Nothing keeping me alive right now. Going to start a course I have no passion in (only doing for the money); About to get married next year, but afraid I will be married to someone who doesn't truly love me. All she wants is assistance in purchasing a nice house and a supply of seed to make children. I'm practically dispensable after that.
No one has ever truly loved me. Even my own mother detested me. I've only ever tried to live to make everyone else happy and feel loved, but now I feel I have nothing left to give.
I don't want to burden my loved ones with all these negative feelings. All this time, I've made it my purpose to bring joy to others, and opening up this ugly side of myself will only go against that purpose.
I'd rather keep it to myself and die alone and happy. My wish is that the whole world forget about me after I am gone.