What's preventing you from CTB?

[Tionally]

fear of death and hope that something really good just randomly happens

 

[Salmon can't swim]

Mostly lack of accessible methods. I dont live alone and cant drive or go anywhere else without raising suspicions either.

Not really related to what you said, but I love your pfp. It unlocked a childhood memory I didn't even know I had

Welcome to SaSu!

Everyone has different reasons for being here, mine is first that I've half assed all my past attempts (knowingly or not) so I'm obviously still here, I'm waiting on SN to arrive to ensure I'll ctb, and lastly I am waiting it out through my own will because I promised myself I'd make it past April.

Hope you find what are looking for from SaSu, don't be afraid to share your thoughts and experiences as well as make use of our recovery section.

If you don't mind me asking, why specifically April? Are you expecting something...? Is it just arbitrary?

Welcome to SaSu!

Everyone has different reasons for being here, mine is first that I've half assed all my past attempts (knowingly or not) so I'm obviously still here, I'm waiting on SN to arrive to ensure I'll ctb, and lastly I am waiting it out through my own will because I promised myself I'd make it past April.

Hope you find what are looking for from SaSu, don't be afraid to share your thoughts and experiences as well as make use of our recovery section.

If you don't mind me asking, why specifically April? Are you expecting something...? Is it just arbitrary?

 

[bebebeep]

Need to get passwords and other media in order so that my family has access to them. I'm hesitant on writing a note, whether I do or not, at least they have photos to look back on.

Also booking a hotel to have a place to ctb, never done it before and I'm worried I'll look suspicious.

 

[qw3rty259]

From the emotional standpoint it's FOMO. From the physical standpoint it's the pain I have to experience to do it.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Used to have fear of metaphysical consequences of suicide. Now I don't care about that anymore. The only thing stopping me at this point is a fear of failing and spending the rest of my life paralyzed or disfigured. I just want a surefire method. I can't afford to fail

 

[haibane]

My mom, it would destroy her mentally.

 

[falling_snow]

I honestly wish that i could just leave, no fear, no method, just CTB. But i think that fear is still holding me back from doing it.

 

[flowers in the mist]

My family.

 

[GlutenFreeCat]

Currently waiting till January for a trip I have planned so I can be far away/without having any means of communication from the people in my life and hopefully won't be found for weeks, if not months after I CTB. So time I guess.

 

[Welcoming_The_Dark]

Guilt. I have a two and a half year old daughter.

 

[moonmoon]

I'm lost at this point when it comes to answering this question, not from outside but inside, everyday ends and starts with the aforementioned thought and questioning, "why i'm even trying - just end it" yet i find myself moving forward with the each passing day of course with the burden of this thought.

One side of me knows because i failed at the first time i tried, and I'm still recovering from that - even failing in attempting to finish everything makes you feel misarable, a literal shit of earth who couldn't even manage to do one single task properly.

I think found a "feeling", while being a toxic and draining one at that, in this misery. My self-hatred filled disgusting life turned into a self-pitying hellhole that i find myself deserving to live - this what i get for being me, so, in a sense i live in my own version of hell that i think i deserve, therefore killing myself as a punishment turned into a easy way to runaway from myself, and i think i'm still trying to prove myself i can witheld, i can stand to all of this, but i dont know how longer this'll go on.

I understand that feeling of waking up after failure and living with it. Whenever I feel incompetent I always shout, "you couldn't even kill yourself right" and I always make myself cry with that.

I dont know your whole story, but I feel like I've had a similar experience. So, I can say with some confidence, I don't think you deserve the way you are treating yourself. Life is already so fucking miserable: living is already punishment enough. Have some fun before you go out because the punishment won't mean anything when you're gone. You deserve kindness from others and yourself. If you want someone to talk to I'm here for you :)

Fear mainly. But the real reason is my favorite artist is making a new album and I would like to hear it and see her in concert before I go. It's the only thing that keeps me going.

