What's holding you back from CTB?

[Gonnerr]

Fucking SI and non availability of N

 

[leavingsoon99]

I'm afraid of failing. I don't want to be in a vegetative state without ability. That's my biggest fear. I don't even fear the pain.

 

[justkenisfine]

I've made plans to go on vacation with my best friend. After that there's not much of anything except maybe finishing my degree and sticking around for my partner. At least until they're in a better place, I would have more peace of mind.

 

[FailerQt.]

Just pure lack of money to get the stuff I need for my chosen method.

 

[Borgrot]

There's always something that comes along and stops me, even if it's just an obligation. I want to go because I can't stop hurting people, but then people need me to be around, so I keep going a little longer. Eventually I'll push them all away though, then I'm on.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Cowardice, it's in the username

 

[ctb7767]

Attempting to get AEs, fear/uncertainty about how painful SN might be.

 

[Hitakiri]

I still have a dream. Despite all I've lost, and how bad things get, it's something I don't want to die without achieving.

 

[Amakishiyo]

Need to tie all loose ends regarding anxiety and that requires motivation and energy too.

 

[lukas19]

I can't catch the bus because my favorite person will never give me permission to die. He thinks that I can get better and wants me to live. I can't die without his permission because I'm his property.

Are you happy being happy being his property?

 

[Viranamari]

I personally don't have any accessible methods. On top of that, I have this despicable fear of pain or surviving. At the same time, I'm scared of what happens after death. (Nonexistence) However if I had Nembutal, I would be long gone by now.

 

[sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft]

Fear of physical pain, of failing and being institutionalized…
Other than that dragon age dreadwolf, ac mirage and tes6.. I know it's stupid but ive been waiting for it for years now..

 

[Sad Avocado]

What's currently holding you back from Ctb right now... For me personally its fear of failing and guilt of leaving loved ones behind on this planet particularly my daughter (I didn't chose to bring a child into the world but unfortunately she was conceived when I was SA'd 4 years ago) I would never willingly bring a child into this cruel world and I hate myself every day because I know that this world is only getting worse and I'm the one who brought her into this awful existence because my poor judgement and risky behavior led to me being SA'd ... I had a recent attempt with SN and almost succeed but was found too soon... SI isn't a huge issue for me anymore thankfully but I still keep having second thoughts about another attempt because I don't want to leave her on this hellish planet alone.... However I know that I truly don't want to be here and that CTB is the only solution to my pain... I'm so torn and it's only making me more depressed...

So, to fullly answer your question I first need you to read the reason of why I'm here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/what-did-you-make-consider-ctb.120876/ (if you don't want theres no problem it's just to make it clear). I think I might have accepted the pain that I will bring to my friends and family especially the ones that are the closest to me, even though it makes me suffer and I feel some guilt sometimes. The thing that's holding me back is some sort of hope that my situation will improve in some way or another because I will go on vacation with some friends in like a week and that girl will be present. So I told myself, let's see if something changes then if it doesn't you will do it when you return back home. There's like a 98% possibility that nothing will change and that the opposite will happen in this vacation but I still have some hopes for the only thing that I still care about in my life. I also want to do it after the vacation not only for my "hopeless hope" but also because I don't want to ruin this vacation because they are my most important friends that tried to help me with everything with the best of their possibilities.

 

[lethargic]

Just the fact that I'm 15 thousand kilometres from home currently, I'd like to go back first. After that I need SN supplies and then I'm peacing out, hopefully.

 

[IDontLikeMyself]

For me it´s both the fear of failure and the fear of leaving my loved ones behind. I don´t want to fail so I want my plan to be as tight as possible. The other thing that keeps me back is that tiny lil bit of hope that my life might still be worth living after all. I don´t know why I even keep that hope up but it´s still sort of there. It´s mainly perfecting my plan and than finding the balls to do it that keeps me here at the moment.

 

[ctb-soon]

Probably the need of encouragement

 

[shantyizlit]

You need ID verification to buy bitcoin so I need to get a fucking passport since i don't have a drivers license, so I need to schedule a time with the government (done that) then wait for that time, then make the fucking passport wait another 14 days, then I need to buy the cryptocurrency and wait another maybe 2 weeks for the stuff to arrive.
And then I will need to wait for friday because I get drug tested every other day, but I have the whole weekend after getting drug tested on friday morning. Then I will get super fucking high and ctb sunday night.
I'm almost there.