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Aloken

Aloken

I choose love
Jan 25, 2021
280
I hate knives and sharp things, but I don't know, I think for some reason it's my method. Also it gives me great relief that it's readily available. The only sn I can purchase without using my dad's prepaid card (after what happened yesterday I refuse to use it. I don't even think I can use sn, generally speaking, but we'll see) that doesn't state it's purity. I've emailed the site and no reply 2 months now. I could call them but I'm a stutterer and I suppose people think I'm lying when I'm not. The package does have warnings (a skull for example).

Edit: I can't test it with the
aquarium method
 
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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
I think SN is more effective and less painful. I would never stab myself. (I'm really scared of that and drowning)
 
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Aloken

Aloken

I choose love
Jan 25, 2021
280
I think SN is more effective and less painful. I would never stab myself. (I'm really scared of that and drowning)
Yeah, but it's of unknown purity :( yeah, but if you don't have a method you must do what you can with what you have :( I like to tell myself that the only thing that's standing in my way with stabbing, is myself. I will just have to suck it up and injure the hell out of me...
 
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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
Yeah, but it's of unknown purity :( yeah, but if you don't have a method you must do what you can with what you have :( I like to tell myself that the only thing that's standing in my way with stabbing, is myself. I will just have to suck it up and injure the hell out of me...
Yeah that's right. Some people are not afraid of anything and just stab themselves.
I wish I had SN but it's impossible to get it in Argentina. Also, I'm a coward and don't have the guts to try (again) another method such as partial.
 
Aloken

Aloken

I choose love
Jan 25, 2021
280
Yeah that's right. Some people are not afraid of anything and just stab themselves.
I wish I had SN but it's impossible to get it in Argentina. Also, I'm a coward and don't have the guts to try (again) another method such as partial.
You said you wanted to give life another shot too. Did this started to change, if I may ask you?
 
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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
You said you wanted to give life another shot too. Did this started to change, if I may ask you?

Well, I'm still trying to live but these last weeks I've started feeling depressed and unmotivated again. I guess this makes sense because I was way too happy. I just need to learn to "spread out" my energy lol. In other words, learn to control my bipolar disorder.

What I'm 100% sure of is that this is the last chance I will give to life. If I decide to surrender, there will not be a second chance!
However, how the hell will I ctb? Will I have the guts to go for it?

If not, the only option left is to go to a psych ward until the day I die.

I wish being normal was easier!
 
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Aloken

Aloken

I choose love
Jan 25, 2021
280
Well, I'm still trying to live but these last weeks I've started feeling depressed and unmotivated again. I guess this makes sense because I was way too happy. I just need to learn to "spread out" my energy lol. In other words, learn to control my bipolar disorder.

What I'm 100% sure of is that this is the last chance I will give to life. If I decide to surrender, there will not be a second chance!
However, how the hell will I ctb? Will I have the guts to go for it?

If not, the only option left is to go to a psych ward until the day I die.

I wish being normal was easier!
I see.. I hope you will find peace in any way you want.


Do you really want to be normal? I never wanted to be normal, what is normal anyway? All I wanted was to be happy. And I cannot be happy anymore and I'll never be happy
 
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WornOutLife

マット
Mar 22, 2020
7,165
Do you really want to be normal? I never wanted to be normal, what is normal anyway? All I wanted was to be happy. And I cannot be happy anymore and I'll never be happy

Mmm interesting question. I have a dilemma with that.
On the one hand, I want to be normal because in that way I know I'll be able to live and my dad will be very happy.

On the other, being normal sucks. What I mean by normal is: "study, work, get married, have children, work again and die as an old grey man"

I just wish I was more stable mentally. It's ridiculous that one day I feel like a God and the following one I feel like the biggest loser on Earth.

I guess I just want a normal mind but not a normal person's life lol.
 
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Aloken

Aloken

I choose love
Jan 25, 2021
280
Ye
Mmm interesting question. I have a dilemma with that.
On the one hand, I want to be normal because in that way I know I'll be able to live and my dad will be very happy.

On the other, being normal sucks. What I mean by normal is: "study, work, get married, have children, work again and die as an old grey man"

I just wish I was more stable mentally. It's ridiculous that one day I feel like a God and the following one I feel like the biggest loser on Earth.

I guess I just want a normal mind but not a normal person's life lol.
Yeah, you mean you want a healthy mind, I get it..I want a healthy mind too
 
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