aswell

just wanted to say i love your username lol

 

[l8tony]

The stupid little dust of hope and clingy survival instinct I have. Hate to say it but I just need to find a way for everyone to just insult and make me feel like crap to send me over the edge but I'mgreat at hiding. Being on the fence and would love to go but always find myself in the same situation. Once I find a fast painless solution I have nothing holding me back.Maybe if I stopped worrying and having all my thoughts attack me at once.

 

[D&D]

What's stopping me from departing? Not just my husband & our bond, I'm not that noble. I'm very defiant/spiteful, & I can't let my father/molester win, which is pretty stupid because I'm reminded that the dead asshole has won already every single day. Also, I'm a junkie who is still greedy for fresh flesh. It's too easy to find willing hot whores in this sleazy, superficial city & it's impossible for me to resist them. I don't do terribly disgusting things by modern standards & I'm certainly not a predator, but I have no control over my behavior &, at the end of the day, I can't help but feel manipulated & unclean. I'm sure there aren't many members who get what I'm always blabbering about.

I think I get what you are 'blabbering about' as you put it and, frankly, it sounds horrific. From the 'dead asshole' to not having control over you behavior and feeling manipulated and unclean. I wish you could break free ... despite the 'sleazy, superficial city' and all that comes with and from it.

 

[Wrennie]

The agony involved in my method, the prospect of failure & being left even worse off, and then that I'll just end up being tortured even more by the sociopaths at psych wards because I have severe chronic pain issues and they can't be assed to deal with that shit.

 

[little helpers]

cuz my life is a "I Do Coke" parody. replace a couple words and it goes, "I do dope, so I can live longer, so I can live more, so I can do more dope."

motherfucking free energy machine. smh.

also procrastination. and fear of SI.

 

[StevieNixs]

For me at least, it's lack of substance availability.

I won't say exactly where I am, but just defining the Oceania region should give you enough of a hint to clue you in to where I am.
I'm not sure whether it's due to regulations or what-not, but it's becoming almost impossible to find a reliable way to obtain SN, I've got everything else I need other than the driving ingredient.
All CN shops that do have stock of the right kind require a license to purchase which is very annoying. My country also completely restricted the sale of SN through all online marketplaces.
If anything, the restriction of it only makes me desire it more, which isn't a fantastic feeling.

What about you? Why haven't you CTB yet? (this isn't a call to action, only a question. do not do anything you're not ready for.)

Need one more product and need to get the money together for it. Had everything together for one method then changed my mind after reading these forums...

 

[GentleJerk]

For me at least, it's lack of substance availability.

I won't say exactly where I am, but just defining the Oceania region should give you enough of a hint to clue you in to where I am.
I'm not sure whether it's due to regulations or what-not, but it's becoming almost impossible to find a reliable way to obtain SN, I've got everything else I need other than the driving ingredient.
All CN shops that do have stock of the right kind require a license to purchase which is very annoying. My country also completely restricted the sale of SN through all online marketplaces.
If anything, the restriction of it only makes me desire it more, which isn't a fantastic feeling.

What about you? Why haven't you CTB yet? (this isn't a call to action, only a question. do not do anything you're not ready for.)

You've only been here one day and I can already tell you are an extremely thoughtful and kind person. I want you to benefit as much as I have by being here. Let me guess, are you in a certain place where we need a VPN/Proxy to log in? Dm me when you are able because I might be able to point you in the right direction. Believe me, when it comes to ctb, getting what you need is the easy part.

Also to answer your OP question, I have my 'Rolls Royce of ctb options' but havent done it yet because=
- Still waiting for things to get worse than I can tolerate, though it's not far off
- Fear of actually having to do it
- various setbacks including having no authorised witnesses yet to sign my will (pretty much everyone I know is a benefactor, and benefactors cannot sign as witnesses!), and what to do with all my stuff like my huge retro gaming collection and all the hydroponic grow equipment

- and most importantly, really not wanting to leave my daughter and hurt loved ones.

 

[soverytired]

a bunch of delusions

 

[FuneralCry]

I have wanted to die for a long time, but yet I am still here. In my case, it is because suicide is difficult. I lack a peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure holds me back. If it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. I hope to fall asleep and never wake. I am very tired of living. I belong in the nothingness, there is nothing here for me in this world, but yet I feel trapped. I deserve the option of a peaceful exit at a time of my own choosing.

 

[Cheza_mus]

I am staying and under the care of my sister now..I am waiting to go back home in easter holidays to ctb

 

[rationaltake]

- various setbacks including having no authorised witnesses yet to sign my will (pretty much everyone I know is a benefactor, and benefactors cannot sign as witnesses!)

It might be different in your country but I'm having my will drawn up at the moment and I've asked the solicitors to witness it. They said that's fine.

 

[GentleJerk]

It might be different in your country but I'm having my will drawn up at the moment and I've asked the solicitors to witness it. They said that's fine.

Ive had my forms processed online and printed off at home due to pandemic and health difficulties.

 

[rationaltake]

Ive had my forms processed online and printed off at home due to pandemic and health difficulties.

I understand. Makes it more difficult. This again might not apply in your country but where I am they did make provision for witnessing wills online via webcam. It's all just another complication though.

 

[GentleJerk]

I understand. Makes it more difficult. This again might not apply in your country but where I am they did make provision for witnessing wills online via webcam. It's all just another complication though.

I'll keep that in mind, thank you! If I can't find an easier way i'll have a look into that.

 

[rationaltake]

I'll keep that in mind, thank you! If I can't find an easier way i'll have a look into that.

Just a thought. Hope you manage to get things sorted one way or another. Take care

 

[GentleJerk]

Just a thought. Hope you manage to get things sorted one way or another. Take care

I really appreciate it, would definitely be nice to tie up as many loose ends as possible.

Thanks again, All the best to you

 

[sadeyesWA]

I'm still on the fence about my method. Got one thing in the mail, but still a bit uncertain. I've made peace with everyone I'll leave behind who'll probably care. I have a couple good plans to choose from when I finally pull the trigger (see what I did there?).

 

[Muse]

To fail and have some disabilities. I fear physical pain too.

 

[Xta4Love]

Time to acquire the method and stupid hope that it can get better.

This. I have BPD, severe depression and anxiety. I lost my house and my job over it. I winded up in a mental health care facility with only 1 staff member to 28 clients. I have nowhere to call home. I cry every day, I suffer every day. But still there is this STUPID!! tiny bit of hope that things might turn around for me.

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

My children. Simple that. And it hurts inside that I want to depart, but in this present I can not do it to them.

 

[S like Siren]

SI screwed my perfect plan before this summer and then covid complicated everything...i didn't realize how wickedly powerful SI can be.I hope to be more prepared and not fail the next time.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Fear of non existence and my husband.

 

[Chovyfan]

Fear of failing and ending up in a hospital locked up somewhere.

With a large debt and possibly brain damage or some other disability from the method.