Discussion Whats stopping you from CTB?

[freonix]

until recently, i didn't have access to any good methods :P and i guess the little things in life that i enjoy, like cool breezes or creating art

but most importantly i'd say my friend. she was also suicidal and is mentally ill, she's the only person i know who's come close to truly understanding me. she had a traumatic experience with a death that gave her ptsd, so i don't want my ctb to cause her to spiral; she's doing so well right now. i love her so much. but i'm losing the will to go on and i think i may have to do something shitty soon

 

[prtsn]

mostly fear tbh. there's nothing stoping me other than fear of failure, i'd say that survival instinct also its kinda kicking into me. I have relative easy access to SN and everything in that thread but I already have one failed attempt so that feeling is coming back strong everytime I think about doing it.

 

[JustALostWanderer]

I have everything I need. I'm completely alone and nobody will miss or check on me for weeks. I just can't get past the SI.

May I know what method you chose?

 

[Oblivionseeker85]

I lost everything 6 months ago and I was already suicidal. Hope regrettably kept me going then, and I've endured pure torture every day since. There is no scenario where I would want to stick around. I wish I'd pulled the trigger while I still could legally own a gun. Now Im too afraid to jump off a building or fail at something like hanging. Im desperately looking for SN. If I could choose between a million dollars or a .45 handgun. I'm not missing my chance.

 

[sosotired]

Whats stopping you from CTB? Do you just not have materials? Are you hesitant? Is someone stopping you? Are you just not ready? Do you really not want to CTB?

What is it?
What are YOU waiting for?

I want to be one and done with it. So i'm looking for something accessible I know will do the trick, but also won't completely traumatize the people who find me.

I also want to write letters to the people close to me so it leaves them with something.

But me, i'm ready to go.

 

[RhapsodyinBerserk]

I still have some hope for the future, plus I feel like I'm CTBing over a shitty reason. People on this site have things a lot worse than me, so ending my life would just be counterproductive. I just tend to fantasize about suicide a lot, largely due to my OCD. Plus, everything i have can be medically managed and is treatable, so giving up now would just be stupid. Suicidal thoughts cause me to get really anxious, I'm really just nervous about getting treatment for OCD, ERP is super difficult.

 

[scarecrowbubu]

I still don't have the materials to do it, I'm waiting on some cash. Even if I had them right now I'm waiting for a reason good enough to make me feel like i have really no other option. Guess it's my SI..

 

[betternever2havbeen]

My only reason for staying is my mother-us 3 kids have all caused her so much trouble (since we've been adults, we were ok as kids) one of my siblings has MH issues and is always causing problems and stress. I know she's about done with him but she still helps him although she's saying no more and more which is a good thing, he's middle-aged FFS!

Some of it is MH related and not his fault so we don't blame him for those things but a lot of it is just how he is regardless of his MH. I just can't cause her even worse grief especially at her age and I feel like I need to be around to deal with the problems my brother causes (even though I'm hardly equipped to deal with it) and god knows how he'll end up anyway-in a psychiatric ward? Prison? Homeless? Dead? At least if two out of three of us were well-adjusted it'd be ok but with my brother being the way he is, how can I then go and CTB? How selfish would that be? I don't even have a dad to support my mother, he died over a decade ago and that grief over his suffering and death is the source of a lot of my depression. I feel very trapped, I'm unsure if I can hang on until my mother dies (and obviously I don't want her to die for years yet) but I feel so miserable and I don't know what to do.