What artist?

 

[etherealgoddess]

First time lurker, long time suicidal person, lol. I see a lot of people on here ready to CTB but still holding back. Wanted to know other people's hesitations.

I'll go first. Everytime I think about how I'll miss smoking weed, doing DXM, trying shrooms, or taking acid and it makes me cry. I love to get high and listen to music, play instruments, and/or draw. I have everything I need to CTB bookmarked, but I am too weak/cowardly to go through with it yet.

Hope everyone is having a good night.

Parents. I know my mom and dad would never get over it. And then what stops me is the possibility of failure. Getting to a point of huge damage to kill you means there is a possibility where the damage is so severe that it almost kills you but leaves you a vegetable. That's what's 10 times more frightening than actual death. The chance is low but if you get that chance, you're doomed.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I've recently been on the grieving end. Not looking forward to putting others through that. It feels terrible.

 

[@siniy_cat]

to(o) painful.

too* painful
(got a compulsion to correct this mistake, maybe something OCD related)

 

[nightmare_moon]

My sibling doesn't deserve to see their sister dead. I'm waiting until I move out at least.

 

[princejohnny]

What artist?

St. Vincent. Hoping for an album release next year!

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

only family, i fantasise all the time on CTB soon. This is the best time for me to do it as things just got at the point where i can conclude than my life isn't worth living. I spend my all life looking at others people happy and connected to others without never achieve it. My only goal right now is to endure the suffering day after day, waiting for the end.

 

[killmepleasefast]

sn

 

[wontachievehappines]

Mostly lack of accessible methods. I dont live alone and cant drive or go anywhere else without raising suspicions either.

Same here, I thought about going to a hotel to do it. But lie and say I'm going to a 'club event'

 

[moonmoon]

St. Vincent. Hoping for an album release next year!

Checked out a few of her songs. Her voice is enchanting and works surprisingly well in the Electronica genre. Thank you for telling me of her! Hope that release comes out ASAP and that you are around to hear it :)

 

[dinosavr]

My family and friends sure aren't making it easier but I think I've made my peace with that. So I guess it's the thought I still have some options yet to heal. Also, I'm scared I'll fail

 

[until death]

I want to experience GTA 6

 

[sjoper1980]

Just waiting til I'm ready. Got my AEs and SN in a little box ready to go, my friend used his in the summer - both of us terminal cancer. Just want to do some more things and enjoy spring in Britain before I choose to go a bit closer to my natural end time.

 

[PixelPlant]

gta 6

 

[kcatchesthebus]

Honestly, that I cant find SN in the US. Once I have a source it's game over for me. It's the only method im sure i can pull off because I have a ridiculous SI. But I'm ready to go. For a long time the only thing holding me here was fear of hurting my husband and betraying him that way…. But he left me last week and I cannot survive this world without him. I just need that source

 

[Teleftaía Anapnoí]

Right now is the fear. Just imagining the salty taste of SN makes my body shiver. It's like every particle of me knows what's coming and I feel like my brain has gone into a mode of ignoring it all. But I'm very scared, I can't continue living. I'm trying to find a way to stop my instinct from taking over.

 

[prettycvnt]

I don't have everything I need to ctb painlessly. Too much of a coward to try more painful methods where my SI would interfere. If I could, I would do it right at this moment.

 

[certified_idiot]

For me it's mostly procrastination. I want to do partial hanging because it's what's most accessible to me, but you have to learn how to do it first, and it usually takes a few tries. I want to actually prepare for my suicide, but that requires deleting stuff, and I only want to do it when I'm going to go. I'm scared I might get it right on the first try and not be prepared for when my family finds my stuff.

 

[kaitekat23]

The fear of failing and being left with brain damage. Leaving my dog whlist he basically relies on me to care for him. The fear of never knowing hwat will happen to my dog after I die. The fear of the method I want to use failing. The fear of a painful death. the list can go on.

 

[busreservation92]

Cowardice