Discussion Whats stopping you from CTB?

[hxppythxught]

Whats stopping you from CTB? Do you just not have materials? Are you hesitant? Is someone stopping you? Are you just not ready? Do you really not want to CTB?

What is it?
What are YOU waiting for?

 

[sadstuffie]

i like your pfp.
for me, im afraid of people not understanding my death or blaming themselves. i also can't accept the fact that once im gone i will no longer have a concept of anyone i know or know anything about how their life turned out without me. it's strange.

 

[Jarni]

It is extremely scary and difficult... I hate the fact that I have to CTB, and that there is no a simple exit from life. We are in a real trouble because all of this, this artificially created extremely big problem.

 

[borderline-feline]

For me, the issue is that I don't truly have ownership over my own life, or at least, I don't consider myself to have ownership over it. I made a promise to my favorite person after a meltdown that I wouldn't ctb or self-harm, and in doing so, I signed my life over to him. In all fairness however, my life was already his property, as I feel that I exist specifically for his happiness and benefit.

I know it's not the healthiest mindset, but borderline personality disorder has a tendency to result in unhealthy mindsets in that regard.

 

[bdtbath]

I'm hoping I'll have the courage to try out partial hanging in my dorm over spring break while my roommate is gone. Just waiting on the nylon rope right now, and the right time.

 

[allblackallwhite]

I have everything I need. I'm completely alone and nobody will miss or check on me for weeks. I just can't get past the SI.

 

[randy]

SI, being a pussy, some irrational hope that I still have kicking around.

 

[bulbasaur_goes_meow]

im just so scared about what will happen after.. as shitty as my life is, it could be worse if i died because there is no way to prove what happens.. idk id rather just deal with this.

I have everything I need. I'm completely alone and nobody will miss or check on me for weeks. I just can't get past the SI.

whats si?

 

[hxppythxught]

im just so scared about what will happen after.. as shitty as my life is, it could be worse if i died because there is no way to prove what happens.. idk id rather just deal with this.

whats si?

Si is survival instinct

 

[BasqueClown]

I'm waiting to pass at least 6 months of my last discharge of psych ward to not giving the reason to the asshole doctor and my family who saw my mental crisis as a affirmation of my status as the black sheep.

 

[lost&lonely]

This might sound strange but it's the idea of an autopsy being carried out.
I want to list everything I have taken, why I have taken them and ask for no autopsy. I rather naively think that by doing so it wouldn't have to be done.
I'm not even sure why I don't want this to happen but I suppose I don't want my body to be cut up and examined.

 

[Forever Sleep]

My Dad. Don't feel like he would get over it. I'm just hoping- once he's gone that I'll have the guts to do it. I'm scared as well.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Guilt, SI, laziness. Nothing more.

 

[LunaXCBN]

I have things I wanna get done before I go.

I wanna finish school, I wanna create something I'm satisfied with. My purpose is to create and that is precisely what I will be doing until my death.
I don't know how long it will be until I'm satisfied, it could be 5 years, it could be 10, it could be my whole lifetime even. Who knows, I sure as hell don't.

 

[exhaustedanonymous]

not having the materials. ive got my date set n whatever but lowkey? id do it tmrw if i had my things.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

No peaceful reliable methods yet.

 

[eggshells]

My mom mostly. but recently I've been feeling like I haven't done enough in life yet.

 

[brokenpersi]

Some of family members (rest are one of reasons to ctb), and simple one - little hope thing can go at least a bit better- I'm tryin to not give up. When I do I have everything I need to ctb

 

[FuneralCry]

I very much wish to not exist in my case, in fact I've never wanted to be here at all but the only thing that keeps me here trapped in this world is the difficulties involved in suicide and the fact that planning to die is something that is so unnecessarily complicated and risky. I hate how things are this way and I view it as being very unfair how we are denied the options of reliable ways to free ourselves from an existence not worth enduring but sadly this is just the reality. If I had a method as ideal and as peaceful as N of course I would be long gone at this point.

 

[FuneralCry]

Im reading a lot of your posts here on SaSu. If you really suffering so much why don't you try to at least buy some SN to have it as your backup if you can't take it any longer? Person with this kind of experience sa you here on this forum should easily find sources of SN. I don't want to insult you or anything, dont get me wrong. I just dont get it how person with this kind of pain can still be alive.

