What’s keeping you from CTB?

[mythesiah]

What's keeping you from CTB?

I have my own reasons. I want to hear yours as well.

 

[FoxSauce]

My sisters that I care for deeply. My dog and my freinds.

Im scared of dying

 

[ERB]

Because I have a pet that depends on me, because I promised my friends to try, because people are moving heaven hell and hearth trying to help me, but mostly because I listen to that voice:
"what if I'm wrong?"

 

[Pale_Rider]

Because I have a pet that depends on me, because I promised my friends to try, because people are moving heaven hell and hearth trying to help me, but mostly because I listen to that voice:
"what if I'm wrong?"

I love your devotion to your pet.

 

[TheRedRoad]

I could probably CTB right now if it wasn't for the fact that not only am I scared I will fail miserably once more, but also because I can't even be bothered to get out of bed and do anything, even if that thing was ending it all. Depression is eating me alive.

 

[PI3.14]

At this point? Only time and proper preparation.

 

[anka]

A small sliver of hope that my condition and circumstances will get better. I'll know in a couple of months and make my decision then.
I was a hypochondriac but I fear death less and less everyday. I would've never thought that my fear of death would disappear this much and I'd rather wish I stay scared.

 

[QuincyME]

1. SI
2. Fear of pulling the trigger
3. Fear of surviving
I feel as though I'm getting closer to overcoming these obstacles however.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Guilt of what it would do to my Dad. Fear of the attempt itself and failing the attempt.

It's shitty when it's only negative emotions keeping me here and nothing positive about life itself. It just generates a whole lot of resentment in me, which I then feel bad about too.

 

[Takeme2whereibelong]

Trying to gain hope working with mental health teams although they have a knack of making me feel worse alot of the time. Also im still researching to make sure next time actually works and the more i read the more confused im getting

 

[Eriktf]

SI i dont have any reason to live but i dont have any need to die eaither i dont relly care anymore

 

[hopeless302]

fear of failure. Limited access to reliable methods.

 

[jenson]

I'm stuck with this idea that things will getter but they never do. Once I accept that the whole getting better thing is a load of bullshit, ctb will be easier to go through with.

 

[luma]

1. I don't want to leave my loved ones with that kind of grief. This is the biggest reason. I often fantasize about erasing everyone's memories of me so I can CTB without any worries.

2. I'm deathly afraid of surviving the attempt, possibly crippling myself further, and having everyone find out about it. Dealing with the aftermath of that seems like an absolute nightmare. I would also resent the person/people who "saved" me.

3. I fear what may come after death. I'm scared of the possibility of there being something worse than my life waiting for me after I die (like the movie Wristcutters for example lol. Anyone know it?). If incarnation is real, I don't want to die just to be reborn again.

4. My preferred way of going out would be to pursue MAID so I can say my goodbyes to my loved ones and lessen the pain of my death. No one would be able to stop me, and I wouldn't have to die alone. Unfortunately, where I live, this isn't available to people with solely mental illness. I'm hoping that maybe one day it'll be legal, so I'm partially waiting it out in case that does happen.

5. I know this is kinda stupid, but I feel like all the resources and effort others put into helping me will be a waste.

6. My brain is probably not fully developed yet; I'm thinking that maybe I should wait it out til I'm at least 25/26.

7. This may sound narcissistic, but I feel like it'd be a shame for the world to be stripped of my existence lol. I only say this because some of the traits I have, like empathy, compassion, and authenticity, are severely lacking in this world.

8. I'm lowkey (very) lazy haha. I don't have the motivation to do most things, and that includes CTB.

9. I do have a bucket list of things I want to experience/witness before I die. It's not the most important thing to me to complete it, but it'd still be nice if I checked those things off. Maybe there is a small part of me that wants to live after all lol.

 

[eupdplishlp]

What's keeping you from CTB?

I have my own reasons. I want to hear yours as well.

I only want to ctb because I cannot make my life mean somthing, so I think, what if I can make my passing mean somthing? then I think of things I can do now to make my passing have a deeper message (that being to highlight the flaws of the system and consious choices that have been made to make a society with such ill mental health and bring justice) andi go with that

 

[other-ghost]

my girlfriend and fear of missing out the moment when i'm "recovered"

 

[diopdawe]

My daughter.

 

[Six6Sick]

I wanted to wait until I'm at my absolute worst to make sure I'll have the resolve to succeed. But rn I'm just waiting for my SN tbh.

 

[SNastablesalt]

What's keeping you from CTB?

I have my own reasons. I want to hear yours as well.

nothing except SI now but idk what to do as I have no method.

 

[GeneTunney]

I'm hopelessly impractical. So, messing it up and being left in a vegetative state or such.

 

[Chronic_ Disaster]

I would like to stay hopeful and believe that my first attempt didn't work for a reason. But, besides that- I'd have to get a lot of affairs in order first. A will, my last statements, saying how i truly to feel about people who have ruined me ect. And, i would like my body to be found by my family. I feel like they never tried hard enough to understand me, and whenever i would seriously tell them about my being suicidal- they would think it was an empty threat or that i was overreacting because i talked about it so much. But i also dont want to be buried with the body i have now as a FTM person. Id prefer to wait until i get my surgeries.

 

[Roadrunner]

Lack of testicular fortitude is my reason

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I'm a fucking coward, that's what.