By the way leaving this world really isn't that straightforward for me, and if someone doesn't ctb then they basically have no choice but to stay here so that's why I still exist. And believe me, if I was able to easily access SN I would have some but it's simply inaccessible for me and this is just the way that things are. Everybody is in different circumstances after all, so it's a bit pointless saying "have you tried this method".

 

[TapeMachine]

(1) I'm still waiting on materials.

(2) Also, one of my brothers just died yesterday, so now I'm worried about inflicting even more trauma and grief on my family, especially my mom. My mom leans on me (her only daughter) for emotional support quite alot, so I know she will never recover once I'm gone, and that just...hurts for me to think about.

Regarding my brother's death: I'm sad to have lost him, but I'm glad he had a peaceful passing (F overdose, not ctb). He had a terribly difficult go at life, so I'm at peace knowing he has finally been liberated from his agonizing mind. ❤

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

my girlfriend mostly, i want to stick around for her. i also made a promise to her a while back, tho i kinda gave up on that promise. but it did keep me alive for the past year or so. i was basically living entirely for her sake and devoting myself to her, until abt a month ago when i had a mental breakdown and relapsed. but ive started to turn around again, slowly

i also just dont have the most reliable or safest method. im scared of what could happen to me if i try and fail

also i have some renewed passion for my interests. theres a lot of stuff i want to read, but i gotta be alive to do that

 

[leloyon]

1. I have a bucket list. Not a very long or extravagant one, I don't plan on travelling the world or doing anything spectacular or anything, however if I have a choice over when I die, I would rather leave this world knowing there's nothing else I want to do here. Whenever I have attempted, it has felt forced and I have felt despair over the fact that I am leaving unable to have done the things I wanted to do and never would be able to.
2. Lack of materials. Sure, I could hang myself with a belt or stab myself, but these methods are unappealing due to the suffering involved. If possible, suicide by firearm is preferable, however I live in a no-fun country so I will likely go out via exit bag or fentanyl overdose.
So I am biding my time, completing my list slowly while preparing to acquire the necessary supplies.

 

[terminalending]

Whats stopping you from CTB? Do you just not have materials? Are you hesitant? Is someone stopping you? Are you just not ready? Do you really not want to CTB?

What is it?
What are YOU waiting for?

My supplies are not readily available, but I try to get them quickly. There are people who give me too much attention because they worry. It's annoying, but i'll soon be able to get rid of their stares. Then I will do it confidently!

 

[Lonerzepam]

If possible, suicide by firearm is preferable, however I live in a no-fun country

Did you mean no-gun?
Well it's both the same I guess

 

[WeepingWillow]

My Mom. She is 71, a widow, and has no one else in this god forsaken place. She haas stood by me through thick and thin. I know that growing up I made her life a nightmare with all my trials and tribulations. The least I can do is not abandon her. I've made attempts in the past when I was younger and was not thinking of anyone but myself. Once she cought me in the act and she was almost gutted. That night I promised her I'd never leave her like that. Now that I'm a few year older myself I'm glad I didn't. She is getting on in years and I can wait a while longer. My mother is my best friend and we prop each other up.

When she goes there will be nothing left for me here and I will happily follow.

 

[blanket99]

For starters, I'm waiting for the more reliable SN to arrive in the mail (supposed to be here by the 28th). I'm positive I won't be able to do it the day it comes in, though.

I think I'm waiting for my luck to change, something that'll give me some hope. The past day has not been bad, although all I've done is play video games and my situation didn't change any but I don't feel as bad as days past. We will see that tomorrow brings.

 

[BroodingBleu]

Bare with me as I'm typing this from mobile, so expect some errors;

In my perspective, I was never put on this planet to live for myself, I always had put everyone first, and still do today. It would probably explain my suicidal ideations, apart from the other outliers of life. Although I have attempted in the past, I find that even though I suffer immensely every day, that at least on the days I can get out of bed, I can impact someone else's life to make it a little less cruel or miserable.

As time goes on though, this mentality gets harder and harder to keep morication invested into, so when my time does come, I'll be more than happy to punch the ticket.

Aside from this, I lnow my father would probsbly CTB immediately if I did, and my mother would probably have a hard time with the rest of her life, and I would feel awful for that. In reality, when its my time, its my time regardless.

 

[ClownMe]

My dog

 

[Sunset Limited]

Mom. She is 73. I have asperger. She didn't treat me well when I was a kid. I was bullied by her. She is both good and bad. We've really been mother and son for the past three years. If I had found this site 10 years ago, I would have left the world. 3-4 months ago I thought I could do it but I couldn't. I guess I won't leave this place before her.